Thanks everyone for your support - I need it! I am only half way there going to court will be the hardest - so don't desert me - okay. Plus he'll probably call me evryday just to give me some grief.

I am going to be leaning on you guys alot - so Thanks in advance!!

Love YA

JT

JT,

Having gone thru a D from H #1 w/ a small child I know what you are facing, can you possibly have someone to do p/u & d/o for the kids w/ H? Just to make it easier on you. As far as calls go unless it has to do w/ the kids there is no reason for that, why listen to him try & give you grief, this is his fault you made this decision not yours.

My only saving grace in my D was that I no longer loved H, that makes things a lot easier but I still had to deal w/ him cuz of my son who was only 16 months at the time & it was not easy, he still tried to hang on to nothing & control me, it was a blessing that my son was so young, he doesn't remember any of it.

You stay right here & post w/ your family. We are sisters & we are here for you sweetie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks BBYG,

I am glad to hear from you. I haven't talked to you in a while and was wondering how you were. Please keep in touch - we miss you when your gone.

I know that this is going to be hard - and he is not going to let it go easily - so I must prepare myself for the worst. I do not have anyone to do drop offs and pick ups because I really don't want enyone to know about it until it is said and done.

So that I think I can endure for a short time, plus I need to prove to myself that I can do this with a smile. I owe it to my kids to keep things as normal as possible because they are young.

But I ma not going to bend over backwards and daily visits will cease. WE don't need to see each other everyday.

JT

Hi JT2,

I have been through two divorces. The first I did not fair so well because I didn't have money for a lawyer and husband got everything. I did not care about material stuff, just that my child was taken from me. The second marriage I did keep custody of my children. Judge gave him every other weekend and every other major holiday. He wanted them every weekend. I said OK. He does not really want them every weekend. He will call me some weekends and tell me not to bring them because he is working.

Well my H just called me at work. He wanted to tell me that he was going to pick up the kids from daycare today, so I said okay that will save me a trip. He was so pleasant it was funny. He did not even mention about the D. I know that he is just goint to use this as a way to get me to drop it - but FAT CHANCE!!

I am on a mission - he can not manipulate me any longer - the family that he knew is no longer there for him. He even asked me what I was going to cook for dinner? Can you imagine that? Nothing for you anyway, but I did not say anything - I was as sweet as apple pie!!

He's not going to take advantage of this situation I will be pleasant for my kids sake but the D will go on. I am strong ladies and taking control of my life!! It feels really good - I am not even afraid of the bills anymore - GOD will provide for us and so will he CS for two kids + alimony.


Boy is he in for a rude awakening. If he does turn to the OW there will be nothing left for her!


So SORRY!

JT

JT,

You go girl. Both barrels wide open. Thats what he gets for playing around. When you play you pay. That is what I always heard and it is so true. When you get through with him he will wish he didn't mess with you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good for you! He is probably thinking that he can stop this whenever he wants!

I pray that you keep that strength up and can find peace and happiness! I have a feeling you will.

You are taking care of you, you have fought the good fight and put your needs out on the table. He can't meet them. So you are doing the right thing. Remember that.

Hope you have a great evening--stay strong.

JT - I just wanted to let you know I am so very proud of you. I am proud of the person you are becoming. I am proud of all of us. This journey we are all on has transformed us into some wonderful and strong women. I have thanked God for this change in me.

I also want to say that I hope that this is not the end for you and your H. I think that it is necessary at this point. I think it is what your H needs to finally wake him up. My hope is that even if you do go through with this D - that in the end your M will prevail.

Right now you need to focus on you and your healing. You need to live for you. You are responsible for you and your H is responsible for himself. Sometimes a person has to hit bottom before he can begin to heal. Your H is not there yet. So, yes, move on and heal. But don't totally close that door. Maybe I am just the eternal optimist who wants to see all our M's survive this - I will always hope for that.

Love you and take care of you and those kids. You never know what tomorrow might bring - but I am sure it will be full of happiness for you.

Kris,

I am glad you are back. I agree with you I think htat my H has to hit rock bottom and see just what he has lost for him to get himself together. I want our M to work however I know that I must continue with this D not just for Him but for me. I need to know that I am going to be okay with or without him. I am feeling so strong now that I have taken control of my life again. I no longer feel like the victim.

Yesterday he picked up the kids from daycare and brought them home. He was acting like the happy family. He acted like I had not told him that the M was over. He later came upstairs after going to the store for the baby some diapers and laid on the bed as if everything was okay. He wanted SF - of course I told him to leave me alone because this M was over. I was still calm and sweet. He sat up saying "you know you don't want your M to end". I then replied "I really do love you so much that it hurts to think about, but you threw your M away I didn't, but I won't stay in this hell any longer. Besides you don't love me you couldn't - you've already started over and just threw me and the kids aside. So now we are licking our wounds and moving on!"

He was surprised and got up to leave - He then reminded me of when I left him the first yr of our M - I told him yes I made some mistakes and ran home when it got rough, but I was only gone so long because my mother was dying from caner - I did not go to another man. He just sat on the stairs for about 15 minutes then he left.

He called back and said that he really wants his family, I said goodnight and hung up the phone..

He does think that I am not going to go through with this D. But I have decided that I am going to try and keep the peace as long as I can for the kids sake - because I don't want this to turn into a blood battle which is what he is expecting me to do. I want them to have their last days - months with their father to be happy ones. Is that right? I don't want to lock him out of the house until it is very necessary.

You know he still does not give any info about OW/OC. He does not even say if sh's had the baby. He acts like it is none of my business - and that's how I know that I am doing the right thing for me and my kids. If you really wanted us then he would have gone to the end of the earth to keep us!! I know I would have if it were me!

But it's not is it!

JT

Hi JT,

The nerve of him expecting you to just have SF with him when he is still with OW. Why would you want his seconds. I am so glad you were strong against him. Wasn't it hard? Way to go!! He is just trying to break you down. He wanted to stay on the fence so he could enjoy two worlds. You knocked him off and he is trying to trick you into letting him back on.

JT you are doing the best thing give the situation. Your H has a lot to do if he wants to prove his love for you and the family and one of those things is to openly talk about OW/OC.

I think you are doing the right thing and personally IMO I think he will come around--but you are right--he is one of those that has to hit rock bottom first--not all do but he does I believe. Good job.

Hey JT! Way to go! You got that boy thinking now! He's trying everything he can (except the obvious thing - letting OW go) to still have his cake.

Has he been served yet??? That's gonna slap him upside his head! We need details!

Sending you some strength to keep in reserves. Sounds like you've got it in spades right now, tho!

You are doing the EXACT right thing!

- Kimmy

I have no idea when he'll be served. he is going to hit the roof when that happens though. Because after reading what is in it he'll know that I am serious.

But I do know that I will have to go through with this. he still does not make anything right about OW/OC. If I don't mention her he never does.

So that he;ll have to live with alone. He called me at work just a minute ago telling me how much fun he and the kids had on yesterday evening. He asked how they were this morning when they got to school/daycare. I told him. He asked what I was going to cook for dinner and I said I don't know. He then asked what I was doing - just making small talk. I then said that I had to go and he said are you going to call me later - I said why? He repeated himself - I then said you go from not calling me at all to calling and wanting me to call you.

I repeated myself by saying I 've got to go back to work.

I mean who does he really think is falling for this sweet [censored]!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He thinks I am stupid or what? I am not falling for this AGAIN!!

JT

Hi JT2,

You are doing great. Your husband is trying the sweetness to manipulate you but unwilling to leave OW alone. You are doing so good. Last time I tried leaveing my husband. Told him he was to pack his bags and get out. He did pack his bags but didn't get out. Anyhow, he called me on the phone and asked me what I was doing. I told him that since we were separating that nothing was his business anymore. I think that really hurt him that he no longer had control and part of why he did not leave. Tell your husband nothing. It will kill him.

This will make you crazy! They go and come and hurt and make up. WTH! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> WAKE UP BUD! They never want to talk unlil all of their actions they have to pay for. JT remain strong, feel good, cause you are looking good! And you are sounding Great! That care of yourdelf and those beautiful kids that he doesn't see how HE and HE alone has hurt them and you are kissing and loving the boo-boo's away! Maybe he will wake up, but it takes more time than a day to do so. Trust me. Let him beg and grovel at your feet. Lord knows they have kicked enough dirt on them. Good to see you doing so well and I know you have the peace to make this good for you and your kids.
(((((((((((Hugs SBF))))))))))))
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Hi JT,

How are you feeling. I am not going to forget you because you are going through a hard part now with your husband reaching out his hand. He wants so bad to sit on that fence a little longer. Just wanted to make sure you keep your spirits up. We got to see you through this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Yep good morning JT ! Where are you ? Its Friday! Need an update.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> sunny d

JT what's up? Hang tough! I'm thinking and praying for you.

well I am a little weak today. H came last night as usual. He ate dinner and played with the kids and watched a movie. He then came into the bedroom for SF. I told him that we couldn't anymore because the M was over, plus my attny advised me not to engage in it. He got upset. He told me that I really didn't want a Divorce and that he didn't either. I told him that he must have wanted one because he continued to lie to me and the kids.

I just feel so bad because I love him, but I know that I have to do this for my family. I can not let him walk all over us over and over again.

Please girls give me som encouragement taoday I really need it. Am I for cwertain doing the right thing? I just need some reassurance again. I know it sounds crazy, but I new it would be hard. I have to this - PLEASE HELP ME!!


JT