I need your advice. I was just going through my H's phone records and found an unusual amount of out of town calls. I suspected that maybe he was talking to people he met online. I hacked into his email account and found messages to females he met online. One in particular where he gave her his number. I have in the past condonned him talking online to anyone (including women). He even views their pics, which I was aware of. After I found out about the A, I asked him to stop chatting online until I felt comfortable with how the A started. I never really firmly set this expectation and I knew he was online again but not to what extent (he plays poker...etc). My question, what should I do with this information? Do I comfront him and let him know how I found out (from snooping)? Should I discontinue our Internet service. Is this a serious problem? I feel so confused. Everytime I feel we are making progress, something takes us 10 steps backwards!

Hello, Welcome to MB. I am not glad to welcome you here in this type of situation, but I do want you to know that we are all in the same situation. We are not here to judge you, but offer as much support and advice as we can.

I would like to tell you to read all that you can from this site. Dr. Harley has some letters and advice he has given to others in their situations. Some of these along with the points he makes about all types of marital situations. So rad all that you can and get educated on what you should do next.

I can not give you any advice right now, but all I can tell you is to read READ READ first!! Others will be along later to give you some more support. I do not want to tell you anything that might not really help so my advice is to take a deep breath and read all that you can.

More people will be along on Monday - the weekends are kind of slow and few post, but don't give up.

JT

TR8,

I am so sorry for this additional pain- its terrible!

You don't have any other option TR-- than to confront him! If you do not, thats a scary prospect, as that would mean you are avoiding the situation and that you are afraid to stick up for YOU!! Don't EVER get there.

YES you snooped! Should you snoop- well YES if your gut let you there. YOU WERE DEAD ON. And with a previous A.. what would HE do.. give blind trust just like that and DISREGARD his gut telling him there is something going on? No way.

If you choose to snoop then you must face what you find- why else look? Not to mention that you absolutely could not go on holding this to yourself and act normal w/him. You'd quickly take years off of your life stewing and hurting by youself.

YOUR H is still CHEATING. Period. Giving your PHONE NUMBER to women on the internet? OUCH -- that is F***** UP, much less after your pain now of an A? He is TRYING to start up again if he has not already.

Honey PLEASE take a stand - this is SERIOUS. Surfing at naked honies could hurt enough at this stage in your M- but giving his phone number- well thats off the HOOOK. Disconnecting the service would SURELY deter him in many ways and WHY should you let the catalyst to the DEVIL in your home any longer???? But unfortunately after you do that, you are still left with a H who has not learned or changed and will only find a new way to find women. Unless or untill he truly changes his heart and his M.

HUGS to you... I am so sorry to say these things to you but I have to. I had many post d-day "sins" commited by H so I know how this hurts. Keep posting, please... Just curious, is there OC involved w/previous A?