FINALLY I'm coming out of my fog! Just last week I was saying how tired I am of getting hit out of the blue with more info. on my xWS(age 49) and his OW(age 24)and their 2 year old OC(has Down Syndrome). We've been divorced for 2 years and crap still keeps coming in about him, OW, etc. I have felt like an inadequate,undesireable,unattractive woman for the past 3 years. I know I shouldn't have, but the reality is that I did. I even went so far as to think that "of course" he'd prefer the OW...what middle-age man wouldn't...She has a nice firm body, no wrinkles, long blonde hair (which xWS loves!),and she thought that his sh-- didn't stink. First of all, if that were true, he should have divorced me first. Secondly, a male friend told me the other night, "You could have been as ugly as the Hunchback of Notre Dame and you still didn't deserve to be treated the way your were by xWS. Don't let him get off with thinking that this had anything to do with you and your adequacy and desireability as a woman and wife."

Hmmmmmmmmm. That got me to thinking. I started to review the traits that others have talked about,including my xWS, and what I have observed, about the OW. 1. Dresses and acts like a hootchie mama...2.Probably already cheating on my xWS... 3. Got pregnant deliberately to keep xWS... 4. When he was severely injured in a motorcycle accident, she was right up at the hospital as the doting honey every day. But as soon as he was discharged home(one month later),she could care less about the fact that he couldn't even prepare food for himself...she wasn't going to do it!...5. She's lazy..can't/won't hold a job...6. She's not too bright...7.My xWS's children(ages 21, 17) can't stand her...8. Has been caught in lies multiple times...9. Uses their child with Down Syndrome to get attention and support...10. Wears cheap gaudy jewellry...11. Doesn't always adequately care for the OC...."Oh I was too busy to feed the baby the food he's supposed to get. I had other things to do."...12. Has always expected other people to take care of her, house her, help feed her, even before meeting xWS...13. Is a filthy housekeeper...14. Is extremely self-centered...it's all about her.

All of a sudden it hit me that my xWS sold himself out dirt cheap for the OW! He lowered himself, his values, his standards,for a manipulative, white trash skan-...a piece of young a**. His family can't stand the OW, and his son told him that while he loves him, he has absolutely no respect for him anymore. He could have had me..an attractive, well educated, compassionate, hard working, self supporting,sensual,stylish,considerate woman...who is a good mother to my sons and a good stp-mother to his 2 kids (xStp.daughter still stays in contact with me..calls me "mom".)His family loved me. Yes, I'm overweight, but I always have been...he always said he thought I was very attractive. He has on numerous occasions told me how unhappy he is with the OW, now that he sees what she's truly like. So let him have his young OW, and start over raising a special needs child at age 49! My sons are out of the "nest" as of this year.

Watch out World...Here I come! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 11, 2004, 07:45 PM: Message edited by: heartfailure ]</small>

You know the old saying "You never miss your water til the well runs dry"

You will most likely never know how many nites your H lays awake, maybe even cries over what a treasure he lost in you.

Hold your head up & move on God has a special blessing just for you! Believe that!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well good for you! You sound fab! 49 is still young and with the kids grown and gone think of what you can do? Travel? I know many wonderful single men, in your age group, who would love to find a quality, educated, compassionate woman such as yourself. They are out there!

Your poor XWS. He is stuck with a loser and I would agree, he has laid awake at night missing the clean crisp sheets in a warm cozy home, after a good home cooked meal. Kids tucked in, ready for school! Sounds almost mundane, actually it is mundane. But it is also peacefull and serene. Life at it's best!!

Imagine being his age with a little one, and slob for a wife, and a filthy pig to boot. Yeah, he lost and he knows it. He knows it very well.

However, you put his misery aside. You wash it out of your mind. You start planning your new chapter of your life. Plan something grand for yourself!! A trip? Learn a new hobby! Get involved with your community. I teach Yoga to a group of working women twice a week. We have a free daycare set up so if they have to bring the kiddies they can. We work out for an hour then we have a gab fest and try new Smooties! There are three of us who lead this (all free) and we have a ball. It is just a little way to keep connected to other women.

You know, after I went through the affair, the aftermath, and then was past the early years of toddlerdom, I found myself reaching out to other women. I think my status as a BW has given me tons of empathy for women and thier issues. I enjoy my friends immensely and am so deeply gratefull for all they have done for me over the years and this affair/oc issue. I can vent to them if I want and no matter what, they understand. Some have had similar or identical stories and we have bonded. We don't just sit and yack about the affairs/oc/ow at all. Rarely actually. However, that deep bond of friendship that is created by walking through fire with each other is unbreakable. Find those friends that were truly there for you and plan some grand adventure!

You are a wonderful woman with gifts and talents! Get out there and live it up. Leave all thoughts and hurt and pain in the past and go live-laugh-love!!!!!!

Know what I'd do after your children come of age?

I'd go buy some new stylish outfits, get a manicure, makeover, new hairstyle, etc and then go on a cruise.

Who knows, maybe you'll meet a handsome, distinguished, SINGLE gentleman who will see you for who you really are!!!

I hear you girl,

I wish you the best. Why our husband's went out for a young peice of [censored] when they had us, I will never understand. What OW wanted with my husband I will never understand. When I talked to her she complained to me that he didn't have a job. She said she would make him get a job. So why didn't she pick a man with a job instead of nagging a jobless man who was attending college to get a job just so he can support her. She like your OW got pregnant on purpose just so she cold keep him. Obviously it was only about sex with her. Problem after newness wears off, husband is not into haveing sex that often. So now she is a lot worse off than me. And your husband regrets he made this decision to leave you for a young peice of [censored] I am sure. She is probably cheating on him. He probably don't get her much anymore and he is stuck with a nasty house, responsibilty of a disabled child, and nobody to care for him. But you, you are free of his mess if you choose and you can move on to better things. Some men even like older women so you might even find a man younger than you. Don't limit yourself. Some men also like the healthier woman. More to love. Love yourself girl and do what is best for you in your heart.