I just recently found out that my H of 5 years had a one night stand which resulted in the birth of a child. After this big blow, I did my own investaging and found out about 2 more one night stands. He then confessed to a 4th, plus attending strip clubs while I was out of town. 4 Affairs in 10mths, OC, and lots of lies. He claims all were alcohol induced that me and our marriage have always been perfect. I believe there is more than what he's admitting to.

Since all this, he's been asked to resign from his government job rather than face jail time and dishonorable discharge. So now, we're heading states away to live with my folks, job less, broke, and I feel this is the camel that has broke my back.

My H doesn't seem remorseful. He doesn't want to talk about the "past" at all. Only the present and the future. He says we'll attend counseling, church, and he'll go to sexual addiction classes, etc. but he's made no effort on his part. Instead he makes excuses that his "day was full" and he "didn't have time to call". Here I am talking with counselors, Chaplains, and on the internet looking up advice, support etc. while he walks around as if everything is peachy.

I feel like the last 5 years have been a lie. I don't know what is true and not true anymore. I have been near suicidal, though I know I'd NEVER go through with it - my H has been uncompassionate and tells me I need help learning how to deal with my problems. (HELLO!!! I wouldn't have all these isssues if he hadn't done what he's done.)

He's cut off contact with the other woman, and wants nothing to do w/OC as we can't afford to pay any CS and the birth mother doesn't want anything to do with him. (Luckily she lives states away). But he feels this should be the only thing he has to do. That I should forgive and forget NOW and go on with our marriage.

Either way I look at this picture, I'm miserable w/ or w/o him and either way, I'm heading home to live w my folks at the age of 31!!! Plus, after 3 years of being a homemaker, I'm back hunting for a job to support this family. I figure - I'm ready to leave him as I feel I deserve better than what he has done, and what he's doing now. Only, when I kick him out, hours, or a day later I'm crying, begging him to come home again. I don't know how to let him go no matter how angry I am and what he's done.

I guess I'm searching for the magic "cure all" that will wake me up from the nightmare and give me the strength to carry on either w/ or w/o my H.

K Davis,

I don't know of any magic cure alls or least I have not found any as of yet. I do recommend that you read all that you can on this site. It might help you through this. I know how it is to wait on an answer, or some assistance, but hold on others will read your thread and offer some great advice.

Be encouraged and know that God will only give you what you can handle.

JT

K I'm sorry you are here. I'm sorry that the devil has touched your life in such a way that you don't see the light of day. But I must say that God lead you to us! like JT has saif the best thing for you to do is read! Read here, the bible and pray pray pray. Take care of yourself first and formost! Take care of your babies. This site is not a cure for H or spouses who cheat. Its for you to look inside yourself and find YOU!! And for you to rely on the one who made you. (Sorry I'm alittle preachy tonight) but I will tell you this he got me on the computer, which I am neve on at night and he brought you here too) God is good and this is not his work! You can trust in that! Find yourself and what GOD leads you to do. Sometimes we are w/ the one he wants us to be with and sometimes we didn't listen when he told us NO, not your time yet. I believe you can make your M work if you want to and you can get though anything w/ his guidence! But give it all to him and he will lead you. We are here for you and welcome to the Sisters by the fire (& a few brothers) Oh and GOD is the CURE ALL! To all the pain you feel ! Beleive me if I didn't have him, I would be now where!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Hi Kdavis,

I am so sorry you find yourself here. I know you are hurting really bad inside. I hope your husband can find the help he needs to change. I am sorry that you are doing all the calling. I pray that God gives you the strength to do what you need to do. Put your husband in God's hands because there is nothing you can do to help him. See if you can attend some meetings so you know what you need to do as not to enable him. Again I am so sorry for your pain.
((((((((Kdavis))))))))