Okay, who was I kidding I thought that I could do it and I admit I was doing it very well - playing his game and being nice. Well when he did not return home on last night with the light bulbs. I decided to go over to OW house when I dropped the kids off at daycare this morning. Well I get there thanks to my attny finding her address and guess who's car is parked in front of the apartment? My H's. So I whip out the handy camera phone (cell) and take a picture of his car and of her car and I send it to his phone. Boy will he just die - I also left my business card on his windshield with a note saying thanks for the lightbulbs! I also left one in his driver side door just in case he doesn't see the other one.

Then I proceeded to go home and change my locks - yes I changed my locks. In the process of changing the locks I called my attny and informed her of what I was doing and she said that was fine as long as I thought there would be some sort of confrontation between the two of us. I told her i am sure it would be so I proceeded. It took me all of 30 minutes to change the locks and 10 minutes to change my alarm passcode and call list.

So I think he'll now realize that it is done I am finished with this whole thing. The funny thing is I talked to him about living two lives just yesterday while he was home cutting the grass. He stated that he was not living two lives and wanted his family - the question is which one do you want? You can not have them both.

So I hope you ladies are proud of me - I am tired so I am going to watch a little TV since I am off work for the rest of the week. I'll start packing his things on tomorrow while the kids are at school.

I am afraid of him coming over here tonight to cause a fuss. Should I stay at my dad's with the kids or should I just ingnore him and stay at home. I really don't want to frighten the kids though.

Any comments?

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You seem like you are so strong with everything going on in your life. What is your secret? I'm so impressed with you! WAY TO GO!!

Yeah! I gotta comment!

YOU EFFING ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As for staying home...I hate the idea of you having to stay at your dad's because of that indecisive a-hole. BUT: If he's gonna freak out the kids, that's a hard one for you. Of course, if he does show up, you can always call the cops and tell 'em you're divorcing that male kooze....

- Kimmy

I don't think he wants a D truly but you doning exactly what you need to do and he has forced you to it--is he living with her or does he have apt in same building--just a thought--not that it makes much difference.

Why they keep up this game is beyond me. You are very strong--stay strong and do this because I see it as the only chance to make it all work in the end and if not then you are on the road to a better life anyway with or without him.

Love ya--hang in there.

JT

When I grow up i want strength like you!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JT2,

I agree with Albany...I don't think he wants a D either...but hey some people have to see action in order to believe that it is real...he will feel it...then maybe he will wake up. Do what u gotta do girl! He is playing both sides of the fence, you know trying to have his cake and eat it too....when he realizes that you mean business, we are going to probably have to break out "the violins" for the dramatics he will be displaying (lol)....anyway, if he does confront you, be as calm as a cucumber...take a different approach...try not to yell and scream ( yes, easier said than done)...he will not understand it. Stay praying!!

JT,

I love your style. Sounds like something I would have done. Sending him the picture and the business card. Nice Touch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Let's see him wiggle out of this one.

If you leave he might find a way into the house. Can you post a note on the door saying all contact is going thru my lawyer from here on out... or something to that affect. I know this is tough considering you have children and you don't want to upset them too much. Too bad he doesn't seem to care about upsetting thier lives... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You are showing amazing strength. I hope this helps you find some peace!

Thanks all for your comments and advice. I appreciate it. It took a long time for me to reach this point as you all may know. I have been letting him get away with murder out of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, and just plain fear that he really wanted to be with someone else. I have let it consume me for far too long. I am rolling up on a year since I found out about the A. I told him that a year would not come around and I still be hear if he continued doing what he was doing.

But I must admit I do feel very good today. I feel empowered. I feel like he has no power over me. The Lord will continue to bless me and my family as long as we believe in him. He will then direct my path. My H has to answer to him not me! I don't even need to hear anything from him really there is nothing else to say. Love is a verb not a noun, and actions speak louder than words. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

MY H has just lost his family and I still do not think he knows it. After a while without any contact I think he will come to realize that I am done with this whole situation.

Please keep me encouraged and I'll let you all know if he did indeed get served today as well. He is going to really freak out when that happens. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Taking back my life - and Taking charge of ME!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


JT

All in one day--that would be fitting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

THAT'S MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now we're talking BUSINESS & you are getting yours in order!!!!!

Time to use that home-field advantage. I am so proud of you JT-leave that door mat on the porch where it belongs---------You are NOT 'it' anymore!!!!!!!!!!


whoohoo! do a happy dance for yourself-you deserve it. I think you & the JTbunch should go out tonight for icecream-the Baskin Robbins kind of the clown in the cone--sounds good to me!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JT TAKIN CARE OF BUSINESS ! You go girl! It took alot for you not to knock on the door, but you did good. Classy! I am proud of you. I told mine I would just kill him? OOPS just kinding ! Just in case I may have to delete this one. Nah. No get them where it hurts most. Let them live and live on as little money as you can ! No don't do that either. OK its late and I'm tired. And I'm being bad. Are you ready to hit the beach! I know kimmy is there!
But way to go girl!!! (((((((((((Hugs to You and them babies)))))

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Yaaahoooo. He is really going to feel the heat now. Served and locked out on the same day?? Wonderfull!

Do not leave and go to your fathers. If he should come over and make a scene, call the police then you can get a restraining order on him to stay away.

Either way you are in a win-win as far as this situation is concerned. IF he fights for you, then you two can rebuild your marriage. If he chooses the easy way out of his mess and lets this all go forward, then you did the right thing as you would have lived on forever in the holding pattern you are in now.

So, go and enjoy the weekend!!! Have a great time! You deserve it.

Congrats on your strength Jt!

Just a 'legal' sidenote (Hey Lynn, I would've thought you might have thought to mention this one!) MAKE CERTAIN there is something in your papers regarding you retaining custody of your children. Your lawyer probably included something in the papers, but be very careful. If you decide to let him visit the kids outside the home or outside your presence, be certain you have something legal in writing re: temporary custody because technically, whoever has them has "custody". Basically what that means is that he can take them and not return them, saying he now has custody unless you have something in writing.
Just a heads up...your lawyer probably already covered it though...

JT,

I am so sorry it had to come to this, BUT what else can you do???? At this point H needs to know you are not playing w/ him anymore.

I am praying that he doesn't make this any harder than it has to be, now is the time for him to make a choice, get off the fence & stop being a cake eater.

Much love & prayers to you girl, look at how far you have come in a few short months, you are taking back your life & I am so proud of you!
Still praying H see the light & gets w/ the program, he is about to lose the best thing he has ever had in his life - YOU!!!!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JT}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

JT:

Are you in counseling with the Harley's or Penny Tupy? Have you truly established a plan to execute Plan B? Do you have a Plan B letter that's ready to go?

I hate to be the dissenter here, but I'm not sure you're showing strength---at least, in a manner that will do your marriage good. There are things you can do to make Plan B effective (even if you do choose to lock him out)---but I don't see any evidence that you're doing this.

And I strongly disagree with this being a win-win situation

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Either way you are in a win-win as far as this situation is concerned. IF he fights for you, then you two can rebuild your marriage. If he chooses the easy way out of his mess and lets this all go forward, then you did the right thing as you would have lived on forever in the holding pattern you are in now.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you end up divorced, you and your kids will lose. Now---you may not have a choice in the end. But I would urge you to give your marriage the best chance it can to survive---and I would suggest (again) that you go into Plan B with a solid understanding of what you're trying to accomplish, and with someone who can guide you successfully.

JT,
You go girl. Guess what? I am right there with you. I am leaving my H too. I have had it.

Hi JT2,

I am not sure what K is saying. I think you are strong to break free from the roller coaster. I do think you should do a Plan B letter. I started one but have not finished if you would like to look through my thread. ChrisCa123 was helping me.

Since the dissenting door was opened, (and I was too chicken to open it myself)...

My 2 cents...I've never understood why BW/BH who are too afraid of doing Plan B, or think it's too radical or whatever, seem to have no problem moving straight to divorce. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I'm not trying to be sarcastic, or make light of JT's pain...I'm honestly trying to understand this.

Divorce may be your only option in the end, JT, but I just don't think you're at that point yet. Or at least, I don't think you have to be. Not when you haven't exhausted every avenue. I wouldn't be saying this, if I didn't truly believe Plan B might just work for you. Even if I didn't believe this...what have you got to lose JT? You can always get a D, if Plan B doesn't work.

Like K said, it's ok you locked him out. That is usually one of the ingredients to Plan B...but there is SO much more to it.

You did entitle this thread, "Plan B starts today", which leads me to believe, you do want to try to save your M.

Hope things are better this week.

~ad

JT,

I agree w/ ad also, what can it hurt to try a good solid PB before you D your H?

At least that way even if it comes to a D you know YOU tried every option available to try & save your M.

Luv, I say the same thing to you.

Hugs to you both.

P.S. God can turn ANY situation around. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />