It's been a long time since I've posted last. Well, it's been a whole year since the A and the OW and the OC (girl) I want everyone to know that I've tried and I tried and I admit that my h has also tried to deal with this. Well, to make a long story short my D will be final in Oct/04 and I've moved out of CA to TX last week, I just dropped everything and left. My H realizes now that he needs his family back so I told him to file the CS papers, restraining order & to see if he can give up his parental rights. He's only seen the baby once when she was two days old which was in Dec/03. He still insist that he does not want anything to do with the OW/OC but the Ahole signed the BC and why did he go and see them??? More lies, I just found out 3 weeks ago b/c the county mailed my h CS papers (she's on assistance) I asked my friend who works at the county and she said the only reason why the county would send him the CS papers is if he signed the BC. I confronted him and told him I know you signed the BC and he did admit it and said he didn't know why he did it. Now he's claiming he wants to get a paternity test! Blah, Blah, Blah that's all I hear coming out of his mouth.

The restraining order is b/c the OW is TOTALLY MENTAL. She got a hold of my son's cell phone and leaves stupid messages about her and my h. Then 2 weeks ago she sent a pregnacy test result with a note saying she was pregnant from my h again and they are in a relationship and thought I should know. Of course he denied it till he was blue in the face. He said he didn't want to tell me but she's been harassing him at work and following him. He said if she's pregnant it's not from him. He has not seen her or talked to her since he seen the baby last in Dec/04. I told him if he wants to be a family again I want this OW/OC out of my marriage completely... I did not Marry him so he can do this to me. He filed all the papers yesterday (CS & restraining order)I told my h when everything is done and overwith that he can call me to come back home other than that just to leave me alone. Now he's crying he F***** up and now he's paying for his mistakes by having his family up and leave. He's alone now but if he really Loves his family he would do the right thing and get the Mental OW out of my marriage. I will not stand for an OW to have any part of my family's life, hell no!!! When my husband shows me proof it's over I'll go back to him and if that's after my d is final so be it. My marriage is tainted with the A/OW/OC why not end it and start all over...

Anyways, how can or if my h can file to have his paternity rights terminated. What does he have to do?

I know and understand this is MB and I respect everyone who's marriage is back on track. I mean no disrespect to anyone with my post. I envy you all for making it work and I know it takes a lot of dedication on both parts. That's all I wanted in our mending but I can stand it when more lies come out later it's like finding out all over again. Please, accept my apologies if I offended anyone.

I'm sorry you're having to go through all this.

In regards to terminating parental rights, you DO understand that this will not let him off the hook as far as child support for the OC, don't you?

And, yes, he does need to take a paternity test! If the baby is not his, then he can dispute paternity.

Hi,

I am so sorry for your pain. I think you are doing the right thing. You do not deserve all the lies and crap.

Thanks Lady Clueless,
I know h has to pay CS if he terminates his parental rights. I don't care as longs as the OW/OC are both out of our lives. Unfortunetly, I will only think of them as a bill we have to pay each month <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> and who doesn't hate paying bills, I know I do.

Where should h go to request Terminating his parental rights and should he do this before, during or after the CS hearing?

Does any one know of a reason why a Judge will not approve my h request to terminate his parental rights?

Please, any advise would be appriciated.

You moved from CA to TX? So CS orders are in CA?

If they are in CA, the county does not need the signature to start CS paperwork. FYI. They send it out to any man the woman on assistance has named as the father. Then the man has a right to request dna testing to establish paternity.

Second, from what i have read/heard a judge will not usually allow a man to just sign away rights unless there is someone to stand in & adopt the child. Our lawyer told us this directly when OW was starting to talk about it. I guess the courts assume many men will request this just to get out of paying CS, but even if it does happen I have heard that men still have to pay CS.

BUT what your H CAN do is give ALL legal & physical custody to OW so that he has no rights to child & he can stipulate anything he wants in his paper work such as OW is never to C him for any reason regardless.

Also in the state of CA, he will also have to provide health insurance coverage no matter what state he moves too, OC will have to be on it.

*********
I am sorry that it has taken all this for your H to even start to get his butt in gear. I am glad that this has allowed you te get more control of your life. You are a very brave woman & I admire you for that.

take care of your self & I hope your H gets it together BEFORE it is too late.

In regards to terminating parental rights, you DO understand that this will not let him off the hook as far as child support for the OC, don't you?
Most states it will terminate any obligations of child support.

H has been on the ball!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

All CS papers have been filed with the DA's since last week. Yea, that's done.

This past Monday h went to a paralegal to help him file the "Terminate Parental Rights" with the courts. 2 down and ? more to go.

Then yesterday (Thursday) OW went to h work per h request to have her sign an official ageement from the DA's office to have her welfare terminated so h can pay her CS monthly. OW signed it and left. Wait, it gets better. She decides a few hours later she doesn't like that Idea and changes her mind. I told h too late she signed the agreement. So this morning before the doors open at the DA's office h was there ready to get the agreement into thier hands. Agreement was in h got his copy stamped saying they recieved the original copy and left. It's up to the court to determine the agreement now. Either way my h will pay a merely $350 a month <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . That's nothing compare to what I've seen other h have to pay. It pays to be on welfare I guess? OW will continue to collect medical (Insurance) and food stamps which h does not have to pay the county back. Yea!!!

OW will be so surprised about h requesting to terminate his parental rights. Boo hoo, I'm hurt!!! She's a piece of work and I will not tolerate this person to interfere with my life... I guess h is serious about our marriage afterall. After all this is done and overwith we both agreed to have him leave CA and come move with me to TX to live a life of peace as it should be.

KTbunch,
Thanks for the info, always appriciated: I will take into consideration about what you mentioned if h parental rights do not get terminated. I will let h know to request this: "give ALL legal & physical custody to OW so that he has no rights to child & he can stipulate anything he wants in his paper work such as OW is never to C him for any reason regardless"

Can he request this during his court hearing when and if the Judge denies his request or before? He already file the CS papers...

Praying that everything works out for you!

Hi,
I was wondering did he request for paternity testing? He should do that too.

Dawn

Devistated Chris,
I sincerely hope that the initiative you and your H have taken will eventually make this all a *bill* you must pay each month.

It sounds as if your H truly wants to make ammends to you and is doing all the right things.

This is totally about the two of you and if you want a future together without constant rearing of ugly heads....mainly OW who "only want the best for their kids" who were made unintentially with your (our) husbands, then terminating all rights for now is for the best for YOUR marriage.

We counseled with Steve Harley and he has said it is the best thing to do to prevent injury to the WS. To continue visits will only continue to allow the WS to feel like a side car in a circus of hurtful, dramatic events in the future. It also would allow contact with the former lover and that is considered dangerous as it will/can be a temptation in the future as Harley has seen affairs rekindle if N/C isn't in place.

Our situations are indeed the worst kind to be in. The longevity of the pregnancy, and the hopeless feelings our spouses have over that feeling of guilt between us and oc is truly incredible and almost inhumane....once the oc/ow are out of the picture and you focus again on each other, the future will begin to improve.

So happy to hear you two are headed for recovery alone as you were when you married!

Blessings and love
Debi

It's very expensive for h and I to afford a Lawyer that is why we are going through a Paralegal to help with paper work. They are not allow to give any legal advice so we are doing the best we can to get OW/OC out of our Marriage.

I would appriciate if anyone can answer the questions below to help my h before his CS hearing:

At the time of the CS hearing can h request a paternity test or does this need to be done before the CS hearing? H is having second thoughts about OC being his.

Can h request a paternity test even after the OW and h signed an agreement for the amount of Child Support?

The courts can't make h have contact with OC if h doesn't want too, right? h already went to the Paralegal's office to have them draw up the "Terminate Parental rights" and are filed in the courts already.

h can leave CA right after the CS hearing, correct, he doesn't need to stick around for anything? h wants to move to TX to be with me and our son.

Can h request to have OC last name changed to OW last name? OW put h last name on BC. h does not want anything at all to do with OC, so he feels OC should not have his last name.

Please, if anyone can help my h and I, it would be very much appriciated. Also, if anyone feels to give more advice before my h CS hearing by all means please do so.

Get the paternity test done immediately. I know laywers are expensive, but call one and have him in the wings, just in case. You should not be paying a dime until paternity is established. Can you call the Family Courts and ask about this? Ask a million questions, then contact an attorney, for a consultation. Make a list of every question you have, and can imagine. Then call and let the attorney know that while you can't afford to hire them to represent you, you want them to look over your case and answer some questions and get some advice. Then see if they can be "on-call" just in case. Cause with ow, you just never know and it would serve you and your family well to have one in the background.
Especialy since papers are signed, but paternity is not established. 300 a month, for 18 years is in excess of $64,000. If that child is not his, the money on the attorney to make dang sure paternity is established will have saved you thousands in the long run.

If that child is his, you can do whatever you want. We wanted nothing to do with oc. It took a couple of years to iron out the boundaries. ow gets cs/insurance and that is it. She was told from day one to not contact any of us for any reason. She was to go through attorneys at all times. Of course she thought we were kidding. In typical ow fashion, she assumed that my H and his family would be dreaming and missing the oc. She could not have been more wrong. It was a blessing to our family and our children to have no contact, and in this house, they are the children that matter.


She would call send photos, etc. We ended up taking her to court a few times for harrassment. The judge really leveled her, saying he "knew her kind" and the "games she was playing" stuff like that. He all but called her a whore in court. She was forced to pay our legal fees, since it was her harrassment that landed us in court in the first place. We ended up adding our extended families to the no-contact clause in the agreement.

So, get yourself educated, learn everything you can about the laws in your state. Once all is taken care of, plan on living a loving and thriving life in Texas, away from the mistakes of the past. Start anew, let him make this up to you! I can promise you that your life will go on, you will have birthdays, holidays, vacations, school plays, soccer games. Your life will be normal. You will forget they even exist! You will laugh and love. I guarantee it. So, take it one day at a time and you will be fine. Above all, remember that ow/oc are none of your concern and you and your husband need to make any and all decisions based on what is best for that. Once you are both agreeing to what course you want to take pertaining to oc, you are on your way to your future.

I was hoping you would give some sound advice Lynn and you did. Thank you.

My h signed the BC, he said he didn't know why he did it but he did. I will let h know to see about getting a paternity test done ASAP.

OW is a piece of work too, I know she will not let go of the fact that h does not want anything to to with her or OC. He will let the Judge know that he or his family are not to be contacted at all, no if ands or butts. OW is crazy and when she finds out h filed to terminate his parental rights she's going to flip. In the long run I hope she gets the picture and leaves us alone. Doubt it, she's PYCHO!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />