hello,

I am engaged and I stated reading marriagebuilders in order to find ways/ideas to make sure that when we DO get marriage we have a solid marriage and not make mistakes that a lot of couples make. I've been sort of fascinated with THIS particular forum because of some issues with my fiance. He doesn't have an OC but he does have a ...different ...view of sex than I do. Well, before reading here I had NO IDEA there were so many people affecting by children outside of marriage. This caused a discussion between my fiance and I about the "what ifs" of this type of situation. We are deeply in love and know I would be crushed if he had an affair, but I don't think I would leave him for it. I do understand that people make mistakes. HOWEVER, in our discussion about outside children, I asked him what he thought about it and how he would handle it. Had it not been for MB, I never would have even thought to ask about it. He stated that he would do whatever it took to keep the marriage. I told him that I would not respect a man that would turn his back on his own child however, I didn't think I would be strong enough to accept the child. I know it's not the child's fault but I would always look at that child as a reminder of him cheating on me. I told him that if that ever happened, I would leave. I hope that was not considered a love bust. I know, no one ever EXPECTS to be in this situation, but my question is, did any of you who find yourself here now, discuss this with your spouse before you got married or before the situation arose? I guess I'm wondering if now that my fiance knows the consequenses/results of something like this happening, he will not put himself in a situation where this WOULD be an issue.

I NEVER in my wildest fascinations EVER imagined I would be where I am today-------NEVER EVER EVER! Who really does?

I think it was VERY smart of you to broach this subject w/ your fiance'.

Even though, we THINK we know what we do when/if ever confronted w/ certain situations.....you really don't know until you are there. Hopefully, it will be NEVER for you.

Most people here, I would guess foudn this place AFTER thier marraiges were @ a breaking point and TEN started to institute the Harley principles of meeting each other's needs ect. SInce you are here BEFORE you are even married---you are WAY ahead of the game & have done wonders of preventive medicine for your marriage.

I also think it is sooooooo right of you to clearly state WHAT you (think) you woudl do in that situation so that your stbH is fully aware of what he would be risking if he ever made that choice.

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BTW: what process are you in your wedding plans? Ring & date? dress? ect?

Just wondering because H & I will be renewing our vows in Oct (12 years) & I find it soooooooo much easier & stress free then the first time around (even though my 'mother' did most of it back then-maybe that's why it's so easy this time? hmmmmm? LOL).

Anyhoo------take care & congratulations--hope I never have to 'welcome' you here as a member of our 'sisters by fire' club! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thank you for replying KT. I hope this site helps to give me all the tools/ideas i need to help sustain a successful marriage.

As far as planning the wedding, I have been out looking at wedding dresses and I have an aunt that is begging to be the wedding planner since she doesn't think her own daughter will ever get married. We haven't set the date yet because he is deployed and we are unsure of the return date.