Hello ladies,

Today I am the most scared that I have ever been. I really feel bad about even having to do this. We are going to court this afternoon for a hearing about the portection order. H has a chance to dispute it. I am nervous about even facing him. I have not seen him in two weeks since I changed the locks to the house. I love this man, and part of me does not want to do this to him.

He gets out of control when he gets angry he has never hit me but i was afraid that he was going to break in on us that day when he was kicking the door in. So I guess I have to do this for me and my kids. Plus I do not want him coming over to the house unannounced or when he wants to. the harrassment has to stop. the funny thing is he does not think he has done anything wrong here.

He still believes that this is my fault. I am starving for money to take care of his family meanwhile I bet OW is not wanting for anything over there for her kids.

What about US what do we get NOTHING. If I don't allow him to do what he wants then I guess the alternative is this NOTHING. But in making me suffer so to speak you hurt the kids as well. So none of us mean a thing I guess.

I am shaking and wish that I was not even in this situation. I am SCARED of having to do this. He could have just come home and loved his family, that's all we asked of him. Why ME? Why ME?
Why is this the hardest thing I have ever had to do? I am so sad about it and I want my kids to see him - I want to see him. I know that I am going through withdrawal and it is tough ladies even after all he has done it is tough for me.

I LOVE HIM - What can I say.

JT

Oh JT,

Sweetie I wish I could be there with you for moral support. I know how you feel, if the love for him was gone it would be so much easier to do this but it isn't. You really don't have much of an alternative though, H has left you no choice other than to stand up for yourself & stop letting him dictate how your life will be.

You are messing up his fantasy of "being married living single" He can no longer enjoy the two families he was going back & forth to be with, honey you had to stop this for your own sanity. God would not want you to continue to live in this torment, this is not what HE created M for.

Praying for you, it will be hard to face him but God is with you, & HE is your source & your strength.

Hugs,

wouldn't you know it--we post on the opposit ones--figures! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Flare prayer sent up, JT!

YOU ARE DOING THE EXACT RIGHT THING!

- Kimmy

Hi JT,

You do what you feel is right in your heart for your safety. Only you know.

JT,

Sending lots of good vibes your way!

I know how scary it is, but you are strong!!!!!

Stick to your guns, DON'T let him manipulate you, and remember that there is light at the end of this tunnel.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh, and I wanted to add that you may be interested in finding out if your area has an Advocacy Program. Women who are abused in ANY way and especially those with POs can have an advocate (usually someone from the local domestic violence group or shelter) accompany them to all court appearances for support...especially when the abuser will be present.
Just something to think about...

<small>[ September 01, 2004, 01:42 PM: Message edited by: meNtheboyz ]</small>

JT - Just wanted to let you know I am thinking and praying for you. Stay strong.

Stay strong. Keep your chin up and head high. HE did this. Not you. HE is the one abusing and scaring you. YOU are only protecting yourself.

Stay calm. Stay Strong.

Thinking about you JT. I hope all goes well today. You are doing the right thing. You are strong and will survive this. We are all here for you .

JT - So how you doing? I was thinking of you and hoped that everything went well for you today. Talk to you tomorrow.

So how are you doing? Was thinking about you all day yesterday and again this morning. Let us know how it went yesterday.
love ya--hang strong

JT,

Where are you? Waiting to hear from you and praying you!

Okay girls,

It was a long and grueling day in court. We were in there for 4 hours. He is disputing the Protective order of course, but I knew he would do that. So we go back to court on December 1, 2004.

The order does remain in effect until then. I still have custody of the kids, home, and all the possesions. He was given limited visits with the kids at my grandmothers house for two hours two days a week, and He can take them for 4 hours on Sunday. Hey I know it doesn't sound like much but these are the days and times he told the courts he had available. Boy that really aounds like someone who's kids are very important to him doesn't it. I was sick sitting in there with him. He even had the nerve to lie in court about somethings that were going on between us.

Now to the child support: He initially tried to offer me $500.00 a month for two kids. Claiming that was all that he could afford. Don't forget we own a business that deals in mostly cash - so he makes plenty. Plus if 500.00 was all he could afford to give me then we could not live the way that we do. The Judge saw all through what he was trying to do. She had him run down the poeple that work for us and what we make off of them - eventhough I had given a list to her through my attny, plus I brought his bank statements with me.

She got on to him in the courtroom on several occasions about lying to her (judge). She even told him she would hold him in contempt if he keep on talking. Bottom line without really going into details is that I now receive $2200.00 in CS a month from him.

Oh my goodness tell me GOD is not good!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
This was beyond my wildest dreams, I can live my life just as we were before and not worry about the bills being paid. The mortgage is 1500 and I have some left over. Me and the kids will be fine. He was so angry by the time we left the courtroom until he was arguing with the judge that this was not fair. He said how was he going to afford a place to stay if she did not consider the bills he had to pay out. She then explained by saying that in CS cases tier money comes off the top before anything else is taken out.
this was the way the courts made sure it was fair to all parties especially the children who could not look out for themselves. He pleaded and said it was not fair, she told him that life was not fair.

We then left the courtroom. I did not say anything to hurt him. I told her that my children loved their father and I wanted them to know their father, but I DID NOT WANT THIS NEW FAMILY TO DISRUPT THEIR MENTAL STATE THEY WERE TO YOUNG FOR THAT! The courts agreed. The funny thing is this CS order stands when we go to court about the D CS will not come up again because an order is already in force. So that's it about that!

Do you know that I still sat in that courtroom and cried, worried about how this was affecting him and I am sure he did not even care about me. He sat there with a smug look on his face. I am just amazed, but I am a child of GOD and I will make it through this as well. The road is rough ahead, but I have evey faith that GOd will see me through this. He is a miracle worker and my faith rest in his hands.

One thing that this whole thing has taught me was to lean on the Lord and not to my own understanding. Although the battle looks as if you may have lost just hold on!

I thank you all for the support and I will sure need it in the future but for the next couple of months I will be free of worry - I hope. At least it will give me this time to get over him by not having any contact with him - not even a phone call. I wonder if he really realizes what he has done to his family, or if he just says to hell with it he was where he wanted to be anyway.

Do you know that I still LOVE this man. Why? What has it gotten me? If he loved me how could he do it? Do you think he would ever wake up from this? Well just questions for now, becvause I am going to work on me! I have to! I will SURVIVE!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BRAVO, BRAVO. You did it, your survived and things worked out better than you could have imagined. I am so very happy for you.

Don't think for a minute that it will get easier. He is mad and he will not let you forget that.

JT, I am so happy for you. I hope that it works out for me just as well. I know my CS will not be close to that for the two I have but that's ok. I just want my kids to spend more time with me. They do already and I just want that to continue.

God Bless you my dear.

Good going. Do you still bring home money besides the 2200.00 hw will have to pay--if so it sounds like you are in could shape---so proud of you and happy for you--no more money stress for while hopefully.

Yes, I know you still love him--can't tell you why are explain it but I understand it--you are like me--always looking out for them even when they have hurt us so much.

You are strong and I hope that this has given you even more strength. I bet his life sucks right about now--oh well he made this mess and has not chosen to deal with it in a grown up fashion.

On a defferent note--my H was a turd last night when I said to him that he brings home 1600 and rent is 475 and then power for him is about 40 at the max and then whatever cell phone is and that last month he didn't give me anything money wise--had extra stashed because of selling last semi so it was okay but I said what are you going to do if you have to pay me 500 a month in CS. He got angry--started a fight but of course I started it because I told him something he didn't want to hear--of course my fault you know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I said you are just like a little kid you want to run when you hear or are faced with something youd don't like and you get mad and spout crap from your mouth--then I let him go.

Okay--next thing he did blew me away. He actually called back and aplogized and said he was sorry and that not to worry and stress about money because he said that he knew I was. He said he didn't want any fighting and that he was very sorry and it would be alright and to have a goodnight and don't stress about the money and don't get worked up about it. I said thank you and I said I know that you (h) are nearly down paying back state payroll tax fromt he business we use to have--they take 25% of his net each check--ends up being anywhere from 225-350 a check depending on if he has OT--but I said I'm budgeting for us with that continuing as you may be paying CS to OW/OC of about 400-600 a month or less if contact but he doesn't want C and she doesn't want him to have C so she doesn't want him to pay CS but he may have to anyway.

Okay I just had to say that he truly apologized and I haven't seen that recently at all.

I'm still so excited for you. Man you guys are doing okay if you have income besides 2200.00 a month.

Let me know--love to hear back from you

Yes Albany, I still have my salary coming in the house. I am floored - I mean totally shocked about it. I didn't even know that they awarded that kind of money for CS. I need it grant you, but am glad that the Lord was looking out for me and my kids. I pray that he continues to be with us. even though this is a long road ahead.

I did want to comment on what your H did. Not to bring you down, but that is exactly what my H would do - even the apologetic part. He would sound so sweet and sorry. That is part of what kept me reeled in all this time. I would say he's just stressed, but the reality was I was making him or asking him to make a choice and he didn't want to. That's why he kept paying the bills and repairing things, buying groceries, etc. I think he wanted to keep me in the frame of mind that hey he is doing all these things so he must love me, but the truth of the matter is he still was not committing to me and the kids.

He still got to live seperate lives, he got to run home away from us whenever he felt like it and he got to stay with us whenever he felt like it. So he had the pleasure of being married and being single! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Why make a choice when you can have the best of both worlds? (just a thought) You can't go on like this forever can you?

But anyway thank you for the support. I posted on the divorcing board and got only on response so If you girls don't mind I'd rather talk to friends. If I depress you to much though just let me know!

Thanks,

JT

Hi JT,

We love you, you can stay. I am so glad you Did so good in court. Wow. That is good money. Serves him right. He is gonna wish he chose you guys. Then he could have paid child support for one child. You know he is gonna think about that and things are gonna get old for him and other woman real quick. After a while he will probably be begging you to take him back. It is natural for you to miss him. Let him squirm for a while.

You aren't raining on my parade.

You have to understand that it is a big deal for H to apologize--he normally never does and just acts as if nothing happened so I still think that it is a step in a good direction.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Not to bring you down, but that is exactly what my H would do - even the apologetic part. He would sound so sweet and sorry. That is part of what kept me reeled in all this time. I would say he's just stressed, but the reality was I was making him or asking him to make a choice and he didn't want to. That's why he kept paying the bills and repairing things, buying groceries, etc. I think he wanted to keep me in the frame of mind that hey he is doing all these things so he must love me, but the truth of the matter is he still was not committing to me and the kids.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow, JT are you married to my H <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> That is exactly what he would do and say. He would apologize and act nice and I would fall for it. The other thing that he kept telling me was "Do you think I would do all this work on this house if I did not want to be here with you." Like that was supposed to mean a lot.

Oh my gosh LUV, they are reading from the same handbook. My H would say the exact same thing to me constantly.

Albany - If you see progress I see progress! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Genia - Thanks for your support I love you girls too.

It has become an addiction talking to you girls everyday, but I must say it is a good one! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thank you all for your support AGAIN. ( I promise I won't say it again for the next ten minutes). By the way do you honestly think he see's this as a big mistake he made or do you think he is still placing the blame on me? Do men like him really ever realize that they are wrong?


JT