Okay here goes. Been a reader of posts for well over a month and started to post a few times but didn't know where to begin and end - thus "inanutshell".

WH had a couple drunken encounters with bar slut aka OW. OW is now pregnant and due next month. Marriage going "reasonably" well. WH never had intentions and still doesn't have any intentions of leaving me for OW. However, he feels "responsible". Now his "responsible" and my "responsible" are two different responsibles as you all are probably aware. Some questions I have.

1. How did you tell family etc? (I suspect some know as this is a very small community and we have lived here our entire lives). I know at least two of the kids know - his daughter and his son, my son I don't think knows. My parents (at least my mother and possibly a sister) will think I'm nuts for continuing in the marriage. There's been a problem with alcohol for years now, although he hasn't had a drop to drink since March 22. The day he told me his sad tale. I can only hope this time he's so ashamed and humiliated by his behavior that he's really let it go. Always hope.

2. Did you go through an attorney to set up CS and get paternity established? I have a friend who works at the hospital that has a number for paternity testing. WH says he's NOT going to go to an attorney. Have any of the rest of you faced this? How did you convince him that was the way to go?

3. OW is not a competent mother to the son she has now (which by the way came into being in the same manner). He is now 11 or 12 and was raised by her mother until her mother passed away. Now son is left to fend for himself. OW has gambling, mental and alcohol problems and has worked in the "bar" scene for as long as I know.

OW made the choice to carry the pregnancy through (all of a sudden she got morally correct) amd affect many, many lives for the rest of their lives. I believe she was and still is in a state of thinking she was going to corral my WH. It's actually pathetic. I can't feel jealous as there's nothing to be jealous about. None-the-less, if I "choose" (and I am at this point) to continue my marriage then I'll be damned if I'm going to let crazy OW have the control. I WILL have the control. I dealt with a crazy woman (step kids mother) for darned near 18 years and the kids lived with us. I can't imagine what it would have been like if they had lived with their mother.

4. Have any of you got shared custody or sole custody of OC and if so, how did you go about it?

5. I spoke to an attorney about protecting myself concerning CS. We have made some investments and I'll be darned if my hard work is going to pay his CS. Did any of you put installments sales and other income solely in your name to protect you? If we divorced, I would get all of those things regardless.

I know I have more questions, but brain is tired. Thanks for any advice and persective.

Well in the best interest of the child would it not be better off w/ your family? Sounds like you have the means. But if H doesn't want an attorney maybe you can just pay her off and get custody of the child. Doesn't seem like she has the mean or want to to do this. I am sorry you are here w/ us and hope and pray that things get better. Right now you have to make your family strong and do what is right for you. COVER your butt and your interest! She may have seen a "good" man coming so she wouldn't have to work! You just need to get an attorney so you can protect you and yours. And if you both agree do what you need to to make this child grow up the way it needs to! Good luck and keep in touch.
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