Hi all,

I am feeling extremely emotionally distant from my h. I don't feel angry or overwhelmingly sad like usual when allot is thrown at me to absorb. But I feel distant and numb towards him. I have never ever felt this way before about my h, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm doing my best to be reasonably, and go with the flow with our situation, but it is literally TAKEING ALL I HAVE LEFT IN ME, to do this.

I'm here because I love him very much, and would like to think everything he says to me is true, including how he feels about me. But he not only doesn’t acknowledge how hard it is for me to accept and adjust to our situation, and how patent I am being with him, but he actually is getting more and more annoyed with me. I am withdrawing more which I do not want to do, but I just can't stay positive all of the time. I'm holding on to words here, and not much more from him.

Any advice on how I can get over this distant feeling, and out of my shell again? His expectations of me are unreasonable and tooo much for me at the moment. I could adjust and handle this situation very well if certain things were happening but there not.

How can I regain my strength and momentum to even be outgoingly loving which is how I usually feel toward him, with out anything changing in this situation?

How do I handle his criticism without shutting down towards him?

I never felt like this before, my love for him is actually damaged because of this new situation and his reactions to it. HELP, I don't want to feel like this......

thanks

anm2

<small>[ August 10, 2004, 06:14 PM: Message edited by: anewme2 ]</small>

ANY sugestions welcome, I'm at a lose.

Awesome cause you are !!!! Please read my post on changing my opion! I am so sorry you had to find us but beileive me God wants you here! Hunny we are all here to support you and to help you though all of yoor troubles but I must say the only one who is control is God. Open your bible and he will lead you to what you need to read! Trust and pray he will lead you though this time!!! I know it is hard for you to think that God would let anyone go though such a time, but we have to remember he's not the only one we let into our lives. the devil takes over and give us a fear of no hope, no love, no control. But I am here to tell you If you you trust in him and give it ALL to him he will see you though this! I am w/ my H and our OC is due just about anytime and God gives me peace he is the only thing that gives me peace. if you dont have a church, find one. If you dont have a bible email I will get you one. This and this alone will see you though this time!!! You are not here to change your H you are here to find you and change you. You can be the person GOD and he alone wants you to be. And trust me he is the ONLY man that will never let you down! The devil is working to DISTROY your marriage nothing brings him greater joy! But hand on for the ride of your life and weither (sp again) you are w/ your H or not, it will be because GOD wants you on that road NOT THE DEVIL! If you like we have another site and I can get you there. We here have bonded like I would never believe but God brought us here so I welcome and hold you in a sister of God way and say to you ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THOUGHT HIM ! But you have to belive that first! ((((( Hugs to you )))))
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D
Delighted that God has brought you here
Delighted He brought me here
Delighted that he loves me beyond any belief
Delighted that he gave me a computer LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anew - First - MUCHO GRANDE HUGS! For me, this whole thing has ranked up there with loosing my dad...in fact it hurt worse, but I digress.

It is totally normal to become innured to the pain - well, to all the emotions. Your body just turns off in order to keep breathing. Can I ask? Are you taking any anti-ds? They will cause that distant feeling to be magnified tenfold (in my case, that was good).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How do I handle his criticism without shutting down towards him </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why the heck is he criticizing YOU? I'd shut down, too, if I had to deal with that on top of all the other stuff! Have you two filled out the EN questionairre? That might help you both open up a little bit.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">, my love for him is actually damaged because of this new situation and his reactions to it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, YEAH! Duh (don't you want to slap his forehead for him?)! But it doesn't have to stay that way. This is a HUGE divot in your marriage path. It's not unsurmountable, but IT'S WORK! If one or the other of you isn't pulling their share (filling the love banks and ENs), then it's not gonna work. Lemme tell you, HIS work is just as hard as yours. I know, I know...you have to forgive and try to move on and how does ANYONE do that?...but he's got to live with letting you down and breaking a HUGE promise to you....it will get to him. Right on, you say? He needs to hurt so he'll never do this again? Right? He is. I can 99.9% promise it's killing him and he's looking to you to make sure you still love him...trouble is, you're in your own healing process and you need HIM to do the same...and the two aren't jibbing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Any advice on how I can get over this distant feeling, and out of my shell again? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah. Do. Be. Live. TOGETHER! Go out and do stuff...go to the park, walk the dogs, GO TO CHURCH - all the REAL answers are there...ANYTHING but sit at home. Hold hands. If you start the downward spiral of thinking too much, go out and garden...you see him turning inward, go to the movies. Be together. Fill out ENs and exchange them. Fill out POJA and abide by the boundries set up by each other. This is a together kind of work....

Hugs again,
Kimmy

Hi,

I tried to pour love on my husband when he wasn't loveing me. Now I am distancing myself to protect myself. It is perfectly understandable. When your husband can make things more comfortable by making an agreement with you takeing into account your needs to feel safe then you can love him. Until then like Niosgirl said do things together that will fill your lovebanks. Maybe then you can get him to make an agreement with you. I am not sure what your full story is. I am only responding based on what I read in this thread.