Well we haven't seen you in a while either! How are things in your neck of the woods?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Did your H get D papers yet?

I've been lurking, but have been pretty quiet. I do need you girls support though. I am doing the hardest thing I have ever had to do - so of course I am so afraid!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I love him, but it is not enough anymore. I can not be married to him and he is not giving up the OW. I will not be second best. I will not put my children through this anymore. I have opened the door for him to come back and he wont. All he continues to say is that I nag nag nag. Well he wont have that to worry about anymore so I must get myself together and move on with my life.

I do not plan to be selfish or bytchy when it comes to the kids because I don't want to take their father from them I just don't want to be the OW anymore. That's how I am being treated like I am the OW and I am not important here - so I say no more. I do not want a H to treat me that way. either you can love only me or not me at all!!

I am taking back my life - I lost my mother 2 years ago, my grandmother had a stroke last year and never returned to her old self, My H affair came out, I have been through the worst I think I can ever go through - so now I have to move ahead and look forward to whatever the lord has in store for me.

It will not be easy, but it must be better than the pain I have been living in for the past ten months. So pray with me and for me - and please don't leave me!!

JT

PS- Albany he should be served the early part of next week - I guess!!

Hi JT,

Like I said I feel your pain so real. If my husband cannot stop calling OW before baby is born he will be visiting OW when baby is born. I have tried to put blinders on because of the pain but now is time to take off the blinders and to tell our sorry husbands that we love so much that we cannot take no more. If God wants us to have our husbands he will bring them crawling back to us. So after the papers are served just pray that God will make them miserable in there hog scraps.

JT, I'm so glad you popped in to see us! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I've missed you. I'm sorry that you have gone though so much pain! But you have become a better person because of it. It may not seem so now, but in the long run you will be a stronger, more in-control woman. I'm glad you are taking the steps to improve your life! God will bless you and you will one day enjoy life like it was ment to be. It is heart breaking to see your chldren to have to go though all of this also. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> We are here for you and if you need anything, vent, rejoice, or just cry to someone just send me an email and I'll give you my #! We are all here w/ you. Sisters by the fire!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

JT,

I am proud of you. I need to make the move but I can't. In order to do anything either he or I need to move out. He refuses and I just can't seem to get past the huge task it will be to move. But I know I should probably do it.

Like you I have been lurking a lot lately. I will post a response to someone but just don't have the energy or something to post about myself.

Good luck my dear.

Hi Luv,

I feel your pain. We were all in your shoes at one time. Making that move is so very difficult. I understand and do not judge you. I am trying to make that move myself. It takes soul shattering stuff. For me it was that my husband does not talk to his 15 and 16 year old, yet he is chasing after OW. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I wish I did not have to do this. I really hope that you can get visitation worked out through the courts and that things will get better for you LUV.

Hi JT,

Sorry for the Hijack but since LUV is just lurking I did not know if she wanted a thread started for her. JT, are you OK. I know how much it hurts to leave the man we love more than anything in the world. We just cannot take their crap any longer.

<small>[ August 09, 2004, 11:52 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Hi all,

It hurts tremendously, but I can not let that stop me because I know that this is what's best. My H has no real remorse because he thinks he is justified. He thinks because I did some hateful things to him while pregnant and in pain from losing my mother, he is justified. But as I told him instead of working on your marriage he decided to start a new relationship. Even after I found out when he begged me to stay with him he continued to lie to me and see OW and myself.

He continued to live two lives only now he was able to come and go in and out of my house as he pleased. I was not going to stand for it any longer. She was not going to make him choose obviously - and I know that I did not get married to share my H. I also did not want my H to be able to come and go this was a home and should be treated as sacred. After all of this he still continues to lie and say that he is not coming home until he is ready.

So my answer to that is there is no longer open arms waiting for you to choose us. We should have been first - not LAST. I WILL NOT BE SECOND TO ANYONE!!!

IT HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH!!

I"M GONE!!

JT

I feel so much for you--you are doing great and stonger than I. I think that this is best and I really Think your H doesn't want to be done but I can't figure what the deal is with OW.

Hang tough!

Hi Albany,

Sorry I could not get on this weekend my computer was acting up. I really wanted to chat with you. I hope that you are doing well. I miss talking to you. hope to talk to you later. I'll try to get on tonight if you are going to be there.

How are you doing? Update me please I am concerned about you.

JT

JT Hang in there girl! I can't get one has to move out. Can you not file and get him out? Or change the locks when he is gone? Thats aounds mean but he has to make a choice! All of these men do. If they can't than WE have to. Its not an easy thing w/ children but we have to what is best so mom can be the best she can for them. As far as H is concerned I guess they all do what we let them do! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> As long as they can sit on the fences and "pretend" everything is fine, then they will stay there. I guess we are the B's for making them make a choice and not put up w/ being "second" in their lives. And as far as the OW are concerned, well its them I guess not doing the pushing, they seem to be "Ok" w/ having them when they can, thats thier life and what they are use to I guess. But what goes around , comes around and they think WE don't have trust in them, hello, just wait till the drama is over and they have to go into the living their lives w/ someone they cant trust either. And remember you are not the only one most WS lie two. There is another person being lied to, they just except to "live with it" to have a person that they will regret getting in the long run. Stay tough and get tough ! Sometimes thats the only love that works!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunny,

You are so right, but remember my H doesn't live with us and hasn't since I put him out last Oct.
I gave him keys again in Feruary when I thought we were in recovery only to discover he was still with her and living with her and she wasnow PG.

So really all I have to do is change the locks again. I was trying to not do that, but I think I am going to have to agian oce he is served because he is not going to do it. I told him I was going to change them on yesterday morning during an argument, and he said he would turn everything off in his name over here and stop paying the mortgage. I expected this ,but the only thing in his name that he pays is the cable bill anyway - so who cares. He'll only get away with not paying mortgage for about a month my attny tells me because he'll have to start temporary CS until Dis final.

So I am going to step in that direction. He has to hurt in order to realize what he has lost and he really has not done that yet, because he really does not think he has lost us/me.

Guess again!!

JT

Okay JT--just replying--not thread hijacking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

THings are okay--H came over Sat. afternoon after meeting with OW. She did actually come without OC as requested. H told her he wanted NC because given the situation and how differently they view how a child should be raised he thought it best--she agreed--she still never told him date born--just last week of May--she gave it her last name. He said he wanted to sign rights and responsibilites away and she said fine--he told her that meant no CS--we aren't sure about that though you sign them away in case of adoption but not sure about this situation--he is goign to meet with an attorney. HE did tell her that if he pays CS he will make sure that child in not in an unsafe/unsantitary environment--the house is gross--dirty--he has proof and her mom smokes pot in it and her stepdad who is very sick--smoke pot for his pain relief and takes all kinds of RX narcotics and they are all over the house plus 3 bd. 2 ba-5 adults, 2 children, infant and 1 adult sister is pregnant with twins. She said you can't do that he said he would call Children Services Division and have them out there checking as often as he could and she said they don't care they won't do that.--Okay dumber than a box of rocks--she thinks they only collect CS--he politely explained that he would make sure that the child did not live in those conditions if he was halping pay. He also ex[plained to her that CS would got to state and be part of her welfare--it wouldn't be welfare plus CS on top of it. She agreed to everything--we will when it is in writing--that is the story.

H is watching our son today and we have been gettign along well and had Sf and he gave me a hug before I left for work.

NO HOPES UP THOUGH.

hang in there Albany it may get better. Just keep praying.

Love ya,

JT

I will hang in there. I think it is interesting she didn't give it her last name--H told her she better look to marry well because she was ending up so far just like he said she would when she told him that she would be fine and wasn't getting abortion or doing adoption.

Will be around tonight-if so waht time pst time do you usually get on computer?

I'm in central time zone - so I guess about 8:30pm.

JT

so 8:30 your time--6-30 or so mine I think--maybe i will catch you.