My counsin who is gettting married is driving me crazy. I am one of the Matrons of Honor in the wedding and my D is the flower girl. I live in a different State than she does. She has been asking a lot of the girls for this shower. She wanted 80 people there. I got her to cut it down to 48 and then right before the invites went out it was up to 60. She has insisted that her fiance' be at the shower because in her words "she wants him to eat." GRRRR <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So, this is what has developed recently.
She told the other Matron of Honor that 5 of her Fiance's family members can't make the shower and asked if we could invite his cousin and her 3 sisters! Can you believe it? That is so rude but I am tired of arguing so I said whatever. I told her that I was concerend that the invitest to these people were going out over a week after the other ones and they may feel like second thoughts. She said if they say anything she will tell them that she did not see the guest list and when she did, she asked us to invite them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Second, she does not want to invite mh H because of all the stuff he has done. I told her that as long as we are still together she has too. She said no she does not. Then she said this...He can stay with our son. I guess she has the right to feel that way but as long as we are together, I think it's rude not to. I said well our son will be there and she said no he is under the age limit of 12. Excuse me??!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I am in the wedding, his sister is in the wedding and I live in another State but my son is not invited? This is not the first time she has insinuated that he was not invited. She said something like "where will he be?" And I said in the pwe with H.

Now, let me say I am all for adult only receptions but this wedding is not a country club affair. There will be nothing fancy about this affair at all, it will be as close to white traxh as you can get.

She even commented that she is getting my D stuff from Bath and Body works as her gift for being in the wedding. Now, this is where I get a little petty I guess. I don't care what she spends on the gift but it should be a keepsake, not something that is used up and thrown away. Heck, I have a drawer full of that stuff for my D. She could get her a $5 ornament from Things Remembered.

She just has no class or manners. So, I guess I am asking what I do? My other cousin said I need to say something. Give her a choice that either Dominic is invited or I don't come. She said to say it nicer of course. What do you all think?

That's a TOUGH one!!
First off....why did you say YES to be the MH??? Doesn't sound like a very good relationship... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I've been on both sides of the kids/wedding issue also!!! So........I see both points of view.

I am probably going to make you angry but I think the responsible party for the whole thing is you yourself.....why on earth didn't you ask these questions BEFORE you said yes to be in this wedding??? Especially since you live out of state, and ODVIOUSLY this lady didn't "change" overnight! You must have known her pretty well to in her w as the MH!?????

And to call it "trailer trash" I don't think you should go, let alone stand up before God in this M.

MHO but you asked!

Blessings,
Atruheart

She is my cousin and we have always been close in a different kind of way. We have grown closer over the last few years. She does not have any brother or sisters and neither do I. We both really have only each other.

I said yes because I felt it was the right thing to do. I never in a million years thought that she would not include my son or my H. It's really not a question you think to ask the bride when they ask you to be in their wedding. Maybe if it was a friend I would have thought it might be a possibility that my son would not be included but I never imagined that family would not be included. I guess saying it's close to white trash is a little harsh and mean of me.

LuvMyFamily:

I got married a few months ago, so I definitely know all the emotional landmines involved. I'll just put in my two cents:

*If you and your husband are together, he should be invited. Definitely. But your cousin thinks she is being strong where you cannot. I know she's wrong, but at least her heart is in the right place. But I don't know how to change her mind. This is her decision, right or wrong.

*It's a shame SHE didn't tell YOU from the start that she didn't intend to invite either your son or your husband to the wedding. The fact that she has insinuated that your son was not invited on other occasions just shows that she was trying to communicate it to you but was afraid to come out and say it. It's not a matter of whether it's "that kind of wedding" or not. It's reasonable for her to decide whether or not she wants children at her wedding. But she should have told you upfront before you committed to be a MOH.

*I would prefer something from Bath and Nodyworks over something from Things Remembered. I think personalized things from there are kind of schmaltzy and not to my taste at all. But that's me. My point is, everyone has different taste. While you think a personalized gift is the best option for wedding participants, some people really don't like them. I'd cut her slack for this one.

Finally, I really wish you hadn't chosen to modify the word "trash" with "white." When you use that modifier, you're implying that if you had just used "trash," you would mean black. Believe me, "white trash" came about as an insult to use against someone you felt was acting black, which was equivalent to low class. I know you weren't trying to imply that sort of racial meaning, but the expression carries that meaning nonetheless. What's the harm in saying "There will be nothing fancy about this affair at all, it will be as low class as you can get."

Sorry about your Bridezilla cousin. I don't really have any advice on how to change her rules, though. Good luck.

P.S. And yes, she's being unreasonable about the number of people invited to the shower. Too bad you didn't host a surprise shower so you could plan the guest list without her input!

C,
Yes, I know it's her choice to do what she wants, it's her wedding. She does like to make things difficult for others, which is what she is doing to me, right now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would prefer something from Bath and Nodyworks over something from Things Remembered </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did not mean for me but for my daughter. Again, like you said everyone has their own taste. I need to mind my p's and q's.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Finally, I really wish you hadn't chosen to modify the word "trash" with "white." When you use that modifier, you're implying that if you had just used "trash," you would mean black. Believe me, "white trash" came about as an insult to use against someone you felt was acting black, which was equivalent to low class. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have no idea how you came to that conclusion and I am sorry if I insulted you. If I used the word trash I would NOT have been implying I meant black. I don't understand that. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "There will be nothing fancy about this affair at all, it will be as low class as you can get." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I could have said that but in error I did not and I did not mean anything negative toward anyone here or any place elese. I was just making a comment about this wedding because I was upset. Again, sorry if I insulted you.

* One does not invite one half of a couple, and not the other. Especially if we're talking about a member of the bridal party! I would resign from being a MOH if my husband was not invited.

* A lot of weddings exclude small children, and that is understandable. But if your daughter will be at the reception, how does the bride expect you to tell your son he cannot go? Fair is fair. If daughter goes, son should go too.

jmho.

I totally agree with Gardenbunny, that exactly what I too thought after reading your post.

Luv,

I've thought about this before replying. We had a situation a few years back when both myself, my H, and our middle D were in a wedding for our friends. Our S was excluded from the wedding but NOT the reception. Is there a way that maybe you could compromise with your cousin to have your H and S at the reception but not the wedding? I also understand that part of her reasoning is what your H has done, but that's in the past, and you are working on your M, and that should be respected!

I would say that if the only honest reason that she has, if she continues to refuse your H and S is because of what your H has done, you can very nicely say that you and your H are a couple, and if she can't respect your H, because you are supporting him, then you need to step down as MoH. If she doesn't like it, well, then she needs to re-evaluate her reasonings for "dis-approving" your decision to remain M'd to your H, especially with her own vows being readied to repeat infront of family, friends and God.

And, as for the gift for your D, have you asked her what she would rather have? She may prefer to have the gift from Bath and Body Works.

Just some things to think about, kwim?

Tigger