My WW has told me that she want to seperate. She told me last week that she is having a m/c, now her and the OM are meeting every day for 1 to 2 hours to meditate and relax and bond with the baby in an effort to save her P.

She has told me many times that she is not doing this for her relationship with the OM, but for the baby. And, according to her, the OM is only doing this for the baby.

The question that I have is related to her decision that we should seperate, so she can figure out her feelings. Does it make sense to leave your husband of 4 years, together for 8, your two kids, two cats, and dog so you can try to figure this out for yourself? She is unwilling to leave the OM (because of the baby, so she says), but willing to leave me and our kids!!!

My goodness. I realize that life does not always make sense, but how can a sane person think that is the correct choice?

I am stuck in plan nothing because all she focus' on is leaving me. The only advice she is heading is from a friend of hers who had multiple A's, split w/her husband for 6 months or so and told my wife it was the best thing they ever did.

I know that I should not force my beliefs on her, but I am beginning to wonder if she is right. If the OC comes (she cannot correctly remember what she was told, so my guess is the baby's coming -- we should know more Tuesday and another ultrasound on Friday) and we are still married, I think the baby is my responsibility. I am calling a lawyer today to try and find out.

I am concerned that seperation is just another defense mechanism she is using to avoid the pain of resolution. Is that a valid concern?

I still struggle with putting up with this. Why???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The question that I have is related to her decision that we should seperate, so she can figure out her feelings. Does it make sense to leave your husband of 4 years, together for 8, your two kids, two cats, and dog so you can try to figure this out for yourself? She is unwilling to leave the OM (because of the baby, so she says), but willing to leave me and our kids!!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No it doesn't make sense. A WS rarely makes sense. It's called "fog" around here.

To be completely honest, I believe it doesn't make sense, because it's a big fat lie.

When a WS says they want to separate because they "need to figure their feelings out", it can usually be interpreted as, "I want to be free to see OP as often as I want with no interference from my BS".

She's already admitted to contact with him, to meditate for the sake of the baby. To which I say, "yeah right!!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I don't mean to be harsh, just realistic.

If you want your M, Plan A her as best you can. If she ends up leaving, at least let her leave with the best impression of what life with you is like.

Meanwhile, YES, get to a good family law attorney, and find out what you need to do to protect your rights.

I don't know what to say about this whole miscarriage thing. Sounds fishy to me. Hope you get your answers soon.

Take good care.

~ad

cth,
people call this THE FOG.

Your W is out of her head, listening to the wrong people, and doing the WRONG thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I hope K or other dads come give you great advice ASAP!

My spouse never left for the OP, so I can't speak from experience, but some HAVE sucessfully gotten their spouse back using the MarriageBuilder principles. Please read up on those.

I'm so sorry for your pain. I hope your W comes around... Don't give up yet, as you want to be able to tell your kids you gave it your best shot.

Autumnday: I am starting to agree with your opinion, she is telling big fat lies about her feelings. But unfortunatly, I am not sure and that little bit is all that is keeping me around.

Don't you need two people to plan A? I guess not, but this FOG is a real killer.

I think I am a strong person, but I bet I could handle any Iraq prison at this point -- Sure, I can stand for a few days; whats that, no sleep? OK, no problem; lay down on a cold cement floor while people stand around and laugh at me? Which corner would you like me in? Grrrrrrr

(not trying to make light of a bad situation, but the dark humor helps me, I would never wish mistreatment on anyone)

I really hope this is worth it. I want to believe it is, so that I can learn to NEVER make this type of mistake again. I wish I would have listened better.

Water under the bridge, I guess.... But what a great opertunity to learn a lesson.

Any stories or advice from some people that went through this would be great. I would love to hear both results, somes who's marriage was saved, and some who's was not.

Well, today my WW went for a qualitative hormone test to see if she is going to m/c. Apparently, there is still a good chance of an O/C coming into our lives.

I know that there are no crystal balls, but how long can she go on hurting me?

How long do I have to be the better man?

I really hate my life right now.

At least my kids, family and friends still love me, not just 'in love' with me.

I cannot handle her guise of 'I am only seeing him because I am preg.' How can she be so naive?

Oh well, I guess whatever happens will happen.

I'm really sorry for your pain that you are in. Only you know in your heart if a Plan A or B or seperation would be good for you. So many times the BS sits there and listens and is the better person. But all to many times I think we are taken advantage of. In order for your M to work there has to be no contact with the OM. I don't know what to tell you. They may have to talk on the phone here and there, but seeing him for the baby? I'm sorry thats bull crap! And what makes this child any better than yours? I would almost be packing her stuff and getting me an attorney. You need to protect you and your children! You did not have the A and its not you fault. You have to take care of yourself too. Stay strong for your children and these situations do seem to work themselves out for the best.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Thanks Sunny D, My counsler states that a good plan A is six months worth. Holy Moly, has anyone ever done that? I bet Ghandi could not handle that. That seems like forever.

One of the many stress' in my life include work. I will most likely have to move in order to keep my job out of state. I have been looking, but it ain't easy. I would love to move with my WW and kids to 'start over'. Or moving could be the best plan B ever. Only trouble is, I loose my kids.

I think that I can protest the paternity if it comes to it, but I do not want him in her life at all. For any reason. I guess I ain't worth it.

If my WW does not loose the P, I think she is going to see him. I think that if she does loose the P, she will still see him, just not as much.

Is that what you call a Loose-Loose situation?