Well, OW failed to disappoint once again.

OW was back to her ol' petty & difficult self this week & I would not have expected anything less. Why should I? She hasn't been reasonable or taken responsibility for her actions as long as I have known her (2.5 years) so why start now?

This was the last straw of the last straw of the last straw & the camel's back has been BROKEN.
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I knew H was serious when he called me from work yesterday & said, How do we tell the kids?. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Then I knew he was DEAD serious when he called me from work this morning & had me transcribe a NC letter he had written to OW to include in OC luggage! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I packed up all I could of OC stuff to send home w/ her. I did not tell her why. I really did not know what to say. I told her that she could take anything she wanted of her things w/ her today to her mom's house. I said any of her favorite toys or clothes, anything. She got into it, was all excited. I told her she could call us anytime she wanted & that we loved her.

Later I heard her tell our 4 yo (who she is closest too & gets a long best w/) "I am taking my stuff because I won't see you for a long time & I will miss you." <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Before that the 4 yo asked me why OC couldn't just stay w/ us. (it was her regular day to go home anyway) & I told him becuase she had to go w/ her mom. He asked why & I said because her mom does not want her here w/ us all the time. Then he asked why so I just said, becuase her mom does not like your dad. Then he asked why she doesn't like him. I said becuase she is hurt & angry. Then he said, "we just need to pray that Jesus will make her not hurt & angry anymore" So I said ok go ahead & he did, right then & there. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Maybe I should not have said that but I am tired of having to withhold information & walking on eggshells about OW & always being the self-controlled one. That is part of the problem; she does whatever she wants while we keep trying to do the 'right & reasonable' thing.

I told our oldest (11.5 yo) that we wouldn't be seeing OC for a while & he responded, "That is gonna be hard on 4 yo". (even HE would repress his true feelings, which we believe would be relief, for the sake of someone else!!!!!!!) I said, "It will be hard for everyone".
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AGAIN, this week OW stated in an email correspondance for ME to stop calling or emailing her, anything pertaining to OC can be addressed to her(OW) from her(OC) Father! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

How many times have we gone through this? We spoke to the therapist & gave our reasons & that is something that is NOT negotiable & will not change. I respectfully stated that to her (again) but she only cut & pasted the same sentence back to me in the email.

I think there were other control issues that OW mad about but I can in all honesty & a fully clear conscience say that I did nothing to provoke this, verbally or otherwise. It is just her control freakiness rearing it's ugly head again.
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The chain has been yanked enough. She wins-this is what she wanted all along & now she can in her warped way say that it was all our decision. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> That she had nothing to do w/ it, she wanted OC to have a father in her life---uh...yah right! about as much as I wanted OW in mine!
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When OW came to get her, OC was all excited & told her that she had alot of stuff to carry. Then OW asked OC why she was taking all her stuff & OC said becuase I want to. OW's face got really serious. Then when they were walking down the walk way she asked OC again & OC said she was bringing it in case she needs it @ her house, she can use it. Then OW asked her if she was sure she didn't want to leave some of her toys here & OC said no it's ok. OW's face got even more serious.

It was quite a bit to carry & it wasn't even all of it.
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I don't have as much of that peaceful feeling like I did last time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I called the therapist about 4-5 times this week & left messages but no calls were returned. So I guess I'm thinking that the therapist will call eventually & try to 'work something out'. But.......why? I mean really why? It just proves what we have always known: OW will never stop!
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Who knows how long this will really last but I'm taking it @ face value.

IT'S OVER

<small>[ August 07, 2004, 10:21 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

KT

I'm so sorry you have to go through with this. You guys tried your best to do what you could for OC. It's not your fault that her mother had to be a *#@&@ and play games. Its so sad.

KTbunch,

I am so sorry. How can OW do this when you had everything worked out with the courts? I just cannot understand how she gets over like that.

Your post is breaking my heart, I really feel for you all, your in my prayers.

kt,
You have gone to many lengths to try to make contact work, in spite of OW and her toxic games. She has continually caused trouble and it has taken its final toll.

I pray that you and your family can move past this painful time and heal.

I believe that the OC is wise beyond her years. I believe that she has known all along that her mother would one day make it impossible for her to continue visiting your family and she knows that that time has come.
I do not believe that she will ever hold any animosity against you or your family. It is obvious that she loves your family and maybe one day she will choose to contact you all on her own. If and when that time comes, I pray that she is strong enough to tell her mother that this is what SHE (OC) wants and will not let her (OW) ruin it for everyone again.

Prayers and healing thoughts for your family and OC.

Stacia

ktbunch,

I know without a doubt that you really and truly Tried.
That's what makes this outcome all the more tragic.

This situation just makes me so sad, <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> as my sister was the OC in our family.
Brings much of those feelings back to the surface.

To hear how your 4yr old and OC have bonded and were talking about this.........is just heart breaking.

As bad as it is to read and relate too.......I know your family's pain is much, much more intense.
You all have my deepest sympathies.

From a child who went through this.....you have my Thanks & Respect for a least giving it a shot.
Maybe it will work out some where down the road (when the OW finally matures).
Blessings to you all.

KT,

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. As one who tried C and it blew up in our face, I do not understand what these women think. (I would put my child first and swallow my pride if I had an OC even if it meant the BS would be a part of my childs life) I hope and pray OC and your 4 year old will be fine.

Unsure

OH KT, I don't know what to say but I am so sorry. I am sure it's hard on all of you. You know you have tried very hard and you have done a wonderful job.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> KT I'm so sorry for the pain your family has went though in order for ya'll to "do the right thing" for this child. Its sad when your children have developed a relationship w/ the OC and the OW is too stupid to see what pain she will cause her child in the long run. Its sad cause being w/ your family was the only chance for this child to be a part of a family. You have tried your hardest and I get the feeling you may even in a small way be blaming your self for it not working? You've done all you can do and I think you and H are tired of being hurt. Like in the case w/ abraham, it caused so much pain that God chose to put an end to it. Let him do his will and you will be blessed. I think you hurt for your 4 yr old, and I would too. But all you can do now is make your life better for your family. When the time comes I'm sure she will be back in your life and it will be w/o all of the drama! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I would just keep everything you already have on the situation and when the time comes you will be able to show her that you wanted to be a part of her life, but wasn't allowed to. I have you and yours in my prayers and that for God to work in your life to heal the hurt you all feel and to be w/ you thought this difficult time.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

KT,

I am so very sorry that it has come to this, sorry for your family & OC. One day OW will be sorry too, it is such a shame that she can't see past her anger. She is doing a disservice to her daughter.

God will bless you even more for the way you handled all this, you did all that you could in this situation, more than most.

Praying for you, your family & OC,
Big hug to you especially sweetie.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{KT}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

KT,

I am so soorrryyy for your pain! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> You all have done so much for OC that it is a shame for her mother to break up a stable environment for her. OC will know and remember in the future the love that she shared with you all and will indeed ask her mother and then what will be her reply? She will not be able to sway OC then. So be patient for vengence is mine said the Lord! She will reap what she has sewn.

You did your best in offering OC the family that should have belonged only to your BC; so don't feel bad - you did what you could. You opened your heart and home to her - tha's more than anyone could possibly ask for. Keep the faith that you all are doing the right thing. I truly feel that it would never end with her. She would continue to be a thorn in your side.

I hope this helps, but I know you know to pray for the best and the Lord will answer.


LOVE YA,

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BIG (((((HUGS)))))) AGAIN!

KT bunch,

Could you please respond. How could OW do this to you??? Did you not have everything settled in court??? This new post of yours makes things seem pretty hopeless when you have manipulative OW.

Unless you have the time, energy & $$$$$$$ to hire an attorney EVERY time OW plays a game------YES things are hopeless w/ a manipulative OW.

We thought things were 'settled' in court too.

We have a court ordered parenting agreement BUT both lawyers did not word it appropriately enough to be taken seriously by a judge or be enforced by a police officer which we found out the hard way when we had to call the police because OW would not let us take OC on our scheduled p/u.
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OW makes unneccesary Dr. appointments for OC on OUR time, which is 'technically' illegal (but would sound reasonable to any outsider..OW:'I'm concerned for my daughters health!' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )& then uses that as an excuse for us to have to rearrange the visitation schedule. OW has done this on numerous occasions. Then we spoke to the dr ourselves who said it was NO problem to reschedule the appointments on days when OW actually has OC.

See how reasonable we are? Instead of fighting over the validity of the appointments--just reschedule it to your own time! What's the big deal???

Then OW says she had 'no idea' they were unnecessary appointments but still refuses to reschedule.

OW enrolled OC in private school w/o H knowledge or consent, then we made a verbal agreement w/ therapist & OW, that it be for Kindergarten only to see IF H approved or not. After kindergarten was over, H made it clear he still did not approve (for VERY good reasons) but OW enrolled OC again w/o H knowledge or consent & insists that she is not gonna change it, OW says she only 'acted' like she agreed to 'avoid conflict'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

So someone who you can't even get a straight answer from......is not someone you are gonna be able to co-parent w/. Someone who says they agree to something & then......either says they 'didn't', 'only acted like it' or was 'pressured into it'....is just short of mentally ill in my book.

That is an unreasonable person. OW keeps trying to insist that communication about OC ONLY be between her & H. That might work w/ x-wives but it doesn't fly w/ an OW! That is our boundary (H & I) that we have established TOGETHER & we are not gonna change it. It is NON-negotiable. H wants nothing to do w/ OW & means it.
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A mini-update: Therapist finally called today. I only spoke w/ her briefly because she had a meeting. She said OW called her VERY upset, physically as well as emotionally. GOOD!!! OW read H letter, to the therapist & OW sent therapist copies of our email correspondance. Again GOOD!! The therapist can then clearly see how poised & reasonable I was (am). Therapist agreed that we are being reasonable & sooooo.......who knows????

I'm glad OW is upset, really. I am not trying to be mean (well, maybe I am!)but she needs to see that we are serious about this & I hope OW feels really, really, really bad.

I hope she is sick to her stomach ALL week, has headaches & can barely function. OW deserves a taste of her own medicine! I hope she loses sleep, wakes up achey & feels like she was run over by a Mac truck! I hope she has nightmares about ME now!!!!!!!! I hope she feels very insecure & guilty. I hope she hugs her daughter & aches inside her soul for all this crap that OC has to go through & hates herself for choosing an unavailable man to be OC father!!!!!! I hope she cringes as OC mentions how much she loves her 'other family' & winces when OC mentions how much she misses her 'other siblings'!!!!!! I hope OW cries herself to sleep, alone, every night. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I hope so too KT. It really is her fault.

I know it breaks you motherly heart to have to do this....but it's for everyone's sanity.

You are doing the exact right thing under the circumstances, I think. Hugs...and more hugs....

- Kimmy

I too wishes many of sleepless night to anyone who would do this to a child! She will see the pain in her D eyes when she ask. She knows she messed up and now maybe she can feel the pain your family has and does feel! Sin DOES NOT go unpunished! And I beleive that w/ all my heart! I hate it that the children have to go though so much pain at the hands of a selfish adult! And God hurts when we hurt, but at least we do have someone to find comfort in! (((((Hugs & Prayers to you and your KT)))))))))))))
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

I'm with you KT--look at you family's pain and suffering--I like to think what goes around comes around.

KT,

I am so sorry for your pain, but I feel that you have done all that you can do. You know that you have given it your all and should be very proud of that. OW made this bed herself and now she should lie in it. Unfortunately OC has to suffer the consequences of her mother's actions, but that will always be the case because of how she came to be. That you can not change and will never be able to.

So please don't take on her pain as well - children are the most resilient people I know, and most DR's will tell this as well.

Their is a purpose for OC bieng here and it very well may be to teach her mother a lesson. You have your own children to consider and they should be your priority right now. The games will never stop, because she thinks you all will deal with her forever. I still feel that C is not in the best interest of the children. I am not saying that you were wrong for trying - this is just my opinion. It causes too much confusion for the kids and could later cause a rift in their emotional beings. It is okay to support and make sure that they never want for anything, but having them intertwined into two family units might be detrimental.

KT - I know that you did your best - so keep your head up!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
OW will always be the bytch that she is!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />


JT

Hi KTbunch,

I am so sorry for the trauma that OW has put you and your family through. You have made an hercule effort to work everything out even with involving OW in counseling. I feel so bad for what you are going through. But you can feel good that you made every effort possible to establish peace between all parties involved.

KT- you and H had to end it somewhere.. it can't go on and on and ON......

I have said many times and will stay again that you have gone SO far and beyond what so many would even think of doing for H and OC... you are such a blessing as a wife, but you cannot be a doormat and be unhappy anymore about this!!!!

I am wondering- what would you do if OW called crying or acting sad or whatever... and if she said she'd cooperate or something? Would you believe her or have you and H decided no more, no matter what?

I'd LOVE to get my nosey little hands on that NC letter- what did he say in it????

xoxoxoxo sweetie- you deserve some PEACE!