I've been bad again. I went to the other site and there is a lady who is an OW and she said the MM is trying things out w./ his wife. Ok here is the kicker, they are not intimate (OW& H) they don't spend anytime w/ each other, all they do is talk on the phone? He lies to keep her from getting upset? Saids he loves his wife and they have a new "found" love for each other? She hasn't said anything about being pg or having a child w/ this man. But why would someone just stay and hang around for this man? She has made commints about her "fixing" their M? And she is just happy in waiting for him and taking the crumbs and making mountains out of the fact he picked up the phone? I really just don't get how any woman with any kind of brain be just waiting for a man like that? You would think someone would want more for their life than waiting for someone to call or waiting for someone to show up? A man comes home cause he WANTS to come home! They can sit and think of every excuse on why hes not there, but the fact of the matter is HE LOVES his wife more than you ! He puts the people who need to be first, Wife and Family, first. I think you know there are some woman that are "wife & Mom material and some women are just slut material, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> thats why they keep them in the closet. Just had to vent alittle. Sorry. I didn't even know if I should post but just had to get it off my chest. Ok done now.
Sunny D
Delighted God gave me a brain
Delighted that my life is blessed by him
Delighted to have all you as friends
Delighted we finally got the "other" site going!

Which other sight? I guess that I'm a bit slow--you guys always refer to as other site and I don't which one you fing the OW's lurking on. Please fill in--might need to tell them all how I feel--just kidding!

The one I went to was facereality.com.

Don't go if you can't stand the OW lieing to each other about how great it is to be an OW.

The OW also go to the BW area and slam them. It was way too harsh for me.

I found a site that they refer to as "the pink board" in which the OW's literally bash the betrayed wives. I was kind of curious as to know what makes the OW tick. Let's just say that most of them think we're clueless idiots that don't deserve to have husbands.

Pretty disturbing, IMO.

Sunny, I don't think we will ever understand the OW. I have quit reading on TOW board because it just amazes me how they think.

I struggle all the time with questions about OW: What right did she have to go after my H? Why would she hate me, I have done nothing to her? How can anyone do something to another person/people (BS & BC) when they know it will destroy life as they know it? How can they intentionaly cause so many people so much hurt? The list can go on and on.

Its all a mystery that we will never solve. I find it is easier to put OW in her rightful place in my life - no where. She is nobody to me. I am focusing on the problems that led to the A. I am focusing on rebuilding my family, my M, my life. If things go well, her child will be a part of that. A part that I am willing to accept and love. Her on the other hand, she will remain nothing to me.

I thik they are placed we should not read. They are harsh and prove that OW don't give a rats behind about us. It would be ok to go there if you started felling sorry for the OW. So you can get a reality check that they DONT give a crap about being M and trying to save our M. It just puts doubts in the ones eyes that are really tring to understand why and when questions we seem to never get. But after yesterday God has put it on my heart to pray for these OW/OM and their lives. And I think everyone here should do the same. Pray for your enemies! Thats what he said to do. Nuf preaching.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D.
Delighted that he gave me the strength to get up this moring, (Cause I didn't want to)
Delighted He is helping me w/ pain today.
Delighted that I have someone to carry me today.
bye

Sunny,

Hope U R feeling better & have a great day.

Kris -

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I find it is easier to put OW in her rightful place in my life - no where. She is nobody to me. I am focusing on the problems that led to the A. I am focusing on rebuilding my family, my M, my life. If things go well, her child will be a part of that. A part that I am willing to accept and love. Her on the other hand, she will remain nothing to me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That says it all, I feel the same way. They R truly not worth our time or energy trying to figure out. I do agree w/ Sunny also we need 2 pray 4 these people cuz they R lost, especially SOME of these OW who would prefer 2 raise their OC's & use them as pawns, constantly having drama in their life, rather than do what is best 4 OC & allow contact w/ OC's dad & his wife & family if it is desired. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have run across a few on this forum who are athiest </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dunno why that struck me as funny. Perhaps it's because I was born to a family that has quite a few still hanging in the trees with the monkeys. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> LOL. A TRUE athiest doesn't give a whit about trashing God. They simply believe He doesn't exist and they go about their lives that way. Most are regular people (although for lack of better terms a little ((or a lot)) too cerebral for their own good, imo). Most would love a good debate about His existance, but would never condescend to trash something that is a figment of "mass hysteria." What you read, lil'bit, was not posted by athiests (no matter what they spouted they were), they were people possessed by demons. Really and truly. They'd turned their back on God and allowed Satan's minions to rule their lives and their fingertips (typing).

I love a few athiests, and the only thing you can do is pray for them. Most of them would be bound for heaven (imo) if they didn't let their brains and love for data get in the way. Seeing is not always believing....sometimes it's the believing that causes you to see.

- Kimmy

As someone who had an A, I'm embarassed to be lumped in with the likes of them. I wouldn't want to inflict the kind of pain on BS's that some of them are, and I definitly never wanted to take his wifes place. I also would understand why the wife hated me and not try to act like some innocent bystander. When I do look back on what I was doing then, I don't like what I see.

KrisM - There is a poster over there right now going on and on about how the wife shouldn't hate the OW, it should fall squarely on the H's shoulders and NO ONE else. So much for it takes two to tango? They also go on and on about how they are amazed the wife even stays. They think as soon as D-day hits he'll come running with his bags packed. Read ending and you'll see how many get let down on that theory. Or heck, even the divorce board is ripe with unsuccessful OW that think just because he's getting a D he will want to be with them. Many of them get dumped too because now that the MM is single, he's no longer interested.

Many of them are just as unhappy, if not more unhappy, than we are with our lives at the time being. They put up a front, pure and simple. They lay on the ole "he wouldn't stray if you were taking care of him". Wives say, well, if you're so great, why doesn't he leave his M to me? There is always another side to the coin.

Many of you ladies amaze me with your strength. I often wonder if I could endure what I put my H thru. It makes me cringe to think of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I was just amazed by the one person that would just set and waste her life away for a man she may never get? And they say the men are after them, no the men are at homes with their wives and children and they men the most not matter what cause thats where they are! I don't think any man stays with his wife is she is all that bad and just suffers though it. OK this is NOT the "60s where you made your bed now lay in it. This is an age of choice. I chose to stay, he chose to stay and the OW is choosing to sit there and WAIT? Wait for what? For him not to get the booty call he wanted cause W was tending to children? So comes and gets one there? Oh please, I don't know what they are thinking. And we are the bad ones for making our M work. OK if hes still seeing you then pick up the freaking phone and be a woman! Goes back to the life long rule, do unto others. Yes the BS might not believe you, but if you just give her proof then she would know it was true. Living a lie of decete, will only get you that back. Ok I'm finished now. Thanks again for listening.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Interesting thread. First of all ow/om board is not the best place for a bs to lurk at. I am not even a bs and don't like to go over there. General I rarely go to either. Ya know oc board maybe really hard for you to lurk at becasue of the situation your in. It's the same as an ow coming here. The thing is if you can look past what is being written and what these people are going through you learn. Most have moved on but do have to deal with this on a daily basis just as you. Remember the uh lied to both. Maybe it's wrong for the ow to be considered as she knew the man was married but emotions are emotions. I come here, I lurk I post. Sometimes I get so mad when I read certain things, but I've learned a whole lot coming here and it's helped in my process of going through what I have had/am going through. Of course your going to have a few that bash you. I've had my share here being bashed, but I've also have gotten to know a few better and have realized that we are all people going through this in different ways. I hope that made sense. LIke someone said.......noone is perfect but she'd never wish this pain on even her ow. Well there is pain all the way around. Some of us move on and some of us don't. It takes much longer. We will all have triggers as well that will bring us down for a time being, then go back up.
Nio, facereality is really a tame site compared to tow. I've been a memeber and posting for over a year and it's few and far between that we get the huge debates going and fights. For the most part ow/bs all get a long. We have helped each other through this believe it or not. With or without a oc affairs are hard things. On this site there are very few ow that are still involved and looking to stay involved. Most of the ow there also will tell a ow that is asking for help to RUN AS FAST AS SHE CAN. That is what I really like about that site. As far as tow goes........I have devoloped friendship over there on the oc board as I'm going through it and they are too. Most of the ow are XOW and are moving on. I know it may sound like we are bashing the bs and probaly am to some degree. You've got to remember we need a place to go too, and most of our emotions are going off of what xmm has said all along. It's getting past those emotions. I agree 100% with sunny. If these mm wanted to leave the marriage they would. I do however think that SOME (I said some not all) do stay because it's easier and comfortable and what they are use to. MEN HATE change. But I also feel that if the ow was that important to him he'd leave no matter what he had to go through to be with that ow. In the end no matter what threats bs may or maynot make or what he does or does stand to loose he has a choice to stay or leave. Even with the mm complaining that the bs would take his kids away and take every dime he has..........the laws are so different now. The bs can't do that unless the mm allowed it. The way I look at it, if the mm is so much of a coward that he can't stand up to his wife then why would ow want a man like that and he deserves being unhappy. The wife could not possibly have that much respect for him to walk on him like that and make threats. If the bs is so coward to allow him (mm) to make all the moves and decisions well read above....and if the ow is so stupid to believe that in 5 years whatever when the kids are grown or whatever the excuse is that he will come running to her and she sits and waits, or continues to want a mm who will not stand up for her, deny his own child under any circumstances, and go out of his way to make sure that child is left with nothing, well read above. JMHO

Thanks for everyones replies. I really got upset to know that this woman who deserves to be happy is just sitting there waiting. I guess its no different than the BS try to make their M work and waiting to get a response out of WS who is undesided on what he wants to do or where he wants to be. We all deserve to have someone to love and be honest w/ us and make a vow to stay and stand by it. And we a duty to each other to stay honest. We all have our bad days and we all have good. And the people we place ourselves around make us a better person or not. And I know we M&H have made better people out of both of us. I can talk to him more now, and he me. And we love each other more today than yesterday. But I would hate to think the OW is just sitting waiting for a man she will never have unless I let him go. Sad thats all. But God is good to me and I thank him!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D ( Hi, I'm back)
Delighted that I am over my bug.
Delighted that he gave us this beautiful Day !!
Delighted that I can love and forgive
Delighted He has blessed me so.

Sunny that is sad.......and think about it. The only way she can have him is if you let him go.....I know I'd never want any man under those circumstances. It has to be for the right reasons. Some people just can't let go.

they are quite pathetic! I read at tow and find it amusing. The level of denial and avoidance is stunning. But, any pain they have is well deserved and earned. I do not feel sorry for any ow who is sad or hurt or upset.

As for NTMO, you think men stay because it is "easier and comfortable" You are totally on the denial planet. No way is it easy for a man to try to stay at home. He is living in hell and he created it. The EASY thing to do would be to go live with the OW. But, since the wife is ususally worth it, he fights for his marriage. Saying a man stays cause of this or that is typical ow banter to not have to admit the truth The ow seldom matters. You also haul out the ow mantra of "mm is a coward" yada yada yada. A man is not a coward when he dumps the ow and fights for his wife. Hardly. But many ow need to see it that way, and live their lives dreaming of some man, pining away for them. I find it hysterical. Denial at it's finest!

As for the ow sites. They don't bother me at all. I think they prove that there really is a "type" of woman who becomes an ow, and that they see things entirely different then decent society. They are quick to blame the mm, the bw, the children of the marriage, anyone, but themselves when he11 breaks loose. If it wasn't so funny it would be sad. Reading them trying to justify why a mm stayed is funny. They do and say just about anything to avoid the truth. And just the stuff they say/write explains exactly why they are what they are. Funny, but sad too.

Let them have their sites, stay away and go and enjoy your life! They are not worth your time or thought.

Why would OW stick around???

My theory is this…
Her EN are/were being met. She may not have every need met. She may (and note I said may) have low self esteem and feel that she is getting just enough of her needs met to be happy.
It’s actually the same reason some girls stay with boys that have many friends or girlfriends and don’t spend a lot of time with them.
Then of course, there are all the lies that the MM told her to convince her to stay around.
Some women just want to be needed. Some love the intrigue/drama/excitement of the whole situation.

Every situation is different… Each woman/man has different needs that they feel need to be met to be happy…
The same goes in marriages. We all must strive to fill our spouse’s EN to affair-proof our marriages… or in our cases, recover from infidelity.

I know that I suffer from low self-esteem. But, I am also stubborn. I will strive with all that is in me to recover from this.
I refuse to give OW power over my emotions any longer. I spent way too many minutes/hours/days/weeks/months being angry at her and way too little minutes/hours/days/weeks/months focusing on my marriage and myself.

Try not to focus on the OW… focus on you and your family/children/marriage.

Stacia

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 09:20 AM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</small>