</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> That does NOT mean however that my child is her child. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WRONG-O!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If the BW stays with HER DH (and I write that because he is NOT the OW X-ANYFRICK'N THING, no matter what the OW might think they have a right to call him - while he's married he's the W's and no one else's!!!! - sore spot, sorry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> "my xmm" SNORT! UG!)...but if the BW stays with HER DH, then suck it up sista, your darling baby just got a step-mom when you jumped in the sack with a MM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is a consequence of YOUR/HIS decisions!

A loving W, who is forgiving of her DH and the OW, and who has POJA'd with her dh, will make another HOME for the darling child. And I say all of this from experience. I WILL help with OD and OS's upbringing in MY HOME. OW WILL NOT get to do anything about it, other than comment. THE LAW SAYS when they are in dh custody, he has the right to delegate their upbringing to any reasonable adult - THAT INCLUDES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do I do anything differently in their upbringing than I did with bio-3? No. Do I consider them mine...you betcha! They are mine b/c I change(d) their diapers, I get/got up with them when they wake in the night, they fall asleep with their little ears pressed up by my heart (so they can hear it "beeping" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ), I kiss their boo-boos, and I miss them sorely when they're gone. THEY ARE MINE TOO! Not by blood, but by love! I hold those two and promise them I'll always be there for them....and I mean it with all the fiercness of a mother lion protecting her cubs. And if you DARE insinuate that I have no more rights in the upbringing of these children than any other babysitter, I will have to....I dunno....But I think my head might pop off! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I am SO sorry if I stepped over the line here, but YOU ARE AN OW on a Marriage Building board for BS that are coping with OC. As an BS, I've found OW on here that are helpful, but your comment above is just about the most INSENSITIVE THING you could post on a board like this. OY VEY!

Going to take some Midol now and quit shaking.

- Kimmy

Boy Niosgirl,

LOL...I tried to be nice about the dam thing, but u were literally screaming on paper!!! LOL..

But u r right. I agree with ya!!!! I especially heard ya when u said ....treating BW's like Babysitters....u go girl...tell it like it is.LOL.

All jokes aside, these situations are not the most comfortable situations (duh) and everyone involved...OW, MM, BW, and OC (when old enough), MM's family, need to work hard to find peace and or a cool median where everyone can see clearly and be just even a little comfortable. It is not easy...no one benefits from adding more coals & flames to an already out of control fire.

I must have missed it! I don't know what the heck is going on , but i AGREE WITH YOU NIOSGIRL!!! 100%%%%%%

OW have some nerve bad mouthing the BW, whe is like the OC the innocent victim here. If they meaning the wife and husband which means OW in not included decide to do contact OW has no say so whatsoever about whether the child is in her care. BE DAM% clear that BW will be fully involved just as the H wants her to be with your child/OC.

That's the sad part about being an outsider you have no choice in the decision making and it best that you remember that! Sadly you may be reminded of it from time to time but that's your problem!

JT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but u were literally screaming on paper!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Sorry! You know what they say, "You can take the girl out of Texas (edited to add: KICKING AND SCREAMING), but you cain't take Texas out of the girl!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

- Kimmy

Niosgirl,

Don't be sorry...it was rather refreshing....lol...in a crazy kinda way!!!! Keep that energy, it works!!!

I agree it does work!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT

...'snot energy.....raging PMS...but, you know, whatever works! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I love my oc and for ANYONE to insinuate that I have no rights to bring them up in MY HOUSE how I see fit is...well...it's insulting. My dh and I are a TEAM....all of our children are our blessings - they are gifted to us by God with the understanding that they are His on loan to us. We know His rules (tho they might have been forgotten at at least 2 times <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ), and we know that He expects US to bring them up accordingly.

- Kimmy

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but if the BW stays with HER DH, then suck it up sista, your darling baby just got a step-mom when you jumped in the sack with a MM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is a consequence of YOUR/HIS decisions!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I love it.... you rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is the day I say AMEN to you Kimmy - Tell it like it T IS!!!!

I detected quite a bit of bitterness behind that original post by NTMO myself. All I can say is should have thought about the consequences before you did the deed, & yes I mean BOTH OW & MM.

If things did not turn out the way you (OW)thought they would oh well.... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

As Justin Timberlake says; cry me a river!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but YOU ARE AN OW on a Marriage Building board for BS that are coping with OC. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with everything you wrote except this. I thought this was a place for those who are working on rebuilding there marriage, even if that means you are the cheater.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought this was a place for those who are working on rebuilding there marriage, even if that means you are the cheater. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is the whole point NTMO is NOT MARRIED so what relationship is she working on? All she seems to do is talk about the rights of OC, not saying they don't have any, I for one as a BW who wants contact would not dismiss OC, but as Pep put it the M comes first before ALL others, after God of course, then there is BC, then OC, & OW has no place in THAT family, (H, W & BC if there are any).

As I said that is part of the consequences of having an A w/ a MM who stays w/ his wife even after an OC is born & there is contact.

Yes there are WW's & WH's here but they are still M & working to rebulid their relationship, a WW or WH w/ an OC working on their M posting here I have no problem with, but if I am not mistaken single OW's w/ OC have their own board to post on. So why post here if you are not using MB principles to save your M? That is what I don't get? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Niosgirl:
[QB] [QUOTE] That does NOT mean however that my child is her child. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WRONG-O!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If the BW stays with HER DH (and I write that because he is NOT the OW X-ANYFRICK'N THING, no matter what the OW might think they have a right to call him - while he's married he's the W's and no one else's!!!! - sore spot, sorry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> "my xmm" SNORT! UG!)...

Nios Pep said Gena's husband is NOT MY mm so how can I talk about that? So when I said that...it was in refrence to what she said......

Nio you have NO legal right to those kids....loving them as a mother is different. When you have someone attacking you and all your trying to do is get a point across that is not a bad thing for Married people, but just an observation and who is twisting every word I say around.........I expressed myself louder and I guess it got your attention but not in the light that it should have. Nio's I go on another site that you do and I get along with EVERY BW there and respect is everywhere for one another. Again, you spoke out of anger for whatever, but I did not lie in anything I said.

<small>[ August 27, 2004, 06:05 PM: Message edited by: needtomoveon ]</small>

NIo's where did I say anything about a bw being a babysitter? Please show me. I never posted that. Maybe you have me confussed with someone else, but I never said that. Please show me. Maybe you took something I said way out of what it really was, but I never said anything about a babysitter. Please tell me. I have NEVER EVER said the bw has no rights to the child either. Please show me where I said that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BabyGirl93:
<strong> Today is the day I say AMEN to you Kimmy - Tell it like it T IS!!!!

I detected quite a bit of bitterness behind that original post by NTMO myself. All I can say is should have thought about the consequences before you did the deed, & yes I mean BOTH OW & MM.

If things did not turn out the way you (OW)thought they would oh well.... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

As Justin Timberlake says; cry me a river! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Things are just fine for my family. There is a reason why everything happens and we are doing just fine!!! I have never ever not taking blame for my part in this........funny when everyone is on a roll they totally forget everything the person they are flaming has ever said.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StillStrong:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but if the BW stays with HER DH, then suck it up sista, your darling baby just got a step-mom when you jumped in the sack with a MM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is a consequence of YOUR/HIS decisions!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I love it.... you rock!!!!!!!!!!!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm fine with the way things worked out. The affair was a HUGE mistake. It should have never happened. I'm glad he stayed with his wife....this whole pregnancy thing woke my A** up and Thank God!!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BabyGirl93:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought this was a place for those who are working on rebuilding there marriage, even if that means you are the cheater. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is the whole point NTMO is NOT MARRIED so what relationship is she working on? All she seems to do is talk about the rights of OC, not saying they don't have any, I for one as a BW who wants contact would not dismiss OC, but as Pep put it the M comes first before ALL others, after God of course, then there is BC, then OC, & OW has no place in THAT family, (H, W & BC if there are any).

As I said that is part of the consequences of having an A w/ a MM who stays w/ his wife even after an OC is born & there is contact.

Yes there are WW's & WH's here but they are still M & working to rebulid their relationship, a WW or WH w/ an OC working on their M posting here I have no problem with, but if I am not mistaken single OW's w/ OC have their own board to post on. So why post here if you are not using MB principles to save your M? That is what I don't get? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am married.......I'm no longer in my marriage home. It's over. Why do I post here? Do you want me to say it again? Okay.....Meintheboyz in not trying to make a marriage work, and a few others that post here. As well SOME OF YOU and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE come over to our board and post and unless your trolling you are more than welcome. I have learned a great deal here and have even grown in my healing due to this and other boards and certain people. I have thoughts and trust me YOU GUYS ARE NOT ALWAYS TALKING MB PRINCIPLES......I've read the post....and somethings had nothting to do with mb tools etc. but oc. I HAVE AN OC........I can relate and I know I have also helpped a few bw's with the situation as I have been helped.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by BabyGirl93:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought this was a place for those who are working on rebuilding there marriage, even if that means you are the cheater. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is the whole point NTMO is NOT MARRIED so what relationship is she working on? All she seems to do is talk about the rights of OC, not saying they don't have any, I for one as a BW who wants contact would not dismiss OC, but as Pep put it the M comes first before ALL others, after God of course, then there is BC, then OC, & OW has no place in THAT family, (H, W & BC if there are any).

As I said that is part of the consequences of having an A w/ a MM who stays w/ his wife even after an OC is born & there is contact.

Yes there are WW's & WH's here but they are still M & working to rebulid their relationship, a WW or WH w/ an OC working on their M posting here I have no problem with, but if I am not mistaken single OW's w/ OC have their own board to post on. So why post here if you are not using MB principles to save your M? That is what I don't get? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Baby, I have been more than compassionate for you and stuck up for you. YOU as a bw. This is board for oc as well. REad my post above.....why I am here. Hmmmmmmm....amazing. When pep is not around it seems you guys DOn't have a problem with me.....and say thank you for your thoughts NTMO.........She just riled everyone up here. You guys are going off her words to me......and putting WORDS into my mouth. I said almost eh exact thing sunnyd did but you guys can't see it coming from an ow and have to find fault...I see how it works now. That is too bad, because non of you will grow and heal and go on with that kind of hate in you. At least I can say I can coexist with a bw and am big enough to say hey I was wrong........and baby.....where did I say the oc is the only one who is has rights???? Again please show me.

Okay I think I answered each and everyone of you?????? I don't know what crawled up and went off, but please don't twist my words or put words into my mouth that I never say. It's not fair. It's wrong. I know a few of you that go over to TOW and you don't see my bashing you over there with your thoughts and all......

HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm tallking to YOU!!!!!!

Everyone just calm down & back off---------way off-------step away from the keyboard & no one gets hurt!!!!!!! Take a deep breathe & cool your jets.

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This is a PUBLIC forum----ANYONE can post here, no matter your label, financial status, marital status or position in life.

I don't own it, you don't own it & there are moderators here if things ever got outta hand & someone needed some censoring.

it's ok to disagree w/ another poster's opinion, POV & lifestyle or even the style they type in. Ok we get that. Every one is different.

Yes, we BW can get a bit territorial but no need to jump down someone's throat-even more so when they are even actually trying to respond to your questions & dignifying you w/ a response.

We are all in different stages of our lives & healing through this common situation we all have found ourselves in--which is that we are all related on some level to an OC.

Yes, this site is devoted to Marriage Building---but ANYONE can post here, lurk here & what not. Even the definition of 'marriage' to some people is changing, I may have a personal opinion about that, it may be popular or unpopular but so what.......ANYONE can post here.

I know how frustrated we ALL are by our own situations.

I am NOT NTMO BW, nor is my H her xMM, nor is she my OW------and to my knowledge she is not anyone of you's OW either right?

So even if I am very upset & hate my OW-------there is no need for me to take my anger out on NTMO. I can rant & rave & even disagree w/ her or any other OW or even some BW--that's all OK.

Some days we are more sensitive to things or comments then other days------that's understandable.

Again--it's ok to disagree, it's ok to challenge, it's ok to question---everyone has an opinion about everything-----ok. These things are ok.

But just because you wear a different label or have a different opinion does not mean you can't post here or anywhere else in cyberspace for that matter.

I won't take anyone telling me to 'get off their board' & I like to think we are better than that here on 'our' board too!!!!

That's why it is a PUBLIC board & remember----we created our EXCLUSIVE, PRIVATE board for 'members ONLY' where we can go & chat amongst ourselves ect. & keep whoever we want out & let whoever we want IN. We have our place for that.
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Ok move slowly & no one will get hurt.
We will now return to our normal programming that is already in progress. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

KT....Good lord woman....
You don't pussyfoot around do you.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />