Hey chica! What's happening? What did the counselor say yesterday? It was yesterday, right? Did you get your letter finished? Got everything planned out?

Thinking of you!

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy,

I have got some work to do soon but I was just thinking of giving everybody an update on my situation so here goes. Husband is making a turn around. I told his step mom and his sister that I was planning to leave him. Maybe they talked to him. He is planning on visiting his 15 and 16 year old son this Saturday, the day I had planned to kick him out. He is also planning on getting a Paternaty test. He told me, His father, Step-mom, and Mother were after him to do this. OW called my house last night. She is two centimeters. I started shaking. Sat down with husband while he ate. He told me she apologized to him and to me for calling the house and for me having to pick up the phone. I guess I got smart back. Could not help it. I said if she really wants to apologize to me why don't she apologize for all the times she talks to you behind my back. He said I should appreciate the fact that she apologized. To me it was really like she was appologizing to him for causing problems in his marriage because he probably told her not to call the house. Maybe I should feel grateful that at least she seems to have some conscience. I asked if he would miss classes if she was to birth the baby during the week. He said No. He was also very affectionate with me for the last couple days. Kissing me on the mouth which he has not done with me in a while. Counseling went well. She was very patient and said if I don't kick him out this week then maybe next week. I have to feel ready for this and with him being so sweet right now and unselfish it is hard for me to leave. He got money from his pell grant. He spent money on his 15 and 16 year old sons. He gave me money for his cell phone bill and some for me to just spend. So yes right now it is hard to leave him. Oh and my test results for STD's came back Negative. I do not have HIV. You would think I won the lottery when the woman told me that.

Hey Genia,

Proud of u for keeping your cool! Your H is getting scared now because OW is expected to have OC any day now...he doesn't know what to do with himself...and yes it is in his best interest to be nice and kind to you...it is like the more closer reality sets in of what he has done..ie...Ow having baby anyday now...the more he experiences, feels ,and sees YOUR pain. Also, sounds like his family is not too pleased about this whole situation, so perhaps they are drilling some kind of sanity and common sense back into his brains...and maybe, just maybe he is listening...U know how it goes, they never hardly hear anything we say, but they hear it from someone else instantly. I know this is a tough situation, but you will be OK. Just continue to stay cool. Don't shut your H out right now, even though u may want to, just know that he needs your strength right now...yes, believe it or not because we are their backbones. Just follow your heart, and do what God tells you to do, and don't worry about what other people think of you for doing it....regardless to what, that is still your H. Keep praying.

Hi Gofigure,

You seem very wise. I left something out. I was shaking like I said. I was sitting at the table. After I made comment to husband concerning if OW really wanted to apologize, she should tell me she was sorry for talking to him behind my back. Well then when I went to get up from the table he said he wanted me to sit with him. I said that I felt traumatized. I said the phone call and all and the fact that reality is setting in and he is haveing a baby by another woman. He said I thought that is what you wanted for her to call at the house. I said it is, but it is still traumatizing. I guess I confused him. I mean I want everything to be in the open instead of behind my back, yet the whole thing does traumatize me. He said but I thought you didn't want to have a baby. I said, I was thinking about it. It is just that I am 40 now. He told me then go get your tubes untied. I told him how much it cost. He said by the time we save that much money you will be old. I looked it up on the internet today. It said women in their 40's can have babies safer than they could in the past. I guess I could raise the money. Would it be wise, I am not sure. I talked to a clinic near where I work at that specializes in untying tubes. It would be $5,500. A lot of money for me. Husband is attending college.

Wait, wait, wait...you were thinking about leaving, and now you're thinking about untying your tubes?

I don't get it.

- Kimmy

Genia,

U are just filled with alot of emotions right now. Don't make unconscious decisions when you are feeling so emotional...all of these thoughts are only because of what is happening...don't let them take over u. Do u want to have a baby for u, or do u want to have a baby so OC won't be the last child? I totally understand your feelings. Don't put OW on a pedestal because she does not belong there...she is not doing anything monumental to make anyones life any better. Yes, we all want the OC to be safe, and healthy, but the bottom line is that U did not ask for this. This is not a celebration for U. Stop worrying about OW, and start worrying about U. Take care of U. Love U. Do what is best for U.

Hi,

Kimmy. I don't know. I am really confused. I guess I was just thinking of him being unselfish by getting in contact with his older sons that it was a sign that he is changing. Also the fact that he agreed to do paternity test. I had thought of untying my tubes before all this mess happened with OW. At clinic I called they told me I have about a two year window and then they do not recommend it. I do have reservations about loosing my figure. But I was thinking about it until he got OW pregnant. Now him asking me to untie my tubes, thought that indicated he was serious about us. I did mention that I could not have him at OW house with OC. He did not flip this time. He expressed his hurt again concerning what I did to him while he was in prison. I told him that I feel guilty. While I feel guilty and he did what he did to get me back, that I still felt all the pain of what he did to me. He said his biggest problem is that I don't trust him. I said for all the time that you spent deceiveing me, I need the same amount of time of you building my trust back up by being open and honest and only doing stuff we both agree on. I think by golly he finally got it. He said you mean you have to agree for me to spend a weekend with my friends, and if you don't I can't even though I want to really bad. I said yes, However if you want to go really bad and it won't hurt me then I would not refuse you. I then told him something I wanted to try really bad, like bartending. He refused me. He said that was not fair. He thought that was different. I told him it wasn't different. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Don't worry Kimmy, I am not making any sudden moves yet. If he has not made a permanent change, then his true colors will show soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hi Gofigure,

I will not make a sudden move. Guess I was freaking because if I wanted a baby, now would be the time to make my move. His true colors will show over the next month so I can wait at least a month before I decide.

Kimmy,

Sorry to disappoint. I was just figureing during this drama he will show his true colors. No I am not running off to the clinic yet. It was just a thought. I can wait this one out. When the dust settles I will redecide to stay or leave. No I have not lost my mind. Thoughts of haveing a baby with him is scary and romantic to me at the same time.