Hi,

I posted this question on General Questions but nobody responded. So could you all my family help me out with links if anybody knows where I can find a Plan B letter template.

<small>[ August 06, 2004, 01:23 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Hi Genia! I can give you my Plan B letter! It is pretty good!

Could you post it for me.

I took somebody else's I found and revised it. Here it is. Maybe I can put them all together.

Dear husband,

This is such a hard letter to write to you. I feel devastated that our love for each other has become so cold. The decision I now have to make is out of necessity to preserve the love I still have for you.
I have made many mistakes in the last 3 years and I cannot change them or take any of them back. I have expressed over and over to you my deep sorrow and regret for cheating on you while you were in prison. I know you feel you cannot trust me but if we made an effort together we could at least be more open and honest with each other. I also know that you would like to see me be more of an outgoing type person. I would be willing to seek therapy to help me be that type of person.
Since the day I discovered your affair, I have waited patiently for you to end your relationship with Other Woman. It has been the most horrible, difficult and painful experience I have ever been through. The hurt and emptiness I experience daily is almost too much to bear. I'm afraid that my emotional connection to you is lessening and my love for you is slipping away. In order to protect the love that I feel for you, I believe it would be best for us to not have any further contact. I will avoid seeing you or talking to you and will no longer offer financial support. I hope you understand that this is by no means a punishment to you, but rather to protect my feelings for you and preserve a possible reconciliation in the future. I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way. This letter is an honest effort to keep a love you don't see nor accept at this time. In time, I hope you will see that love, but I also know that you may never accept my love again.
When you are willing to completely and permanently end your relationship with OW other than pickup and drop-off of your daughter, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future together. The way things stand now, I feel being with you is too painful as you continue to call OW behind my back and to disrespect my feelings. I do care for your new baby and would be willing to help raise her, but it would have to be in our home.
As soon as you are willing to separate completely from OW other than contact with your daughter, I will be willing to talk about our future. We can discuss a plan to renew the love you and I both know was once so strong.
I love you WS,
ME

<small>[ August 03, 2004, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Hi Genia...I am not very good with the Plan B letter so you might want to post it on the GQ forum...you may have already..I havne't been over there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I tend to be long winded when it comes to writing these letters...but you are welcome to use mine...I also took bits and pieces from other letters and paraphrased it!

Here is my Plan B letter!

Dearest WH

It is with the greatest pain and tearful eyes that I sit here and write this letter to you. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life! It is truly sad what has happened to our marriage and us. The path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation. Please let me explain.

I would first like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in the demise of our marriage. I have made many mistakes in the past that cannot be changed. What I have been able to do is recognize those mistakes in judgment and have learned from them so that I can take steps to ensure that they will not occur again. I neglected your needs and failed to give you the praise that you deserved and needed so many times. I was selfishly caught up in myself, and with my selfishness and foolishness I helped create a void in our marriage. I failed to recognize the needs that you so badly needed. I didn’t support you in your business decisions the way I should have and I wasn’t there for you as a good wife and lover as I should have been.

I could not see through my own confusion as to why I was so angry. I can see clearly now those things I was lacking in. I just didn’t understand how important it was to us. I was too focused on taking care of the kids and not focused enough on taking care of our marriage. I have made it clear to everyone that my time with my family, especially for my wonderful husband, is and will be my number one priority. You will always come first. I want to learn even more about how to be a supportive and loving wife. The type of woman that I hope you would be proud of to call your wife. The same pride I felt so many times when I called you my husband. I want us to build a life together that is built on meeting each others emotional needs and to avoid the things that got us to the place we now find ourselves. I love you WH, more than you will ever know. I know I have hurt you in the past and I never want to make you feel that way again.

Since March 2, I've been trying to give you hope for the marriage by learning how to be a better wife to you. To give you hope that you could return to a marriage that you wanted, and for us to build our family together. I have tried to show you the changes I have been making in myself to make this marriage better. I cannot do this while your affair continues and you and OW are still together. Your affair hurts me. These past few months have been the most difficult of my life. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. I am afraid that my stamina for this is waning. In order to protect the love that I feel for you, I believe it would be best for us not to have contact. I cannot continue to see or talk with you while the affair with OW continues.

As you know I am still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you. One, in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished and honored. I simply cannot continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are still involved with OW. It has become too painful. We can only rebuild our marriage..together...when you completely sever your relationship with OW.

I feel it is best that you find another place to stay, while I continue to stay at our home and take care of the children and the upkeep of the house. I do not wish for your bond with the children to suffer any further and I will be as flexible as possible with visitation of the children. The children need their father, but I will not tolerate any contact with OW and them. It is your choice to be with OW, not theirs. The boy’s are very confused. I have to be strong for them and for myself.

I will leave any mail in the mailbox on a designated day. I would also like any other communications between us to be handled through friend. Her number is (H)xxx-xxx-xxxx; ( C) xxx-xxx-xxxx. Her email address is @.net. I will contact T, but as you know she has her own problems. If you have any urgent matter, you can email me, text message me or call friend. You can also call my mom and dad at any time as well.

I love you so much and you must know the torturous pain and suffering I have endured because of your relationship with OW. I simply cannot stand by and watch you destroy the love we once shared any longer. This separation is a necessity to preserve my love for you and to avoid poisoning all that we have shared together, and to give our marriage the best chance for recovery!

I hope that you will understand that I am not doing this to hurt you or punish you but to protect my love for you and any chance of reconciliation in the future. I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way. I love you, but I refuse to be a doormat any longer.

I will be willing to discuss our future together as soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OW and are willing to construct a plan to ensure a total separation and a plan to commit to the marriage. Until that time, I will continue to keep my faith that I will someday see my Husband again and watch him walk through the doors of the home that was once filled with so much love and laughter. I love you so much and I want nothing more than to rebuild our marriage. I know we CAN have a great marriage and life together! I have loved you and stuck by you through thick and thin...as a girlfriend, wife, mother, confidant, friend and as a soulmate. I still love you today, I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are still involved with OW. It pains me too much! I truly regret and am truly sorry for helping to create an environment that made you vulnerable to the Affair.

I will always love you!

Your Loving Wife,

MOM

Genia,

Here is the link for the Plan B Sample Letters

After reading them, write yours and start a thread on General Questions II with a title something like--"Help please with my Plan B letter." Post your letter on this thread and ask for suggestions and advice. I'm sure you'll get it.

Hi,

I have posted under General Questions II. I also have questions as to how and when if WH should want to resume relationship, that should be communicated. By letter or phone. What proof would I need that he had reformed. Should it just be a gut feeling. I guess I need more Plan B information.
Momtothreeboys,

I will look at yours and see if there is anything I would want to add to mine but as our situations are different a lot does not apply. I may want to remind him to forward his mail however.

<small>[ August 04, 2004, 08:16 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Hi Genia...I wrote my letter back in May I believe...so it was long before OC was a factor...When I go into Plan B again, I will have to write a whole new letter <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Do you have an intermediary? Once your WH wants to resume the relationshiop and work on your marriage, he is supposed to go thru the IM first! I cant tell you how many times my WH called me and said "It's almost over"...of course I would pick u pthe phone only to get more upset...Plan B is to protect US the BS's from all this pain...so it is essential you use your IM.

Once all the requirements are met according to your letter, then you can talk to your WH...but others can give you better advice as I was never good at the Plan B thing... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

No I do not have an intermediary. How would I choose one. I am still planning departure. After fight we have been cordial but have not made up. He slept in bed with me but we did not touch each other. I am still keeping in mind reasons for leaving even though I am calm and at peace now.

Here is revised letter please critique. Momto3boys I used peices of your letter and peices of the other letter. I left out the part of financial because I knew that would offend him since he is a man. Any other ideas. I want this letter to be perfect.


Dear husband,

It is with the greatest pain that I sit here and write this letter to you. I feel devastated that our love for each other has become so cold. The path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation. Please let me explain.

I have made many mistakes in the last 3 years and I cannot change them or take any of them back. I have expressed over and over to you my deep sorrow and regret for cheating on you while you were in prison. I know you feel you cannot trust me but if we made an effort together we could at least be more open and honest with each other

Since the day I discovered your affair, I have waited patiently for you to end your relationship with Other Woman. It has been the most horrible, difficult and painful experience I have ever been through. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. I'm afraid that my emotional connection to you is lessening and my love for you is slipping away. In order to protect the love that I feel for you, I believe it would be best for us not to have contact. I cannot continue to see or talk with you while you talk to OW on an almost daily basis. I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way. This letter is an honest effort to keep a love you don't see nor accept at this time. In time, I hope you will see that love, but I also know that you may never accept my love again.

As you know I am still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you, in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished, and honored. I simply cannot continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are still involved with OW. It has become too painful. We can only build a marriage together when you have completely severed relationship with OW.

When you are willing to completely and permanently end your relationship with OW other than pickup and drop-off of your daughter, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future together. The way things stand now, I feel being with you is too painful as you continue to call OW behind my back and to disrespect my feelings. I do understand your desire for contact with your soon to be born daughter but I expect you to establish paternity and visitation legally through the court system. I would also require that you take a person with you whom you and I trust for pickup/dropoff. I feel that any other arrangement would leave you and I open to manipulation by the OW. I love you, but I refuse to be a doormat any longer.

I would also like any communications between us to be handled through your step-mom or sister. We can then discuss a plan to renew the love you and I both know was once so strong.

I love you WS,
ME

<small>[ August 06, 2004, 01:26 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Revised again after critique from General Questions II


Dear husband,

It is with the greatest pain that I sit here and write this letter to you. I feel devastated that our love for each other has become so cold. The path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation. Please let me explain.

I have made many mistakes in the last 3 years and I cannot change them or take any of them back. I have expressed over and over to you my deep sorrow and regret for cheating on you while you were in prison. I know you feel you cannot trust me but if we made an effort together we could at least be more open and honest with each other.

Since the day I discovered your affair, I have waited patiently for you to end your relationship with Other Woman. It has been the most horrible, difficult and painful experience I have ever been through. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. I'm afraid that my emotional connection to you is lessening and my love for you is slipping away. The way things stand now, I feel being with you is too painful as you continue to call OW behind my back and to disrespect my feelings. In order to protect the love that I feel for you, I believe it would be best for us not to have contact. I cannot continue to see or talk with you while you talk to OW on an almost daily basis. I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way. This letter is an honest effort to keep a love you don't see nor accept at this time. In time, I hope you will see that love, but I also know that you may never accept my love again.

When you are willing to completely and permanently end your relationship with OW other than pickup and drop-off of your daughter, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future together. I do understand your desire for contact with your soon to be born daughter but I expect you to establish paternity and visitation legally through the court system. I would also require that you take a person with you whom you and I trust for pickup/dropoff. I feel that any other arrangement would leave you and I open to manipulation by the OW.

I would also like any communications between us to be handled through your step-mom or sister. We can then discuss a plan to renew the love you and I both know was once so strong.

I love you WS,
ME

genia,

I wish you the best sweetie and I hopr that you can be strong during this time. You can not waiver or your H will know that he can continue to do whatever he wants. You must stand your ground. all I can say is it is time to become the strong person that I know is in there some where. We must all stand up for what we know to be right and just pray that the Lord will bless us along the way. He has your road already mapped out you just have to follow his lead.

Talk to you soon,
JT

Genia,

I think your ltr. sounds good, what will you do if he won't leave?

Or r u just trying to let him know what you will & will not put up with any longer?

At any rate, I am praying 4 u, hope it wakes H up!

hi JT and babygirl,

Thanks for your thoughts of encouragement. I have been advised to get a protective order.

Hi,

I need your help. Somebody from General Questions II thinks I should leave this out of my Plan B letter and discuss if we reconscile. I did discuss this with my husband this weekend and it brought on a huge argument. You would think I was asking for the world. I thought I should include in letter so he would know terms of reconciliation. I do not even want to talk to him unless he agrees to these terms. But I guess I could discuss this with intermediary should he wish to reconcile. They thought letter was too long and wrote a shorter version of my letter.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I do understand your desire for contact with your soon to be born daughter but I expect you to establish paternity and visitation legally through the court system. I would also require that you take a person with you whom you and I trust for pickup/dropoff. I feel that any other arrangement would leave you and I open to manipulation by the OW </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Genia,

Y do u need a protective order?

I was told or read also that the ltr. should not b long & I know I can get very long winded. I think u could leave it out & just say that if & when H wants to talk about reconcilliation (sp) u will be available. Then at that time u can discuss specifically what u expect from him.

Just a thought.

Hi Babygirl,

The house is solely in my name. I purchased house while husband was in prison and only put my name on the house. I need him to leave. I think he might refuse. He is being sweet now and thinks I will forget my demands. He thinks he can just keep manipulating me. I talked to lady with coalition for battered women. Although husband is makeing threats to hit me and emotionally abusing me she does not think it is enough to get a protective order. She is checking to see what steps I must take to get him out of my house. So I am sorta in the same boat as LUV with my husband saying he is leaving but not leaving.

Have you heard from them at the coalation?

Am thinking of you ALL the time! I hope he gets out soon so you can have some PEACE in your life!

Love to you - strength to hold you up - and friendship when you need someone to listen!

- Kimmy

Genia,

Your situation is a lot like mine, only my name is on the house, in my state I cannot throw him out unless I file for a D or legal separation then I can have him removed by the sheriffs office if he refuses to leave.

I am so sorry you have to go thru this, & get this agency involved but you have to do what is best for you & your kids.

I am still praying your H wakes up & sees he is about to lose you for real.

Stay strong, keep praying.

Hi Babygirl and Kimmy,

Thanks for your support. I have found out that although WH has threatened to hit me, it may not be enough to kick him out under a protective order. This agency sent me information concerning my rights. I think I will have to get a legal separation to get him out. He knows just how far he can go because his Dad is a retired detective. I think WH is sensing that I am ready to end relationship. Yesterday evening he called and asked why I don't call him no more. I said that is your job now. Calling you is too painful. You all remember how I used to call him and he would act like he didn't want me to call. Last night he helped his Dad do something and he came home about 11:00 P.M. He asked if I missed him. I said a little but that I kept myself busy so as not to be down. He said that he missed me. That is unusual for him to say mushy stuff like that out of the blue. Last night in bed before he went to sleep he held me close and kept saying over and over how much he loved me. I was in shock. I asked, "why" He said, "Don't ruin a good thing." I was quiet after that and enjoyed his rare show of affection towards me. I cannot help but be skeptible of this sudden show of affection. I am waiting for the bottom to fall out. I am thinking that he is sensing that I am really planning on leaving and he is grooping for straws. He wants to be able to have his freedom out their but I am his security. He really don't want to lose me but I don't think he wants to give up his freedom either.

<small>[ August 10, 2004, 09:30 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Genia,

Isn't it a shame that we seem to always question their motives when they r being loving & attentive. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Last nite my H asked y I didn't call him all day, he just got his phone back on, but I am like u when I used to call him I'd either not reach him or he couldn't talk so I don't bother & I am not going to bother calling him - for what?

I think your H is scared that u r tired of his unwillingness to respect your wishes & plan to make good on your threat to put him out. I don't know what to tell u, who wants to spend money on legal papers only to take H back, so be absolutely sure this is what you want to do before u go ahead with the letter. I know u r tired, so am I. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sorry I don't have any words that can help u.