JT,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do you know that I still sat in that courtroom and cried, worried about how this was affecting him and I am sure he did not even care about me. He sat there with a smug look on his face. I am just amazed, but I am a child of GOD and I will make it through this as well. The road is rough ahead, but I have evey faith that GOd will see me through this. He is a miracle worker and my faith rest in his hands. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Praise God!!!!! Yes he is a provider & you are his child so he will take care of you, try not to worry, easier said than done I know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I believe your H will miss you terribly when OW starts showing her true colors & it won't be long, he will be truly sorry that he threw away his wife & family to live in the fantasy he created with his new "fake family". Soon his anger will wear off over having to pay out so much CS, which he should those are his children & who else does he think should provide for them since he chose not to?

I don't know what goes thru their little minds, I don't know if it is the thrill of living these 2 lives that they get addicted 2 or what, but it is not right & needed to be stopped by him, but since he wouldn't you had to do it for him. I am living the same crap! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I know how hard it is, but God will bring you to a place where that love you feel for him will only be as the father of your children & not the romantic love that is causing you so much pain right now. IF that is his will, he may change H, only he knows. But you are right continue to trust HIM, he knows what is best for you & will continue to order your steps, keep trusting & believing.

Don't you dare leave us & post elsewhere, we are SBF remember D or not!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT I am sooo happy for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Lies, brings on mor lies and judge's don't like that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> See God is good all the time! You have becaome a stronger better you! And your children are so blessed. You just don't know how proud I am of you for standing up for you and the kids and going on! I know God has a special someone out there for you and I hope the D goes as fast and smooth as poss. (((((((Hugs JT)))
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Why is the next hearing so many motnhs away? That's wierd. When is your D hearing again?

Well, I hope this does something to open his eyes big time & he chagnes his ways, repents & comes home. Really, I really do.

I am glad that you feel taken care of. That is sooooo much $$$$$$ that I just can't believe it.
******
******
You know what would be really GREAT? Was if he came home......you guys were all back together & everything in that department was great & then OW tried to sue for CS & she got the 'left-overs'.....I wonder if that order would still hold up? That would be something wouldn't it?

I just can't believe that. You guys must be just about rich in my book.
*******
*******
Maybe THIS will be your plan B?

thanks KT,

I know I thought that was a lot of money too, but because we deal in a cash business ( hair salon, Barber shop, and a tattoo parlor)all inside the mall working 7 days a week. It does bring in a lot of money. Since I was not seeing any of the profits she added it all as his income (GROSS). So that is what made it so high.

But hey he can afford it he was taking care of three households anyway right: MY stepson CS, our house and bills, and OW. So there should be no real difference except now it is on paper.

She would get screwed if she ever filed for CS because she would only get the left overs. All current orders would not be decreased - ever because of hers or any after that.

It is such a blessing and I never imagined it as anything other than that. I never expected it but am grateful for it, because now me and the kids can keep living the lifestyle that we are a customed to.

God is a good God!! ALL THE TIME!!

talk to you all later,
JT

Do you think he would really straighten up or would it be just not to have to pay the CS. How would I trust his motives now?

I am happy when things work our for anyone. So congrats.

I am wondering if your older child were to turn 18 would that free up some money for the OW to claim down the road? IF anyone knows that is....very curious.

Hi all,

I had a very good weekend, hope everyone else had the same. It has been great not having any contact with my H. Believe it or not. I still Love him deeply but not having the constant arguing or even not knowing when he's coming home, or having to watch him leave us every night has been peaceful - soothing. I do not have to hear him screaming ugly thoughts and words to me over the phone or on the voicemail. It has been peaceful to my soul! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I do miss him terribly though! I did not think my life would be like this - I feel so alone at times, but then greatful that I am alive and still have my children.. I have to remember that he made this decision and I had to act on it. Life is full of choices, unfortunately someone loses in the choices we make. There is no happy decision for everyone especially not the kids invloved in this mess.

Cordelia - I responded to your other post, but in my state if the child support order stops at age 18 - then yes that money is free for OW to get in her CS order! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

But keep your head up and have faith.

JT

JT,

I wrote this to Luv & I am praying it for you also, God can do anything, I am still holding out hope that it is his will for your M to be restored. Maybe this will be the wake up call that he needs.

I know the peace you feel though, I also know the love you feel as well.

Trust in God, not man, he will see you thru this.

Thanks bbyG,

I am hoping and praying for the same, but only if it is his WILL, not MY WILL!!

JT

I have now come to accept which ever it may be. I know the Lord has my family's best interest at heart. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT,

That is the best attitude we can have right now, that God's WILL be done not ours!

Whatever path HE has chosen for us to follow he will give us the strength & wisdom to stay the course. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So JT--how goes it--you talked about having a bad day today--if you need to talk--then I'm here.

Hey JT, how are you doing?

Not sure if you realize or not but it's normal for CS to end when the child turns 18. Also, in my state OW can file for CS even while mine is in effect. That just means that H will be a little strapped for $$.

Hi Luv,

I am hanging in there. How are you? I was responding to the question for Cordelia. In my state CS ends once the child turns 18 and can even go until 21 if they are in college. OW can also get CS in my state while my order is in force, but thank goodness I did what you all advised and got an order for my children first. So now she will have to get whatever is left over, and my children will come first never last.

So how's the new house and peace I am sure you are experiencing going? I am kind of lonely and cry often, but I try not to second guess my decision. I hope that you are not doing that. I am going to a friend's sons football game tonight so that should be fun. I need to get out more and enjoy life and my new found freedom.

My H keeps calling my grandmother to ask her to tell me to call him. What could he possibly say to me. He swears to her that he is no longer with OW/OC, but hey even if he's not would that really change him? I don't think he is capable of not cheating. He has done it our entire M. I did not believe it before when friends ( mutual ) would tell me that he was with someone else. He would just explain it away. Well this time I prayed for proof and the Lord sent it straight to my door. The pg was the icing on the cake. Why did he not request her have an abortion, instead he embraced it and literally continued to lie to me and be with her through this whole thing. So how could you love me? Why now? He has been playing happy family with her for the past 11 months and playing happy family with me the same. Who do you want? I don't think he really knows. nor do I think he has changed in just 3 weeks either.

You mean to tell me that he can just walk away from the bond that he has established over there, he could not do it over here. I made him do it. So should I even give him a minute of my time and listen to what he has to say? Or make him write me a letter? Or just go on about my happy life. I bet if I went by her house at 4:00am his car would be right outside. maybe I need to do that to solidify that I am doing the right thing by moving on. I trust that the Lord will deal with him. I am going to trust him and wait on his blessings.

How about you?

JT

Just thinking of you and wanted to let you know that I'm going as dark as I can and I doing as little C as possible and I have already seen results.

I'm trying would love to do PB a few things are too complicated--give me an update.

Love ya--said a big prayer for all of us last night.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So should I even give him a minute of my time and listen to what he has to say? Or make him write me a letter? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JT,

Please DON'T!
I only say that because in most cases, if you allow voluntary contact of any kind with him, including accepting written corespondance, your protection order will be considered null and void. It may say something about that on any paperwork you might have received at the time, so you might want to check.

Live your wonderful new life to the fullest!! and be happy!

Yes, JT by all means check the order and don't do C yet--hold out longer--use this time you H sounds like he is a addict as Dr. H talks about some men are addicts to affairs and they can change but it much like dealing with alcoholic--you must treat affaair addict the same way.

Anyway it there are hopes of it working eventually then no C--you are doing so good with it right now--keep it up.

Thanks girls,

I was not really thinking of any contact. I was just thinking out loud. My order does prohibit him to call or show up anywhere that I may be at the time. But it says nothing about a letter in the mail, besides I would not write him back anyway. Just wanted to see if he'd go that far to do anything about it.

But no I am not going to reach out to him. H e has not had time to really see what he has done to his family. He maybe feeling guilty, but not really sorry about what he's actually done. The reason I know this is because all he ever says is "The only thing that I may have done wrong in this M is have a baby outside of the M"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> So what does he think that is something small I guess. That is the very destruction of the M unit! He doesn't even realize the velocity of what he's done to us. I can not explain it to him and I fear that no one other than extensive counseling will ever be able to. He has never worked on us, so why would I really believe that he was so willing to now.

I have no intention on doing anything to jeopardize my protection order. it is what gives me peace of mind.

I agree with you albany and Dr. H my H is an addict. He is addicted to having affairs, and I don't really believe that he can be a one woman man. It is what he's always done and it is obviously what he likes to do. How can I change a person like that? I can't! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Do they ever really change or do they just move on to the next. I don't think my H is really wanting to put forth the hard work he'd have to do to make the M work. plus he is a habitual liar.

I think for my sanity I am just going to keep moving forward alone. I know God can perform miracles and that is what it will take for me to take him back. a big MIRACLE!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

so thanks and keep looking out for me - I need someone who has my back!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MNTB, Any other advice?

JT

okay you didn't ask me for advice but I know you won't mind <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Addicts have to want to change yours doesn't yet. Our H's are alike quite a bit mine, yours and LUV's but mine is a bit different. He has admitted he has mainly gotten us to the point we are at but that is great but he doesn't see any further than that.

Which is that love is an action, marriage is work, you can fall back in love but you have to want to and make it a mind set. mine admits right now that he doesn't want to fall in love again and he wants to take the easie pathe which IMO is walking away and not trying--takes a lot of effort to fix something that broke.

I will tell you that one day yours will realize this all it just may be way down the road.

Personally I think mine will figure it our but only when I start making him be a complete single parent and no benefits of a marriage except for using our shop-not staying for dinner, no sleeping at our house for a nap before work and just all that stuff--no favors being done.

I guess as Sunny says I have to trust in god and so for that matter all of us do.

You are doing so good. I'm so proud of you.

Thanks Albany,

You know I always want your opinion. I agree with you whole heartedly about my H. He does not know it yet, or really want it yet. He is just inconvienced right now by not being able to see us and be at home with us somewhat. By the time he realizes it it will probably be too late. I will probably be gone for good! Maybe that is for the best - God may not have had him in the plans for me
1 I trust that he knows what he's doing because I sure don't. But for right now I am going to live and WAIT on the LORD to gude my life. I can't help H he has to! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


JT

I do agree with you about your H though. But you have to keep it up Albany! You have To or nothing will ever change!

I know JT--I have to do the best I can and make as close to PB as I can--it is amazing how dependent my H is on me--he couldn't do what your H is doing.

But you are right I really have to keep it up because I give back to fast and then he reverts because it is like a little kid--I never make him learn his lesson.

I'm not going to go get the do it yourself D papers--I should but by god he can if he wants this so bad.

I'm thinking him calling like he did last night means that my plan can work if I stick to it--hadn't even been 16 hours. What is your opinion of my H--you really think he is at a different point then your H? It isn't just me saying that is it? Do you also agree that by him bringing dinner or lunch over and what not his him sending mixed signals? If he pulls any of that I'm going to decline when he calls and asks and just make sure that I'm already making food or have plans--not me a bytch about it by saying I won't except anything from you but just make it known that I don't need to be not and that I don't want to without actually saying it--I think he will get the picture.

i hope god has faith in me to stick to this--I know you better keep reminding me JT to not give in to push this to the max--he needs to live it for awhile.

Have talked to KRisM recently? Hope all is well with her--been thinkign about her and BBYG.

Well JT I have to say that I am not sad, lonely or crying. I have not shed one tear in all of this. Well, except when he screamed horrible things at me. But never one over sadness or loosing the M. I have not second guessed myself. When he said he missed me it made me feel sad that it had to come to this. However, as he talked I realized that it would have been more of the same had I stayed. It would have dragged on and on.

IF he ever comes around I MAY consider it but he would have to do a lot of changing. My friend in Hawaii said that when she kicked her H out she never thought he would change into the man/H she always wanted but he did. So, there may be hope for my H. He would really and truly need to understand what he has done to me and our M. He would have start going to church, spending more "quality" time with the kids. Realizing that housework is not the be all end all of the worth of a women. I could go on but I won't.

Then I think about the pain of the day he went to the delivery and my stomach turns and I get sick all over again. I wonder if I will ever loose that feeling. I think about how he gave away the one precious thing that only I shared with him. How I will never get that back. The birth of our chldren will never be something special that only he and I shared. I think how much he has taken from me that I can never get back and I don't want him back in my life.

As I told him, you made you bed. One side is comfy and the way he wants it and he got it without any tears(establishing V with OC) and the other side is still a mess that needs to be straighten out. I told him that he made his choice and both could not be neat. He now has to live with his choice.

He knows that establishing V with OC went easily because I am out of the picture. So I said to him, see you get rid of me and half of your problems are solved, look how wonderful everything turned out for you (or something like that). He said oh yah it just turned out peachy. Well, you made the choice I told him.