****edited****By JustUss*********


There are times when I think that Steve would serve the public better by shutting this damn board down---I do wonder if it does more damage than good these days. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by K:
<strong> ****edited******
There are times when I think that Steve would serve the public better by shutting this damn board down---I do wonder if it does more damage than good these days. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do not think I said anything smack-worthy, but K, your opinion is always welcome!

I do have a legitimate question ... How could I learn anything about MY marriage from an outsider OW? And why would OW opinion of MY marriage be helpful to me if OW does not follow MB guidelines?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 04:35 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

K, that is so far from the truth. I think people should heal there marriage. I have learned more (and not just how to make sure my daughter gets screwed) from most of these bw. I also have some great commpassion for most of them. When I first started lurking I was in a real hurt bad stage as per my screen name and coming here and Face REality listening to these bw's really helped me. I have formed a few relationshiip so to speak with several on both boards. I will agree that I do spew out to Lynn. I will be the first to admit that. I think it's because in general I find it hard to believe that some of her tatics are as they are. But on the same token I would have a hard time with a ow going out to screw over the bs and xmm. I have gone off on ow before on my board for there reasons. Ask some of the people who come here and go there. I think it is vile on General and ow/om board. I DON'T EVEN GO OVER THERE. The majority of the ow I know do know that what happened was wrong, and I don't think any of them (and me included) would ever get ourselves into that type of relationship again. This board too is for the oc involved and I have had great threads with people who are in general my situation just on the other side of the fence. As well, Lynn does not apply to her ow, she does it to all of us. It just erks me that she would do that. She does not read everything and twists it. So YES I overstepped my boundries, and I will admit to that. I totally will admit to that. I try very hard to just stay away from most of what she posts. I was having a very bad day yesterday and I saw what she wrote and went with it. I hope I answered your question. Again to everyone I insulted I am sorry.

What the heck is going on?

Entwife is loosing her mind or whaaat?

Hey what is the BIG deal to debating issues? This site is NOT bad.. its pretty darn nice nice if you ask me???? Not bad at all.

Do some of you realize that through open debates are a great way to actually dig deeper into the issue.. into yourself actually?.. That is, all opinions short of complete flaming..

I welcome everyone's opinion and think I can pick a little piece of it out and agree...

Just my little .02

Needtomoveon...

Hope you have a much better day today!
Do your best with what you've got.
Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by findingmywayback:
<strong> Blah Blah Blah

Lynn is entitled to her opinion on this board. This site is for marriage building, she did what was necessary to rebuild her M. I love the way she stands up for herself. Not all W's lay down and take crap from another woman who is attempting to derail her life.

So sorry if all did not go according to your big plan, which is obviously what has you so sore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So far from the truth. I handled what was dealt to me...which I played a hand in (not in doing purposly but it happened) and am taking what comes from it. That is what life is all about. Thanks for being sorry though. But not needed.

Apparently you can't use "f-s" at MB (hahahahaha---I know why I got edited, JustUss).

Pepper, how could you learn about marriage from an OW? Well, if she was married, you might learn quite a bit. And in the case of Happy2004---she's not an OW (that I can tell).

Needtomoveon: I'm sorry (and after seeing the direction this thread went---VERY, VERY SORRY) that I brought this up with you. It wasn't meant as an insult to you---and if conversing with some BW's helped you get through your situation, then this board has done you some good.

K,

I read the comment before it was edited and I respectfully disagree.

I sure don't have to tell YOU the purpose and goals of this site. I do and I will defend that.

Pepper, how could you learn about marriage from an OW? Well, if she was married, you might learn quite a bit.

Like what?

*I said learn about MY marriage... specifically.

And in the case of Happy2004---she's not an OW (that I can tell).

I know... Happy said she learned about what went wrong in her marriage via talking to OWs.

I cannot fathom what she is talking about. Can you?

Pep

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

PS I am happy to see Happy! And I am happy Happy's marriage is alive and well! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

NerlyCrzy:

I know darn well that you know, understand, love, and defend the MB principles. And you've been here for nerly (hahaha) as long as I have.

What I don't like is the disrespect and sarcasm that this particular board gets. Betrayed or not. I've been thinking about packing up my MB license and going over to SYMC to practice---mainly because it's much more moderated (fish-smack) and these types of flame-fests (even minor) aren't tolerated. But I have so many friends here (you included), that I have a hard time leaving...

I think I'll go back to my usual strategy of keeping my mouth shut when not spouting the bible according to Harley... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Pepper:

I'm happy to see Happy post here---if nothing else comes out of my stupidity, I'd love to see her come back and share what made her marriage successful---whether she used counseling, what was her timeframe for success, how she's managing contact, what she and her husband are doing to put each other first.

I do hope she'll stick around.

K, no problem, and you were right my problem is with lynn. NOT anyone else and I SHOULD have ignored her as I learned to do in the past. It was my bad to go off on her. I knew I would get deleted (did not know just edited)....Pep I don't care that you turned me in. It is afterall your board. I never thought anyone turned me in just random lurking, but it's okay. When I wrote this orignially to Lynn, I had no idea that the board war would start. I just knew I did not want to threadjack the other thread that it started on. I also was married and wish I could of made my marriage work, but hey it takes two........and NO I never cheated on my husband. I am so sorry that this got out of hand.........and Pep today is much better....thank you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Originally posted by K:

I think I'll go back to my usual strategy of keeping my mouth shut when not spouting the bible according to Harley... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So sprout (ha-ha I think you meant to say spout ... but sprout is so much funnier) some Harley my way ... what is Harley's opinion of gleaning OWs opinions to improve one's marriage?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Originally posted by needtomoveon:
Pep I don't care that you turned me in. It is afterall your board.

No it's not! I don't own it!

Don't sweat it... I've been deleted loads of times. It happends.

Besides, I did not "turn you in" ... I reported a few phrases you typed... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I also was married and wish I could of made my marriage work, but hey it takes two........and NO I never cheated on my husband. I am so sorry that this got out of hand.........and Pep today is much better....thank you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Good. I am glad today is better for you.

Stress is harmful. Take it easy.

This explains why you might be here on MB ... You're doing marriage research ... so the next time you say "I do" you come equiped with a "how-to" manual.

Yes? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 05:05 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Pepperband and Nerlycrzy,

I know both of you have been around for a long time and you have helped many BS's on this site.

I am sorry if you misunderstood my intentions or I misunderstood yours. Apologies come very easy for me because I don't have any hidden agenda here.

Can we start over? K asked some very good questions on a separate thread which I intend to answer. Maybe then what I am trying to say will be clear.

Truce? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

First: I just love when these debates get started. I love to see a little excitement around here instead of the same ol' pain & frustration.

2nd, 'people' around here don't always tell BW & MM to go for NC & that it is the best way. The usual post normally goes something like this:
read about POJA get aquainted w/it. H can't force you & you can't force H. blah blah blah. I am personally for/against C/NC & here is why blah blah blah...good luck. No one is made to feel guilty for either decision but are warned to be cautious, what they can expect, encouraged to really think about, explore & be honest about their own feelings, wants & needs so that there are no surprises for spouse along the way. Oh & we always advise them to get an attorney no matter what they want.

It's not that hard to read what you want & ignore the rest. For some, an experienced poster might be the shot in the arm they needed to get proactive & prepare themselves or give assurance that what they want, think, & feel is OK. That's it.

3rd, many BS are painfully aware of our role in contributing to the waywardness of our spouses. EVERY BS KNOWS it --- we're NOT idiots. BUT that is also NO excuse, I don't care if you are married to the worst spouse in the world......there is no excuse to cheat, even more when D are so easy! Usually though the BS is completely thrown back in shock because we were trying to make our marraiges work & the WS was the one that gave up----so that is where THEY messed up. It's pretty hard to meet a need that you don't even know is there because your WS refuses to even put the slightest effort to tell you.

NO BS needs to be reminded of his/her shortcomings when they are new here. But if you have been a lurker for awhile you would also know that we have some pretty open dialog & some pretty honest BS that are really struggling to improve themselves so that they can be the S that WS has always dreamed of as well as WS wanting to be everything BS has always wanted.

Yes sometimes we can get stuck in a rut & that is where we call upon our sisters & brothers to give us the gentle nudge that we need to get back on track. Every one has their own way & you can't force your way on anyone else.

Every one moves @ their own pace as well. I can get frustrated w/ my girls for allowing themselves to be stuck in one place OR I can try to help encorage them to 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming' & that is what we do around here.

But you can't just come barging in somewhere & expect everyone to be happy if they don't even know you.

These friendships are built & it all takes time.

As far as OW being here, I don't care if they are OW by association (fuzzy details), trolls, or truly sorry. They are welcome to me becuase I enjoy a good fray every now & then. And I certainly love to debate BUT if I saw one attacking a BS fresh in pain-------you better beleive I would have that BS back in a minute! I am not as sensitive as some but that does not make me any better---only makes me ME.

And the same goes for BS that one might find abrasive. You need some spice in your life or else........it's all bland. Just because you don't agree w/ someone does not mean that they are wrong though. THAT much I have learned so far along my path.
****************
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Personally I like the flavor on this board.

This is just my 2 cents because I, personally, need some sort of distraction from my real life right now.

Thanks.

I got booted and edited......wow....did i make someone mad? Just in case anyone missed it..here goes again..
****edited AGAIN!! Not a good idea to REPOST a comment after it's already been edited******JustUss*****

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 06:10 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Pep:

I didn't type "sprout". Get those eyes checked!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">what is Harley's opinion of gleaning OWs opinions to improve one's marriage?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You'd have to ask him. If they're MB-totin', sprouting OW's, he's probably great with it. And I'm sure you're aware of his recognition and empathy for the OP as well: it's in stuff both in his books and on this site. He doesn't demonize anyone. He also obviously never condones affairs...

Originally posted by HappyAgain2004:

Can we start over?

Hell yes.

K asked some very good questions on a separate thread which I intend to answer. Maybe then what I am trying to say will be clear.

Truce?

Bruce?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

KT

If your post was directed at me, you have me all wrong. I am sorry if you considered me "barging" in -- I thought everyone who posts had to start somewhere.

I had originally posted out of concern for your situation. I had experienced something similar and thought that my own experiences would help give you some perspective. I am terribly sorry to have bothered you and won't make that mistake again.

If you felt offended by anything I wrote, just as I said to Pepperband and Nerlycrzy, then you misunderstood.

I do wish you well and hope that things work out for you.