Luv,

I am glad you are doing well and wish the best for you and your family. I hope you enjoy the new place, but I would take my time on buying a home because you never know where God might lead you. He might lead you back home when the time and situation is right. But enough about that get yourself together for those kids and be the best that you can be, and yes I will take your advice and do the same for my family.

We are not alone we have each other and I want to thank you for always lending an ear when I need it. Please know that I am here for you as well when you need me.

JT

Luvmyfamily

I have not had much of anything to add to your circumstances for a while now, but I wish you the best and am happy that you are standing up for yourself. It sounds like you have given your husband numerous opportunities over the time I have followed your "story" and he refuses to acknowledge the harm he has done and refuses to take the necessary steps to rebuild your relationship after the harm he has caused. I also think that you have made a strong effort at trying to see things from his view and give him second and third chances.

Obviously none of us are in your shoes, but there are some relationships that are not worth saving. I have sincerely hoped that yours would work out in the end, but if it does not (and it looks like it may not) at least it will not have happened due to your lack of effort.

I may have told you, I attended a number of meetings with BAN and one of the women got a divorce over a year after her husband had an affair. She tried for a year, but her husband was unwilling to truly change. She was very happy that she waited a year and gave it her best shot because she knew that the marriage did not fail because she was unwilling to do the work, but that her husband was unwilling to be a true husband. Although I do not know you personally, it sounds like you have given this relationship all that you can and, if it really does not work out, then you did what you could. If you give too much you give up all your self respect and only have a relationship that is not worth living in.

August,
So glad to hear from you, I was wondering where you were and was hoping to hear from you. A while ago I sent out a post to you but when I did not hear from you I figured you took a break from the boards. You always gave good advice, heck I still have copies of some of your replies.

Yes August I have tried and tried for far too long. It's been just over three years from the first D-day of the A. I think I may have given too much and have given up some of my self-respect but I do know that I have tried and I can't fault myself for that.

I now have a great therapist that is keeping me on track and won't let me get weak again. She has said that she is all for saving marriages but this one is just not worth it. She said he is verbally and mentally abusive and that I need out no matter what.

He has been nasty to me, cussing and calling my a F'en C and WH***. It's not pretty. But I feel strong and I think I am ready. I have not cried like I did in the past, I am calm, cool and collected. I am in control of myself and that is good.

Luv,

I am so glad you have a good counselor. He is only calling you names reflecting what he thinks of himself. His own insecurities are coming out in the names he calls you. Your husband has very low self esteem. I am so glad you have a counselor helping you out of the chaos your husband created.

Luv,

Original quote by August
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">... one of the women got a divorce over a year after her husband had an affair. She tried for a year, but her husband was unwilling to truly change. She was very happy that she waited a year and gave it her best shot because she knew that the marriage did not fail because she was unwilling to do the work, but that her husband was unwilling to be a true husband...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That about sums it all up.

I am so happy for you that you have got it together & have a positive outlook on your decision, the worst thing you could do now is be crying & depressed, to me that would mean you are not ready to move on, but you are not so you are ready to move. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am sorry I missed your previous question. I filter in and out of these forums, as sometimes they are helpful and other times can be a downer. I cannot exactly say that I am “happy” for you, but it seems like you have made the best choice in a bad situation. Although it is a considerable understatement, we often have to choose between the lesser of two evils, and do not have an option for what we truly want.

Yah August I am not exactly happy about my decision but I just felt like I had no choice any longer. He pushed my hand so to speak. The pain of seeing him go over there for visits was more than I could take. Him dragging his feet on DNA and legal V, only made the pain that much worse. It screamed that he does not care about me or the kids. He did not care what it was doing to me inside. He even made fun of the fact that I hurt.

August, I can't think about the delivery and him being there, those feeling come rushing back. Any time someone here mentions about OW going into labor it just turns my stomach like it was happening to me again. It's a pain I have never experienced before. Remembering the day my mom died does not even have the same effect on me.