Hi,

OW called my house last night. She asked to speak to Husband. I say nothing, just hand him phone. From his side of conversation, I gather that she is two centimeters. He replies, yes he will come if something happens. After hanging up he tells me she apologized for calling when I would answer instead of him. He then says she apologized to me for me answering. I said, If she really wants to apologize to me, Why don't she apologize for all the times she talks to you behind my back. He thinks, I should just appreciate the fact that she appologized. To me the apology was more directed at him for messing things up in his relationship. I mean maybe since she knows he choose me and she lost, she needs to respect his relationship he has chosen. Then maybe if things break up between us he will be more likely to come back to her. He probably told her not to call the house so I think she was mostly apologizing to him and trying to make herself look good and unselfish to him. What do you all think. I welcome opinions of BS as well as OW.

Honestly? I think your h is a cheese head (no offense to anyone from Wisconsin).

And excuse me? She apologizing for YOU PICKING UP YOUR PHONE???? Hello? Who'd she think might pick up, the Pope in Rome? First, it's stupid thing to be apologizing for....second, it's a stupid thing for him to be making such a deal over. To me, it sounds like he offered it up as some kind of cheap peace offering, and when you didn't jump all over it and kow-tow to him because of it, it was an easy excuse to get p-ed back at you! And really, if she'd wanted to apologize to YOU, she would've said, "I'm so sorry for bothering you, Genia, but I just needed to inform YOU BOTH that xxx is happening to me." THAT is an apology, gets straight to the point, and then you could've taken it from there!

I think they both behave like asinine children. But you asked what I thought!

- Kimmy

Genia,

OW is only apologizing because U answered the phone...if H had answered she would not be apologizing. She only apologized because it makes her look sincere to your H(yeah right)...it was the right thing to for her to do for the moment. Surely she has a conscience...but whether she chooses to acknowledge it is up to her...right now OW is pregnant and filled with alot of emotion, and what if's, so don't think her life is peachy keen either...Believe me she is going through it too!!! Really, think about all the things that have escalated due to 2 peoples selfishness, and thoughtlessness... Hope this helps.

G, everyone looses! No one wins when people and children get hurt. But at least you know she called and he did it in front of you. The comment, and you might have had the right to say, to me would be LB'ing. I mean we ask them to talk to them in front of us and then get huffy? I just don't see how all contact between the H and ow is to stop if you are going w/ contact? Now there is a limit to anything and some do get out of hand, but do we want them talking to the ow in front of us or not? Not directed at you G, just thinking out loud. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You said he was doing better and you have to take the baby steps. I don't mean to hide your feelings, but sometimes you have to stop and breathe and just listen. I guess that goes with getting on w/ things and over them. ((((Hugs to you G)))))) I know you have been though so much and I am praying for you!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

And yes, I agree with Niosgirl too!!!

I agree with what others have said about her apology.

Also WHY is he running off to her if she goes into labor? WHY???? Sorry, maybe I missed something, but I see no need for him to be involved in the birth. It's one thing if the two of you want to go see the baby at the hospital after, but other than that.....???

YEs, I have to agree w/ Me&Boyz....why does he need to go to be with her when she is having the baby??? What is that? You both can go to the hospital after, or he can go after, because it may be too overwhelming for u. He needs to be going to the hospital to take a paternity test if anything...hey u never know.

I totally disagree with him going to the hospital...let her get somebody else to do that...what is he suppose to be in the room for the delivery? Somebody else's husband is here to deliver my baby??? What kind of crap is that?

Hi,

Yes I did lovebust. I guess I should not have made that comment about her apology. It just upset me when I heard it that he thought that was nobel of her. You know how your mouth works quicker than your brain. I asked him if he would miss class to go up there to the birth. He said no. I guess he does have to go to establish paternity. I think I did make it clear I don't want him spending the night. It probably would traumatize me too much to go anyhow.

Genia,

U don't have to apologize about saying anything....u are entitled to say whatever u want...we BW's can always get a pardon (lol)....we feel how we feel and that is it...don't go apologizing to your H about nothing...he doesn't deserve your apology right now...sorry...no matter how nice & kind he is being. You don't have to be mean about it or anything...always try to be cordial (lol)...this is a real task in this situation.(smile)

Gofigure,

MNtheBoyz. I appreciate comments from your side and the fact you don't think he should be at birth. Since it is a one time thing and evidently means so much to him, I won't waste energy fighting that one. He has to go do the paternity test anyhow. Perhaps I get lucky and it don't happen on the weekend so he can't go because of classes.

I suppose I understand your feelings of not wanting to fight him on it, but FYI the paternity test can easily be done on a different day in a lab without him ever even seeing the OW.

I think you are giving in to something you simply shouldn't if your H is truly committed to the M. Aside from the obvious negative affects on YOU, it can really cause you problems with OW. It may very well put certain thought processes in her head that you want to avoid.

Genia,

I agree with everyone here as well. SAy what you need to say. Honey let it out. As far as OW calling I agree she only apologized because YOU ansewered but I dont know who else she would have thought ansewered.

Ex... OW called my H cell phone and when I asked who it was & she told me she then had the NERVE to ask who this was.... I said honey this is his WIFE! is there anything I can do for you. I can tell from her voice that she felt VERY VERY uncomfortable talking to me, but hey thats life.

OW are going to have to learn to talk & deal with us WIVES sometime are anohter because no matter how much they dont like it we are teh WIVES not them.

MNtheboyz,

Thank you for giveing me your perspective. I understand perfectly what you are saying. I had a long conversation with my husband concerning this issue when LUV went through the same thing with her husband. Her husband went to birth and is now visiting OC in OW's home. I don't want this to happen to me. I cannot get through husbands head on this. He was in a similar situation in reverse. He had a wife who got pregnant by OM. He allowed OM at birth. He told me it did not bother him. I cannot understand. Therefore he does not think it should bother me. Maybe he has been desensitized over years of growing up with a cheating father. His father cheated on his Mom, and now his Step-mom. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Therefore he does not think it should bother me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But it DOES! Boy, your H sure is fond of telling you what you should and shouldn't feel! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Don't let that happen, Genia. YOUR feelings are YOUR feelings, and no one has the right to tell you not to feel them, or that they are wrong.

You need to do what you feel is best, but if I were you I would simply tell him that being there is a dealbreaker.

I agree with Me&NBoys.

Your feelings are your feelings. Being ther is a deal breaker, if he wants to go afterward that is a different story. I would not know how that felt. H was not there when OW had OC and he did not find out about until a couple days after from a friend of hers then he told me he went to see the baby, because he had to go see her and see if she looked like him and unfortunately she looks just like him. But hey time to mive past that sh-- now and accept her.

Im sorry but I would not want my husband there for the birth. No way no how. Too personal. The only way I would say ok if I am included.

Once the baby is born, going to hospital is fine. But being there with all those emotions that a birth brings? Nope. Being at home imagining what could be happening is torture. No one deserves to go through that.

Just my 2 cents...

Hi,

I too do not want him there. Chances are she will have baby when he is in class anyhow.

I too do not want him there. Chances are she will have baby when he is in class anyhow.
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Genia,

What if it isnt that way? What if you two are together at dinner? Having a lovely time. Ring ring, its time? Think about it? Prepare for it. This is your marriage, these are your emotions. Are you willing to take a chance on how you will feel? Chances are you don't.

The decision is yours. Clearly it will hurt. Haven't you been through enough? Genia you must take care of you first. Tell him how you truly feel do not hold back. You owe that to yourself, hon. Empathy is a beautiful thing, but there are limits.

Saphire,

Thanks for your concern but I could talk to him till I was blue in the face and it would change nothing. I choose to focus on the way he handles contact as the deal breaker. I know him being at birth will hurt me and I will stay with his step-mom for support if and when that might occur.

Genia,

What on earth is your H reason for wanting to be at the birth? WHat is he saying about this? I would love to hear this. Why does he feel so strongly about this...it is not like this is his first child. Just doesn't sound right...now he wants to be moral and righteous by being there??? Please.