So my H came home on Wed. seeems OW had taped a note to H car. It was a list of things that Kayla needs. Its a list of like t things. Formula, Diapers, bottles (and she specific to the number she wanted),s ome fall clothes, socks, shoes. I think thats about it. But what pisses me off is she does not say when she needs this by. We still think she is leaving. According to my H she is supose to be leaving end of this month or next month, so I am wondering if this is why she needs this stuff because she is leaving, because H says when he asked 1-2 months agao what the baby needed she said she did not want anything frm us. H says just tell him what she needs he is trying to be a dad and would like to get her soomething if she needs it.

Heres my thing, I told my H i hope she is not playing with us you know if she is leavign **** it wish she would leave, but if she is not leaving and just needs stuff thats cool too thats what we are here for but i want my H to tell her Don't keep playing with us, jsut be truthful if you need something because you need it or because you are leaving.

I wanted to show my H how o.k i am with this. I told him I would buy her shoes. I told LET ME does this. I feel like i need to (need to show that I am serious about accepting her). The funny thing is instead of being upset like it hought I would about shopping for a little girl (because this is my H 1st D) for those of you who dont know my story. I thought i would be devastated shopping for a daughter that is not mine, i am actually looking forward to buying her clothes that I think she would look nice in, shopping for a little girl can be fun. Am i crazy for this. I am just shocked for how well I am adjusting to this whole thing. I guess I am really starting to come out of the shock and stop freaking and just start accepting this.

I just wanted to get somethings off my chest.

Lon, I know how you feel. I also took my d shopping last night and had to stop and look at and almost bought so shoes for the baby. But I need to wait to find our how big he will be. He will be here soon and I myself are surprised on how well I'm doing w/ my feelings. Considering I've been an ad's since the beging and took myself off of them last mnth. Its a peace that god gives us. He gave me the strength to feel and say things to each other we never had. He wants us to have peace in our M and in our life. Even though there is someone out there that you don't know what they look like or weither they are being taken care of, are they sick, what do they need. Its called being a momma no matter who's child it is. They are gods children and no one should know the hurt all of us feel going though this. But its for a reason and look at the peace you have in your heart? Has it ever been there? Did you always have it? Not me! He has helped me find it and for that I am greatful!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Thanks for the kind words.

Has what always been there? I just dont understand that sorry can you specify a little more.

Its your Son from OW from your H's A? HE is not born yet? my OC is 8 months. I have seen her pcitures and i cant help but htinking how cute she is. Even thought i know the situation. Ikeep telling myself its not her (OC) fault. SHe did not ask to be brought here and she was, all i keep telling myself i can do is try to love her.

Has the sence of pc always been there w/ dealing w/it. No he will be here soon there just anytime now. Earlier,this yr, i thought I would go crazy. But I'm not. I'm a whole lot calmer than my H is right now. I think it is finally becoming "real" to him what has been done. With having to sit down with our D and tell her "daddy messed up, daddy has let you down, ect. It really hasn't involved her yet, but it will touch her heart this weekend and yes its becoming real. And yes I pray that he will get the same pc I have in my heart. I'm over the anger. I am looking forward to holding him and seeing him for the first time. I'm also praying that his mother will find the peace she needs to also. To realise that what she has done is done and yesterday is gone and today, everyone can make this child's life the best and healthy life he can have. He is intitled to that much. I will not allow the drama to effect my family or my child, and hope she feels the same way. You are right by saying all we can do is show the love "WE" have for these children. Except the fact that things work out the way God wants them too. We may not understand now, but in the long run we will. He has a working plan for everyone involved.
Sunny D

I am sorry what is pc.

My Ow does not want me around OC until she is old to talk. She thinks I am going to do something to hurt this child she is f'ing crazy to think that but I guess you never what OW think now a days.