My H and I want the birth mother to agree to a parternity test. We are in seperate states and found a company through the internet that will mail the test kit to us, and to her to test the baby.

We do not have any contact with the birth mother directly. We communicate (if needed) through a mutual friend via email.

My question is this... what is the best way to persuade the birth mother to agree to do this? I know she doesn't want to do it - but we WANT this and NEED this... please help.

Has the baby been born?

Is she requesting CS?

You could call HER state Attorney Generals Office and get the names of people who can help with this. Get things in writing.

If she is not putting him on the BC it is probably cause he is not the father. If you have any emails, or whatever that can proove that she is claiming his as father, then changing her tune, you can FORCE the DNA test.

Call for legal advice in the state that holds jurisdiction.

Ok. Is see oc is 1.5 months old. Why do you think it is his? Is she calling and harrassing you two? Please tell me you have not sent this woman a dime? Is she on public assistance?

The OW is a close family friend and has been for years! She has a house and a great job - don't think she's getting any state help financially. My Hubby's family and her family help her if and when ever needed.

My H saw the baby after she was born. He did not put his name on the BC. Birth mother claims the child is his after a one night stand. We just want the DNA to say Yes or No, since it COULD BE a possiblity either way. He did sleep with her, once, however, we don't know whom else she could have slept with.

Birth mother has made it clear she will not file for child support or anything else. To file anything legally, a paternity test is required. This makes us think the baby could NOT be his. She wants to avoid this.

If she doesn't want CS - fine, we can't afford it anyways, but we want to know if this girl is his. OW has made has blackmailed and threatened H if he takes any legal action that she will hurt him anyway she can.

We want things to stay as they are, NC with her or OC, however, we want to know if OC is biolocially his - but don't know how to get OW to agree to test w/o taking legal action.

MOst likely if you push it and by some chance your hubby is the father than the ow will come agetr him for child support. Youcan open a case in her state for visitation and they will force a test but without getting the courts involved there is no way to force a dna test.

K Davis,

This is a tricky one. I'd go with a couple different scenarios.

1. Assume that she's going to screw you over at a later date. Get a lawyer to estimate what your CS payments would be, and put that money into an account. If she comes after you---you'll have it. If she doesn't, you'll have a nice college fund/retirement account/trip fund.

2. If she's a friend of your family, and you have access to the baby---get a DNA test kit (swab), and get a sample from the child. It may be possible to do DNA on a hair sample as well (I don't know if commercial labs do this). You might get a trusted family member to do this if they have better access. It's sneaky, but it avoids the court. I hate to say it, but this would probably be a route that I'd really explore.

3. If you go the court route and get a DNA test done---what does that buy you? Piece of mind, if it's negative. Not much, if it's positive.

Edited:

This company advertises the exact service that you seem to need. I have no idea how reliable they are. I found it on the internet---so it must be true...

<small>[ August 16, 2004, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: K ]</small>

You and your husband need to tell his family to immediately stop giving a dang thing to this woman. To me it is screaming "NOT HIS" but he is a better name to drop then "I don't know who the daddy is".

So, I would demand the DNA test. She WILL come after you, mark my words. She is already playing games, what makes you think it will stop?

I know you can't afford child support, but it is coming, you mark my words. This woman is a liar.

She is manipulating your family, his family and even her own. Take care of this before it blows up in your face.

I would bet that this baby is not his. She just is to afraid to let her family know she is a whore.

His family has made it clear that they support this OW whether we like it or not. They want ME and OUR kids out of the picture.

My H has since cut all ties w/his family. They will be of no help/support to us now or in the future w/this situation.

This woman got everything she wanted by claiming my H to be the father. She knows we don't have the funds to prove otherwise and spend years in court. I feel like she won everything that I've lost.

I agree with K....sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do....get that swab from OC....and process your own paternity test via mail. It can be done. Just be careful who you enlist from your H's family. They sound like such a turn off. Don't worry, they will be sorry later when the truth comes out for treating you the way they have regardless of the outcome because eventually OW will wear out her welcome...God will open his families eyes to this OW's tactics, and eventually they will see her for what she really is...I can't write those words on here. You understand. Unbelievable. OW is going to try and cause more drama later..they always do..from what you have told us here, it seems that this is leading to that. Nip it in the bud now.