Hi albany,

Take deep breaths, snd regain your sanity. I think you need some space from him and this whole ordeal. You need time to get your head together and heart right or in the right frame of mind.

This is rough on both of you, but he has his solace. When he gets angry he can just go to apt. to find peace where does that leave you because he can come over when he gets ready. I bet you don't have keys to his place do you? Why not? If he has every intention on being devoted to your family or working on the M what is the problem?

Sorry, I am having a tough time today, but my intentions are good and for your benefit!

JT

He has no intentions of working on the marriage now--he is done as of Tuesday. However, heard it all before so I have to keep my distant and have made myself promise not to call him etc--reject/ignore whatever.

I did call him today because I couldn't stand not knowing something--so I said I wondered if he knew what happened to the articles I laid on the counter last night. He said he took them and i said oh did you read them or something--he said he read a little--he worked last night--so he hasn't much time to until tomorrow night--he works again tonight.

I find it interesting that he took them to read--you know what--I think that I hold the cards and always have but let him control them--he isn't going to get a D or work on marriage with things the way they are--he will keep medling along--so I have to ignore not call and act distant if not cold to him when he is around and do my own stuff--It is going to be hard but what else do I do--he knows this can work I believe but easier to not work at it.

He still likes to throw out the line that if we are right for each other we shouldn't have to work at it--that the right marriage is easy and we all know that isn't true.

That was totally said again as I was reading some stuff here on MB--every marriage is work and usually every good thing in life is work. It is just that when we were dating and first married we were so into each other we always were giver and it was never work at first.

I'm really energized in a way because I know it could work and be an excellent marriage but I don't know how to have him see that and try.

I will not mention those articles again--I have given him food for thought that he knows what to do with and so now that part is in his hands.

Albany, dont mean to stress you or anything but r u sure he is not seeing the OW & the child? This is classic behavior to me that most of them are doing when they are lieing. So it may not be what you r or r not doing. Its truely is him and being on the fence so to say. Or maybe the guilt of everyhting is just too over whelming for him. Is he going to C? Or will he. I feel you are trying soo hard to make this work and you are wearing yourself out. Don't forget to take care of Albany! ok. And we r your support group! I know what that feels like too. Haven't talked to my dad since we stopped the D papers. (Or any of my family really since then.) But God said to find our mate and "leave" our parents and that our children are also to "leave" us. And you are to put H over everyone else. (Kinda hard to do w/ all this stuff going on) But we are here for you and I'm sending you a prayer!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Yes--Sunny that I'm sure of--it is the now thing with going out with the guys and hanging around this girl from my work--she works out in the mill in production.

Does he have just a thought of how it was when he was single? Want to come and go and no resposiblities? Sound like a mid life crisis. I'm just at a loss, cause somedays he wants to be there for you then all of the sudden back to withdrawing and back to square one. Is he seeing a C? I know this has to be driving you crazy! How are the kids? How are they doing w/ all of this?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

And damn what is wrong w/ this girl? why would she be hanging w/ the guys and w/ MM at that! HELLO?

because the rumors I here about her are that she gets around the block--especially is known to have relations--maybe purely sexual with another guy ffrom my work who is an electrician that would scare me--to sleep with anyone that has slept with--would want to run the chance of a disease.

Basically H is done--whatever. was a turd o Saturday--he has much anger for me right now--it like he doesn't want to be done but part of him does and he the most unhappy right now that I have seen but he hates me right now--you can see it in his eyes.

I made sure not to call him at all yesterday--he was at work--he didn't call so I figured he was still very mad.

Oh but who drove into the driveway last night after getting off work--yeah well I think we all know who. His reason to come over was to unhitch the trailer from the truck because him and my dad own it together and my dad is going to need it again soon--but he doesn't know when my dad even needs it again because he hasn't asked him.

Just an excuse to come over. He asked where I was going because I was putting on my socks and shoes. I said to dinner with my parents for my mom's B-day--it was yesterday. He asked what I was going to say to them about him not going and I said nothing--I said they aren't even going to ask--he was even invited--and I said I didn't have to explain anything to them why our son was with you the other night so I don't see this being any diffferent.

He seemed taken aback. They arrived to pick me and our son up before H had left. He came in the house and told my mom Happy B-day and she thanked him all was fine and we left.

He called me about 5 minutes after I got home--shouldn't have answered but didn't look at caller ID before I answered. He asked where we went and if I had a good time. This coming from the person the other night who didn't say goodnight and when I asked why said he didn't care if I had a good night.

I give up---I said too bad you couldn't have came and he said well it is a little awkward right now and I said well it doesn't have to be but you are the chosing that.

He said he would get a hold of me later this weekend so we could figure out which day he could take our son--he is working to nights of OT so he can probably only take him one night.

Kinda chuckling today about him calling last night and coming by last night.

Hey albany! They never stop amazing you huh? Keep up the good work. Its hard but he has to realize that you are a strong beautiful person. And you are on your way! Have you filed papers yet? Are you going to? Have you talked to an attorney yet? Tring to get updated.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

We agreed very easily last tiem on everything and we were going to do it ourselves this--lawyer thing is kinda a rip if you can settle easily between each. Haven't done anything yet and as Aut says if I lose the house--sell it and he wants to get back together afterwards--it is worth it--won't have another house like that for a long time--but it would be worth it if it restores M.

Funny how he didn't care about if I had a good night on Sat. but now he cares about how my Mom's b-day dinner went. HELLO! Then the reply when I said well you could have gone or something and he sayd it is awkward (DUH)--and my reply you made it that way.

I know he stopped to just see what I was doing. Gotta act like life is great and I'm having fun--then he doesn't have me where he wants me.--Hate to act that way when I honeestly don't feel that way--but hey I can and I'm gonna have to if there is any hope.

Hope god gets through to my H.

How are you sunnydale? I have missed chattign online at night--have missed everyone when I have been on lately.

Just wanted to say that H did say that he read two different articles that I gave him--both Dr. H ones--summary of basic concepts and restoring love in marriage.

It will take a while to sink in and for him to absorb I think--like I said he is determined that loved can't be restored for the time being.

And Niosgirl this 10/7 will be nine years for us.

hEY,

how's it going? You need to have some time for yourself. You need to breathe without the thoughts of your H and your M. Albany you have got to take some me TIME. You can not keep going on like you have been.

Please take a break - nothing will change by the time you come back to reality. go to a spa or something. Or just get a massage, but let it be a day out for you / preferably a weekend.

Take care of you!!!


JT

Today I need your guys strength. I said a prayer for all of us last night.

I'm just upset that H went to a movie last night with XXXXX named guy friend from work and you know when he lies he has always said he wasn't doing anything so maybe this is the truth or maybe he went to the movies with a friend of the opposite gender. I guess what I'm saying is I don't and I don't if he told me the truth.

I could say something about it when he calls today--well I'm assuming he will since he called yesterday but I don't know but I'm tyring to do what MOM is doing and not LB. Last fall when it was over I didn't care what he did and didn't really ask and he came around.

I'm just so mad that I don't know if it is the truth--you would think he would just say he went with a girl to push me away since he wants a D and says he is done but he isn't logical so why would he do that--if I was done I would let him know I was seeing others versus hiding it.

I don't know girls--just very upset. So is the best tactic right now is just to show him I'm living for me and only me even if it is killing me--I want him to see that but I have a hard time with it. Gosh darn it I love him so much but I beginning to think I must let him go.

Hang in there Alb....
It's a rough thing....acting like you are not dying inside. I bet we all could win Academy Awards for some of our performances.
"And now.....Nicole Kidman presenting "Best Actress in an Adulterous Marriage"....
Hope I made you smile for just a bit...
ent

So ent or anyone--do I just put those thoughts out of my mind and not bring it up that I think he may have to movies with a girl?

I'm thinking if he didn't and really went with the guy from work he will get really bowed and it will only start a fight.

Just play the pretend to be happy and move on game--so hard when I'm aching inside.

Hi Albany,

I would go to the movies. Tell him you would like to go with him. See what he says. If he says no, say nothing to him and go purchase a ticket. You are free to go to the movies if you want. This would make him uncomfortable if he is going with a girl. Say you are not checking up on him but you have a right to go to the movies too. Bring a girlfriend with you if you can. I do not see how this could be wrong. I hope it will not be too hard to see the same movie he is seeing. Also I think your husband is insecure of you having a good time without him. He wants you home pineing for him. If you start going out, like I told you earlier he is gonna get protective of you and want to spend time with you. I would make a habit of going to the movies more often yourself with a girlfriend and maybe you will run into him.

<small>[ September 14, 2004, 10:58 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Alb...you don't know for sure. It seems to me that you have enough on your plate (things you know about)to bring up something you only have suspicions about.
It DOES get better Alb....One way or another, God already knows what is going to happen. You just need to seek comfort from that.
ent

You are right Ent--it is only a suspicion--it is just that with the past fibs it is hard not to jump to conclusions. Do you know what I mean?

It isn't healthy to borrow trouble and I cause myself a lot of stress by doing that. He called last night before he was off work to tell me when he could take our son this weekend and then to snivel about a bad day at work and that he is sick--I didn't give him any sympathy--if he doesn't want me as a wife then he doesn't get wifely sympathy.

I will go out this weekend and try to have some fun--it is hard when your heart isn't in it though--love him so much and just pray that my prayers are answered and he shows my H the light and allows him to rebuild our M.

Ent are you at home on vacation?

You know the one moment that I never want to forget and I hope is very special to my H but I often wonder since he says he doesn't love me etc. was the birth of our son. Sometimes now I just want to sit down and cry that I shared this very personal experience with him--a family experience and now I feel like it wasn't real and really did mean to him what it meant to me for us and him to be there during the birth--there was so much love I thought that day and now I see that I was may have been wrong.