Well, it was bound to happen. For those of you who don't know, my h had an almost 3 year a with the tart (or da kooze, you choose...both are okay with me), resulting in 2 children that I love dearly. Everything has been cool and froody and we were ALL gettin' on. Up till last week, that is. By Friday, Nio was distancing himself again. BS's you know what I mean...and when you've been thru it once, you KNOW the signs and are constantly on the lookout for them. I call Nio at work Sat. morning and he's so cold (after MONTHS of loving calls) and tells me point blank that he's leaving. I was crushed. CRUSHED. All of my plan Aing was for nought (I thought). I asked him to come home so we could talk. He told me he'd started sleeping with da kooze again and he only wanted to be with her (like Faith, da kooze lives in SAT - we live at the coast). WAIT: IT GETS BETTER! Sunday morning he gets up to go to work and tells me that he DOES love me, he just needs to figure things out (can anyone say, "Eels aboard my hovercraft?"). You all should've seen the fog in the house! I'm amazed the gerbils didn't die! I must tell you all - after all that I've been through, I really didn't want to keep breathing yesterday. I'm just so damn tired. I'm exhausted and spent. So I told myself, I'd allow me the weekend to greive and mourn and then keep on with my most wonderful plan A.

Well, here's the good part: I talked to the tart yesterday....SHE'S NOT SLEEPING WITH MY H....SHE'S GOT A BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!! She'd just told Nio that last week. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Can anyone but me add this up? She also got a waitressing job at a bar (which is how Nio met her - she was a waitress at a bar we owned). Hmmmmmmm. 2 plus 2 equals a massive amount of eels, I guess?!?!

So he has to figure out what, exactly? If he wants me and our two kids, his stable life at the coast, or if he wants to move in with her and her SIX kids, and have to look for another job in SAT. For those of you with kids, you understand the dilemma, right? For those of you without kids, let me paint a picture of his life coming home from work: He comes home, changes his clothes, all the while 6 rabid kid billy goats are running screaming through the apartment that is just a tad bigger than the one you had in college. LMAO! So not only are there eels aboard my hovercraft...they're EATING the hovercraft...which is fine by me, because I am an avid fan of the Food Network, and I'm certain they have a nice recipe for eel pie.

To top it off...G'ma is ill...and Nio is in Waco (Wacko) for a training course (I know because I talked to his CO). I have to get thru this week somehow, and hope some of you out there will help me keep my sanity as my two rabid kid goats are totally taking advantage of mom's stressing.

Oh. And the diet is ON! Haven't been able to eat anything since Friday night. I'm running on Diet Coke/Dr. Pepper and about 3 hrs. sleep. Lost 5 lbs. already. Joy. At least my bikini has adjustable straps....

- Kimmy

<small>[ September 10, 2004, 10:01 AM: Message edited by: Niosgirl ]</small>

Kimmie,

I am in shock. Disbelief. If your darlin husband could do this to you, with that filthy OW. I just lost the air in my tire. The hope you gave me. I am so sorry honey. I was so sure your husband was madly in love with you and would never do this to you again. Gosh. How could he? So why would she lie to you and say she had a boyfriend? Kimmy, I am at a loss for words. Bless your heart. I am hurting for you. Why? Why? I do not know what to tell you. I am still in Shock. I read your words with disbeleif. I do not know what to tell you. I just wish I could come over so you could put your arms around me, and cry.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I was so sure your husband was madly in love with you </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, he is, sweetie. Don't you worry about that. I'm not the least bit worried about his love for me. He's in panic mode because there is another man sniffing around what he'd considered his territory for 3 years. He's gonna have to get over it. He's already made up his mind to stay with me, I've a feeling....he just needs to nail the coffin shut on the relationship with the kooze...He did/does love her in a way. But his addiction to her (and hers to him) is not healthy for anyone, and he needs to get that from his heart to his thick skull.

- Kimmy

Nio,

This can't be happening, not to you. I don't understand it at all. Actually, can't figure you math either. LOL You are going to have to spell it out for me.

Why would he say that if he is not seeing her? Do you think she is lieing? What in the world is going on in his mind?

I just don't understand. I am so sorry for you. I don't know what to say. I know one thing for sure, you are a very strong women and you will be fine. I know another thing for sure too. Nio will never ever find another women like you.

Hi kimmy,

I am inclined to agree with you. Nio is just upset that she has now moved on and not whinning after him anymore so to speak. Plan A his butt to death, and get your bearings. You have been through the worst of your situation now the healing can really begin because he will have to let her go even mentally.

I am still sorry for the pain it caused you, but am glad that you see it for what it really is. I wish I could do that most of the time. I have every faith in you that you will get a handle on this situation and control it without letting it control you.

Keep your head up and let the kooze go on without the two of you. Plus I understand what you mean, are they stupid or what - my H decided to continue to lie to me and be wit OW her three kids and OC in a small apt; instead of being in a 4br home with a fenced yard and his 3BC. What the he!! are they thinking. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

JT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Why would he say that if he is not seeing her? Do you think she is lieing? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, I don't think she's lying. I heard her boyfriend in the background as we were talking. He was singing to her...it was kinda sweet, really. He said it so I'd get pissed with him. She was FURIOUS that he told me they were sleeping together. She said it made her look worse than she already did...she was correct on that front, I must say!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Nio will never ever find another women like you.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He knows. I know. You should've seen him last night. He couldn't quit hugging and kissing me. He can be such an idiot! The stupidest thing he does/did is to try to anticipate my reactions to things...he still hasn't figured out that I KNOW what he's doing most of the time. Really, all the things he says and does when he's in this mode are straight out of the mothership programming.

As for the math, Bob Pure (on GQII) has a saying that when his WW starts fog talk, he thinks to himself, "There are eels aboard my hovercraft." In other words, you are totally babbling about nothing - you make no sense to anyone but yourself. I've got so many eels from Nio now, it's not even funny.

- Kimmy

Kimmy,

I am so sorry. You are trying to talk strong but I know it hurts you like heck inside. I think he should be glad she has moved on. I remember earlier when he was stronger and did not want her bothering you two. It would really hurt me to think my husband was addicted to another woman. I would want him to be addicted to me. I guess it one way to look at it like a drug addiction. Are you sure she has a boyfriend, or is she just telling you that to shut you up. Why would your husband sleep with her if she had a boyfriend. Kimmy if he has actually admitted that he has slept with her, has OW slept with the boyfriend too? Are you safe? Did your husband use protection? How do you feel his love when he has admitted to doing this again to you? I am asking you this stuff because I am concerned and am curious as to your answers and take on this situation. I feel I can learn a lot from you. You seem strong on the outside but I somehow feel you are falling apart inside. Kimmy, I really feel for your pain and I beleive you are hurting deeply now.
((((((((((((((Kimmy)))))))))))))

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You are trying to talk strong but I know it hurts you like heck inside</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It does hurt...but I'm not just talking strong...I AM strong! Look at what I've accomplished so far! This is just a divot in the path. That's how I'm going to look at it.

I knew he "loved/s" her. That's not something you just flip a switch and it turns off. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE LOVES ME LESS or wants me less than her. I think his actions up till this point have proven that, don't you? She does. She told me she can't take him coming and going.

I HEARD her boyfriend telling her he loves her and singing, "My Girl," to her. He even said, "xxxxx, marry me..." while we were on the phone...I was LMAO (at Nio) all the while. I told her, you marry this guy, and I'll buy your dress for you! (evil grin) We both laughed about that.

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy,

I know you know Nio love you but I just thought he should be over her already. I want for him to love you and you only Kimmy. I just want him to devote his heart to you and you only. I just am the jealous type and I do not think I could take it if I thought my man loved OW. He tells me he does not love her but if he were to tell me he loved her I do not think I could take it. I am glad OW has a boyfriend and I wish she would get married already so Nio can get over her already. I am just hurting with you and for you Kimmy. I did not mean that as a slight against you. BTW you said yourself you did not like anybody calling you strong. I beleive you will wake Nio up real quick like out of the fog he fell back into. Kimmy I just know us women can only take so much of OW moveing in on our territory. Sometimes I have such evil thought of OW. I cannot state my thoughts here, but you get the picture. I am just sure that you do not want OW takeing up space in your husbands mind. I love you Kimmy. You have been there for me and you still are. I am just hurting that you had to take a step back when everything was getting so happy for you. I beleive you will pull through this but I hate seeing you have to hurt like this.

Kimmy -


BIG BIG BIG BIG hug to you honey! I still say you are a remarkable woman, & deep down past all the fog Nio knows it & I believe he is just tripping right now & we not let YOU go.

Only he knows why he chooses to hurt you like this & I commend you for standing tall & continuing to figh for your M & your H!

Praying for your continued strength!

He just called me. He says he wants to come home early from the training...I don't see how he can, since the SO is paying for it...I do hope he does, tho. He said he *thinks* he needs to get on with our life together and let her get on with hers. I told him that he's just prolonging the pain if he doesn't - for everyone.

I love him so much...even tho he can be the biggest dorkface in the world...in all other areas, the the total best, but regarding her, he's such a fool.

- Kimmy

Kimmy,

I guess he realizes now he made a big FAT mistake. Maybe he was wondering if she was making a good decision with her new boyfriend. So sorry he put you through this. I am sure he feels the need to make this up to you. Sure he went on a big FAT guilt trip for hurting you again like this and he knows you deserve better, but that you love him and you always will.

Kimmy,

I am wishing you the best. I hope Nio does remember all that he has with you because not many women would accept OC and you accept two. So that in it self makes you a remarkable woman. He is blessed to have you and he knows it. Just a little taken back that OW has moved on i think. So stay on the path that you have been on Kimmy - he is your H and I think he knows where his bread is buttered!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I am keeping you and yours in my prayers.

Love ya,

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Neosgirl...

Here is an invitation to come over to GQII to read a great thread by "Faithinme"...

I think there is some "there" there for you.

Maybe it will inspire a plan or two in your head????

Couldn't hurt!

Pep

Actually, Pep, I've been using Faithinme and Bob Pure's posts as a beacon this weekend - I also referred back to some of your sage advice! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This is so not the end of the world/marriage. I see it...shoot, HE sees it. He knows...he just needs to turn his whole heart to the family. I'm there for him, and he knows it, to make sure he doesn't stumble and fall.

- Kimmy

OKAY--WHAT THE HECK?

I thought Nio had it figured out--what a turd! I'm really pissed at him--but hold your head high and you I know will get through this. Catch you later when I have more time.

BIG HUGS and you are so much in my thoughts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I thought Nio had it figured out--what a turd! I'm really pissed at him </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay ladies...you all can be pissed, but he's human...and I've said it before, I know he loved her after a fashion. It's not the same as me or even as much as me...but it's human nature to mourn something lost. I kinda knew he'd not totally gone thru withdrawl, and I also KNEW that once she got a boyfriend he'd probably panic. That's just what happened this weekend. So it's a setback...but it's something that we have to go through. Okay?

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy,

You are right, your husband is human. I did not know he was still in withdrawal. I am sorry. We just all love you and hate seeing you go through this and I guess it is just easy for us to direct the anger at your husband because he hurt you. I am sure your husband is hurting too. He is feeling guilty too, I am sure. I do not think my husband ever loved OW. At least that is what he told me. I am not sure if my husband went through withdrawal. But then my husband is still talking to OW. I wonder if he would go through withdrawal if he could not talk to her.

Originally posted by Niosgirl:
Actually, Pep, I've been using Faithinme and Bob Pure's posts as a beacon this weekend - I also referred back to some of your sage advice!

Well ... since I don't know nutin 'bout your situation but what I read... here's my (worthless) "take" about this recent pimple on your marriage complexion.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Your H doesn't want his 2 kids to have a full time father, he wants to be THE DADDY ... and let no other daddy enter the picture.....

Personally, I hope the kooze marries this dude and he loves her to death forever and ever and he loves and cares for her brood too ....and they live happily ever after.

Not saying your H ain't a great Daddy ... but there is nothing as swell as a full-time Daddy in the house, especially during the fun-filled teen years.

Pep

You hit the nail on the head there Pep. He DOESN'T want anyone else being papa to the kids - hers or mine. I'm guessing he should've thought of that b4 he jumped into bed with her - ESP. after the first kid! (snort)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Personally, I hope the kooze marries this dude and he loves her to death forever and ever and he loves and cares for her brood too ....and they live happily ever after.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From your lips to God's ears, m'dear!

- Kimmy