I haven't been posting much lately, but visit this board daily and read/cry over what everyone else is going through.

Being that the restraining order against the OW was approved in early June and I now have real NC, I'm able to sit and think about the situation that the OW put me through. Also, it was a bit strange to read some of my earlier posts and see how naive I was. My story truly belongs on Lifetime or the X-files.

If you don't mind, may I ask your opinions on a few pieces of my bizarre story?

1. The OW claims to have gotten pregnant sometime in mid January. Yet, she continues to have her monthly periods. Is this possible?

2. My husband has a neurological problem in which it takes him a pretty long time to ejaculate. We were talking about this and he doesn't remember ever "finishing" inside of her. I guess that kind of lowers her chance of becoming pregnant. Yes, I know fluid leaks out during intercourse, but would it be enough to get someone pregnant?

There's probably other questions that I've forgotten, but I'll leave them for now.

I looked at my first posts from a different point of view and can't believe that I bought this bunch of crap hook line and sinker. I used to be so gullible, it seems. I bet some of you who read them probably shook your heads and laughed at what the OW was claiming. Once I received the report back from the private investigator, the pieces started to fit together.

I feel like such an idiot.

We believe that the OW is out of town for the summer. I haven't been near her house in almost 2 months. She had told my husband during the affair that if she became pregnant, that she would move out of state. I think she's hiding from us to keep us in suspense. I highly doubt that she's pregnant, but in order to get full closure, we will hire a PI to get photos of her next month. If she has really moved out of state, I guess I'll have to have her "skip traced".

I can't believe that I'm still wondering if she's pregnant or not, but being that she left this loose end, I have this need to know. Until I know for sure, I guess I won't be able to fully heal from the damage that was done.

I know what you're going to ask me...."why are you allowing her to still control your life?" Well, I guess it's because I need closure. I don't obsess over her like I used to, but she's always in the back of my mind.

Am I angry that she still invades my thoughts and my marriage? Yes. When will I take control over this and put her out of thoughts forever? I guess when I find out the truth.

In the meantime, I guess I'll just go on, day by day. It's all we can do, right?

The answer to both of your numbered questions is YES... it is possible... unlikely, but possible.

I have a question for you, Arabesque.

Is the OW a large woman? To where might be harder tell at all if she was pregnant or not?
Smaller women tend to "show" earlier... but larger women don't.... I know it wasn't necessarily obvious that I was pregnant with my son until I was around 4-5 months along... (I'm a big girl... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

I still say this woman is full of B.S.
The story she tried to feed you is utterly preposterous. There is NO WAY what she claimed could have happened. There is NO SAFE and APPROVED way to save an etopic pregnancy.

Regardless, I'd say you should have been able to tell when you saw her a couple of months ago.

I pray you and your H can move past this psycho-woman (nevermind she was an OW - she is beyond typical... by any standard)

Stacia
(Edited to correct spelling. Even though it was phonetically readable... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

<small>[ July 22, 2004, 01:27 PM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</small>

well I understand how you feel and I am going through the same type of torment. I live it everyday and am so tired of it. I too have hired a PI to follow my H to get the answers that he is not givine me. OW says that my H is still with her and even living with her, But I am getting no answers from him so I have to know for sure if I am being lied to again. I let OW invade my every thought troughout the day. How did you get past that?

I have to be doing something wrong. I must have a great future in store for me and my family because the devil stays on me with this whole ordeal. I pray that the PI report tells me that my H is telling me the truth, but I have my doubts.

Share with me how you overcame the whole feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.

JT

Stacia is right from everything I have ever heard/been taught. Both those scenarios are possible but the statistics are low.

ditto everything stacia said.

How much does it cost for a PI? H is still in the fog and OW is playing this to the hilt! Answer to your questions, both are possible doesn't make it so though. My sister was 7 months before she showed. I also knew a girl in high school that never showed at all. One day she was gone and everyone said she had a baby. Her best friend didn't even know. I too keep focusing on the OW. I hate her. She took so much and still keeps on taking. The fact that H is still with her makes it all that much harder. Good luck. You deserve to be happy.

Arabesque,

I agree with everyone else. Saving an ectopic is IMPOSSIBLE, if that's what she had. It IS possible for a woman to be pregnant and have periods, although it's pretty rare (I knew one who did). Ditto not ejaculating.

So statistically this XOW is playing games. Probably doesn't make you feel much better, though. We'd all like peace and certainty in our lives.

Good luck on your recovery, Ar.
J

Arabesque,

I agree w/ everything U have been told here, & given what U already know about OW, most likely it is just another one of her scams, 2 many things don't add up.

I know it is hard but try not 2 think about her at all, concentrate on your M & your H. She is not important.

If she is indeed pg. then unfortunately U will have 2 play the waiting game 2 see if this is your H's OC, but U should cross that bridge if & when U come 2 it. This is exactly what she wants ya know, 2 have U all upset & not enjoying your life, your M & your family. Don't let her control your life any longer, she is not worth a second of your thoughts & energy.

Praying that she is not pg. & if she is it is not your H's OC. {{{{{{{{Arabesque}}}}}}}

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The OW claims to have gotten pregnant sometime in mid January. Yet, she continues to have her monthly periods. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Who informed you of her continuing periods?

JT2 - How did I overcome my feelings? I still really haven't. I get anxiety attacks all the time, especially when I'm alone. Inadequacy? I refuse to allow myself to wonder about it. If I allow myself to go there, then she will have taken a part of me away. I did some heavy praying and behaved as God would have me behave during all of this. He can overcome any inadequacy that I may have.

Cyn - To perform survelliance, a PI usually charges about $50 an hour. We paid $200 for a detailed report on her. It was missing some of the stuff I wanted to know, but it gave us a few leads. We found out about her previous victim through this report, and have since become very good friends with he and his family.

Autumnday - My husband told me that she had her monthly periods each month. I specifically asked him about this issue, and he was honest about it.

She told him that her periods were always light, and that with each of her pregnancies (4 children - 4 different fathers) she didn't start showing until the 5th month. She is tall, kind of thin, but has a big rear end (IMO). Her face resembles a bassett hound's. No...I'm not being mean...it really does!!!

See....she was setting the stage here. She's pregnant, yet still has her periods, she doesn't show until later on, etc.... Since she's played this deception before, I guess she just assumed that my husband would believe her without question.

Yeah, she had us going for awhile. But, (smack me with a 2x4 if you want), I still have this undying need to know if she is pregnant. She was so manipulative and calculating that just thinking about some of the crap she told us makes my head spin.

Thanks for tolerating me again....I guess I was just having one of those days.

On a lighter note....I went out into my backyard and inspected my rose bushes and picked the most beautiful, perfect rose bud that I've ever seen, so in a way, that made my day better. Happiness comes in small packages, I guess.

<small>[ July 22, 2004, 07:06 PM: Message edited by: Arabesque ]</small>