Luv, I started this on your post, but decided not to waylay it since it is for all of you!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> That is my fault but it's not too late to stick up for my-self.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WTF? You're not to fault here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You've made ever step you could to try to make this work FOR BOTH OF YOU, and HE flubbed it.

If keep beating yourself up about it, I'm coming over there and pouring 'ritas down your throat and am gonna quote Steel Magnolias to you till you have no choice but forget about it (at least till the hangover wears off). THAT MEANS YOU TOO JT...AND GENIA!

All of your wh's are stuck in "taker" mode, and they've been stuck there for A LONG TIME*. Well WE can't be givers all the damn time....if they can't at least meet you all halfway, plan B their arses to death...go dark on them. Pull away. AND PRAY FOR THEM BECAUSE IF ANYONE NEEDS IT, THEY DO. But you girls, my dear, dear, DEAR friends....you start LIVING. We WILL NOT QUIT BREATHING BECAUSE THEY ARE BEING CLASS A ARSES! I won't let you, and if somehow Nio ever slips back into [censored] mode, YOU BETTER NOT LET ME!

M'dears GO DO SOMETHING FUN this weekend without the ball and chains - because that's what these guys are behaving like. Sure as hell don't take them swimming with you - you'd drown in their self pity for sure! Nope, you and the kids go make some sweet memories....if money's an issue, shoot go to the park...just something to get out of the house. I know how oppressive our houses can get if we stay in them when we're so scared.

You are all WORTHY of love. I KNOW someday your wh's will realize it. Too bad for them, sorry bout their bad luck if its after the door hit them in their butts on the way out!

- Kimmy

* Side note: I wonder if "taker mode" is much like depression. You get stuck in it for so long it becomes the only thing you know and you can't get out of it.

Kimmy,
Thank you.

What I was referring to as "as my fault" is that I did not follow through with my bottom line. He crossed it and I let him cross it. I know the rest of it is not my fault.

You question about taker mode could be very true. It makes sense.

Kimmy,

I know why my husband is in taker mode. He has been there all his life. He has been an addict most his life. He has been clean only two years and I guess it is hard for him to learn how to be a giver. I got in an argument with him as I explained in Luv's thread. I explained once again very calmly what I want and he got angry that I wanted him to do something to respect and care for me. Yes I guess I do feel guilty that I caused him to have the affair. WH's own mother told me that I did not cause it, that that was a lie WH told me to ease his guilt. She said WH would have had the affair anyway.

Well I guess I am the last one to post about this issue. Guess what I feel stronger today than I have in a year. All this Shyte was his fualt not mine and guess what he can have it!!! Me and my children are gone. I will be changing my locks on Monday and he should be served on Wednesday, which by the way her due date so they will at least have something to remember me by.

She can have his sorry A$$ I am tired of trying to love someone that doesn't deserve me. I am WORTHY OF LOVE and will have it someday. He made his bed now he must lay in it!! I gave him the chance to support me and our kids but he chose to lie and still be with her thinking that I would always be here, well sorry, but this fish is out to sea.

I am looking forward to being free of this pain on a daily basis. I know that I am not healed by this whole thing , but I must make a step for me and my kids. He is obviously not going to choose us so we must move on - they no WE deserve better.

I feel sorry for her because if he'll do it with ya he'll do it to ya!!

thanks and please keep me on this path!!!!


JT

Hi JT2,

I am so proud of you. I wish I were doing what you are but I am dealing with another issue. I am not sure yet whether I have an STD or not. I am kinda waiting because if he gave me an STD I do not want to spread it. I just want to know if I am OK before I make my move. If he gave me an STD I would want him to know about it. But I hope he did not give me one. I have two problems with my husband. One is his emotional abuse. Second is he refuses to give up contact with OW. Also he insists that it is OK for him to have women friends. I am not sure what he means. I think he means causual because I asked if he confided in them and he said no.