NTMO,

Yes it is a start, however the point Babygirl is makeing is that she wants to bond with OC and she cannot do that if she just sees the child every now and then. Visitation needs to be legal and on schedule through the court. Her husband has been dragging his feet on this issue. Am I on target, Babygirl?

NMTO,

Thanks for your thougts & I do owe u an apology since I wondered y u post here m & said so on your post 2 Lynn. I felt it brought more pain 2 ME at least that u did post here as I felt u have nothing 2 offer discussions dealing w/ how 2 rebuild your M while dealing w/ OC, being that u r no longer M.

If u r trying 2 gain insite on what 2 do the next time around if that happens 4 u, I guess I can see where u r coming from.

Speaking as an OW though u can't really give me any insite on this creature who w/ the help of my H invaded my M. I know her, the way she thinks & her motives that sometimes my H does not see. Yes my first thought was "good she is letting the baby come over & spend the nite maybe this is the start of a regular visitation schedule" but it was not discussed between H & myself so I had no other choice but 2 come 2 the conclusion that OW was desparate 4 a sitter & asked H.

I am pretty confident that she has moved on & far as wanting 2 b w/ my H, she is looking 2 rekindle her relationship w/ the father of her 2 sons. That being the case she is now just being a byatch about V & yes that is & always has been up 2 my H to straighten out. So yes I immediately looked at this from all angles but Genia knows my WHOLE story & she totally summed it up, this is about leagalites now, & if they are not put in place I am walking, & that will be H's fault more so than OW. Bottom line I must now do what I need 2 FOR ME.

Yes the overnite visit may have been the start of more 2 come. I pray that it was as I do want contact w/ OC & if I stay M 2 H that will happen, I know it would not be any other way, BUT it must be done in decency & in order or not at all.

Baby I don't know why your apoligizing to me as I guess I must of missed something, but no worries. I agree with you, it should all be legal and on the table. It protects everyone involved. I hope it does work out for you and husband will do what is needed.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAATT Need to move on???? You posted things that I HAVE SAID. DNA, legal, etc. SEE, we can agree!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As for BH raising OC. Well, we had one on here who is and is quite happy to do so. We have had others who have been on here, and have divorced immediately upon hearing that WW is preggers with OM child. We have had a man on here, who left after being with the child, THEN findng out he was not the daddy. I would say that the reason we say no contact is cause of the upheaval and drama it creates. I would think that if a man had a wife pregnant by another man, he and she would still have to come to the same agreement. If he wanted her but not the oc, they would have to agree to give it up/abort, etc. or the marraige would end. I think it is the same POJA. Very few men here really to get a consensus of how many stay and raise anothers child.

Baby, I understand your confusion about your ow. She thinks she can dictate what goes on in YOUR home. As soon as you do things legally, you have legs to see the oc, etc. DNA, set visitation, etc.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAATT Need to move on???? You posted things that I HAVE SAID. DNA, legal, etc. SEE, we can agree!!

You and I have ALWAYS agreed on that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> IF you would just look deep into my heart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Baby, I will agree with Lynn on this one too.(OhMyGAWD) if you get things legal your husband every say so. That is what I was telling you. And also I guess I was also saying that no matter what the reasons were at least it's a start (even if for her own selvish reasons) and you have prof of the child being with you and the child is just fine.

LynnG & NMTO --

Glad 2 c u girls can AGREE & have called a truce!

H is going 2 file 4 V soon, he knows he has a deadline - so we will c.

P.S. Have not seen the baby since that nite. - I know no one is surprised???????? I'm not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hey BG - I hadn't really responded to this thread but I did have some thoughts. So here is my 2 cents. Sorry if any of this is repetitive, I haven't read all of the replies.

Let's leave the OW out of this for a moment and focus on your H. For a long time, he has heard from you how you want to spend time with the OC. He was presented with the opportunity, so he made the effort to bring her to your home. It would upset me too that there was no warning, but how much notice did he have before he knew he would have her for the night? Maybe OW was having trouble finding a sitter and asked him at the last moment. I don't know. I just think that this was his attempt to try to make things right with you. One small baby step to the future. Who cares what OW's motives were? The OC was with you and your H for the night - isn't that what you wanted?? Maybe this will be a little incentive for your H to seek a regular schedule. It had to feel good for him to have his child in his home. I would hate only seeing my child at a daycare center. I would hope this would motivate him to take some action.

As far as you being a good step mom - hands down you will be a great step mom. Don't you ever doubt that. Of course you felt uncomfortable with this situation. It was unexpected and you didn't have the chance to prepare yourself for it. Give it some more time. You will bond with that little tyke and you will be a very positive influence on her life.

Hang in there. Things will get better - God promises that. You have been through so much. You can handle this too.

Love you!

Kris,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe OW was having trouble finding a sitter and asked him at the last moment. I don't know. I just think that this was his attempt to try to make things right with you. One small baby step to the future. Who cares what OW's motives were? The OC was with you and your H for the night - isn't that what you wanted?? Maybe this will be a little incentive for your H to seek a regular schedule. It had to feel good for him to have his child in his home. I would hate only seeing my child at a daycare center. I would hope this would motivate him to take some action.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks so much for a different POV I hadn't thought of. I don't know when OW asked H to babysit & how much advance notice he had. I of course focused right away on OW & her game playing & how H was willing to do what she asked & worry about my feelings later. He thought he was doing something that would make me happy since this was the first time she stayed overnite & he wanted to include me in the visit but my being pissed off wouldn't let me.

Whats done is done & I do hope that this will motivate him to move on this, that & my ultimatum of course.

Thanks for your vote of confidence also regarding my "mothering" skills. If the Lord says the same I will get the chance to use them with my step daughter one day.

Glad I could help BG. Just push the OW from your mind - she is no longer a part of your life. Focus on the positive. It is so easy to think negatively about things - we have had our share of the bad. I am so sick and tired of doubt and fear and anger and hatred controlling my life. I am making the conscious effort to focus on the positive. Not saying I don't have those negative feelings anymore - just read my thread and you see I doubt alot. It is just so easy to assume negative things about our H's. I think its time to give them the benefit of the doubt and focus on what could be good intentions. They have truly made a mess of our lives and I think they haven't a clue how to fix things. That's why God gave them such strong and beautiful wives!! We are meant to take care of them forever! Lucky us!!!

Hang there and I know your H will come around. Try telling him that you enjoyed spending time with OC and wish you could see her more. Ask how he felt having her in his home. Be honest about your feelings and bond over this experience of having OC in your home - don't let it tear you apart more.

Love you!!

BBYG,

I haven't talked to you in awhile, yet I have been keeping up. I hope that your H does go for V. He knows that it is the only way to keep you. I wish you well and I thank you for the sound advice that you have given me. I think that I might agree with Kris' opinion on that night. However you must focus on the two of you since the OW is really out of the picture.


Now is the time to rebuild the trust and the relationship. Have date nights and a schedule and maybe things won't be so up in the air between the two of you. Have fun being with one another. Don't let OW/OC consume you. Trust me it gets you nowhere, and more up in arms.

Love Ya,

JT

PS.-Keep praying.