My H had an affair which resulted in a child. We both think a paternity test would be a good thing. I want to know "for sure" that this is or is not his child. But H said last night that he doesn't want to know. He says that without it, he can tell himself, it's not his. But with it, he takes the chance of it "really" being his and he can't handle that.

Nothing legal has been setup for OC. Birth mother doesn't want to take paternity test, which I think is because this really isn't my H's child. But H just doesn't want to take the risk.

If he forces her to take this test - to satisfy my curiousity, then he very well "could be" the father and then be forced to pay for it.

Hello... I'm paying for it emotionally! He's not, and this was his doing.... I don't know what to do. Let it go?? How??

H doesn't want to take paternity test because he doesn't want to know???? He needs to grow up. He was bold enough to have an A, so now he needs to take responsibility for his actions. The question is does he want to have contact with OC???? If he does plan on it, then he really should take a paternity test....if he plans on not having any contact with OC, then the real question is how long is he going to feel that way??? Will he change his mind later, will the OW apply pressure for him to be a father to OC even w/o paternity test. Yes, the OW says alot of things about what she doesn't want, and will not do...trust me, all that changes once reality hits...OW will realize how hard it is being a single parent,and she will probably say, MM needs to deal with my headaches of childrearing too. He needs to be involved. I say clear the air now...better now than later. Whatever is going to happen will. Then you can decide what you will and will not deal with now. You deserve some peace in this matter...and that peace is the ability to make decisions that are best for you first and foremost. Somebody has to think about YOU...you didn't ask for this situation.

H doesn't want anything to do with OC as long as he doesn't have to pay CS. If it turns out he is biologically the dad, and is forced to pay CS, then and only then he wants visitation. He figures if the courts are gonna "make" him support this child then he should get to know the person he's supporting.

If I left him, I know in my heart he'd return to his family and start some sort of relationship w/OC. Right now we are states away - his family and this OW live close together.

Wow! You really need to protect your family. Ok if she don't want anything, get it in writing! If she doesn't want the DNA and doesn't want him to pay c/s get it done legally! Protect your family and your future. If she wont then take the test do a n/c letter and pay the C/S and go on w/ your life. Your H will have to deal with it one day it just doesn't go away. It will come back. Get it put behind you now or it will never be behind you
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