and I am in my new abode. I just love it. I am so happy, except for the times I have to talk to my H. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

He said I had to be out of our house by 6 pm, which I thought I would be. However, it took the movers forever to get things done and I was not headed back home till 5:30 to clean up and pick up some last minute things. Well low and behold, guess who is already home? My H! He had the nerve to tell me that this is NOT WHAT HE ASKED FOR AND IT'S NOT WHAT HE WANTED. Can you believe him? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I guess he would just prefer to have his two families and just let me wallow in misery while he went about his merry way seeing OC at OW's house, not getting DNA dones, etc. Yes, that's what HE WANTED and to he!! with what I wanted or needed in order to be sane. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He knew I was taking the phone and then got mad that it was not there. He was also mad that other things were not there even though he had them packed up downstairs from his move. I told him not to lay that guilt trip on me, he knew for two weeks that I was moving and what I was taking, he could have prepared better. I even suggested that he start movig things up from the basement. Just anything to try and make me look like the bad guy.

I have a meeting with my atty today at 10 a.m. and I am looking forward to it. My H has been difficult with regards to the kids. To answer JT's question on my other post, I plan on taking the kids with me but he says that he want's 50-50 visitation until a SA is signed. I won't allow that and it's going to be hard to fight that with him and keep peace. God, help me.

Luv,

Just wanted to say congrats on the new place!!!!

It's a big step you've taken, you're very brave and strong.

I'm sorry your H is the type of person to act so juvinile regarding visitation/custody with the kids, but I know it'll all work out for you.

Even when things are rough, you can find the positive. Decorating or settling into a new place can be fun and exciting! And just imagine the wonderful life that is coming your way!!!!

Hi Luv,

The main concern I have for you is your children. You are suppose to pick them up today right? I hope he don't try and keep them.

J2

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU!!!

Now follow my directions.

Go to the store and buy you some BRIGHT PAINT and apply to walls!!!

Projects, projects projects...

When I began the projects, night and day... my mind was too full of brilliant colors and lovely decorating to even THINK of the "ugly" memories I left behind!! It felt so good to me. So freeing, so BOLD!! You will not always feel so strong, JT- but you have alrady climbed the TALL MOUNTAIN and its time to

SLIDE DOWN!!!!!! WEEEEE!

And BTW... try to make it as easy as possible for H to see the kids-- for their sake, and FOR YOUR SANITY. It is not worth it to make such a HUGE move and then continue to drag yourself down by rolling in the mud w/H over kids, etc.... try very hard not to let your hurt interfere and keep you hurting.....

BIG HUG and congrats to you lady!

I'm so glad for you, Luv!

Boy, your h is acting like a baby! Ug!

- Kimmy

Enjoy your new place and the start of your new life. H is acting like a brat and I wouldn't let him bring you down. Let your attorney handle him and you working on healing and going on. Take care of those babies and yourself.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Thanks giovanna,

But I did not move I still live at my house; H just does not live there with us. read up on my posts. But I have come a long way and continue to do so. I do still need some advice on several things so I'll post them on my posts ( read up )!!
SDon't mean to thread jack Luv!!

Luv - I am so proud of you!! I know it was hard but exciting at the same time. Don't you feel good about yourself. I know it will be hard with the kids, but you need to get boundaries set by your attny about visitation. They will never be fair on their own. They will try to manipulate you and control your every move and doing it with the kids its the first step - to getting you back into their game. Don't fall for it. Even if he does not get to see them for a while he'll be okay and it may be best.

My H did not get to see the kids for two weeks until we went to court and now we have a schedule that I can live with. It also allowed him to see what it is going to be like with out us, and it gives me control of my life and my actions without worrying about him. Remember CONTROL is what they want, and our H have been doing that all along. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

But now you have been reborn - take charge and go from there! It is not going to be easy, but I am with you - You need as much support as I do and now we have each other!! I am always here for you!!! JUST SHOUT AND I'LL BE THERE!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You are going to be fine LUV, I just know it!!


Love ya,

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Luv,

Praying for you sweetie, glad you are outta there & taking steps to building a new life.

Praying that H will soon stop being difficult & accept that this is a consequence of the game he was trying to play with you.

God can do anything Luv, I am still holding out hope that it is his will for your M to be restored. Maybe this will be the wake up call that he needs. I am praying the same prayer for JT too!

Love ya,

Hey J2 and LUV...

Luv... I knew exactly who I was posting to- and that was YOU..... so ignore my but "DUH" by accidently addressing it to J2!!

AND

J2, honey I DO know your individual story also! I am proud of how you have been taking charge w/H too recently.

I read you ladies' posts all the time and feel I know all of you. Rarely have time to think enough to respond properly so I usually dont much!!

Anyway, Luv, J2 sorry for mix up there!

I know you knew the difference G123! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Much Love to you and yours,

JT

Luv,

I read your happy thought. So glad you got your kids with you. Kids are so precious and if you lose one, it is so painful.

Thanks everyone.

BG, there is no hope for my M to be restored and I am not sure I would want it even if H came crawling back. I sent H snipets of Sunny's emails and titled it "This is the way it should have been" He did not get it. I told him I wish I was able to post something like Sunny and he responded that I had the chance to be Sunny. I can't figure out how that could be, considering that he did NOTHING that Sunny's H did for her.

He did write "Sometimes I never want to talk to
you again, other times I miss you and our family, and realize that I still love you." Honestly that is not enough. I need him to realize that his actions were wrong and he can't or won't do that. I will not go back to a life where I was told I was loved but NOT treated like I was loved. I think the damage has been done, too much water under the bridge and I am ready to move on and be happy.

He said we would have made it if I did not listen to everyone else. Too bad he never listened to me. He also said I pulled away and he had to make decisions on his own. Can't figure that one out either. He decided on his own to go to the hospital twice when she had pre-term contractions even as I begged that he not go. He went to the delivery even though I begged that he not go. Heck, he did not even tell me he was headed to the hospital when she went into labor. I had to find out by doing my little PI work. How in the world is that making decisions on his own because I PULLED away? I was never even given the chance to pull away, he just made his decision on his own.

I guess I should jump boards and go off the the divorced and divorcing board. I am glad it's over. I am tired of trying to make him see my point and what went wrong. He is stubborn and controlling and I do not need that in my life. I am sure his little statement about missing his family and still loving me is nothing more than a control tactic.

I forgot one important thing. I had a meeting with my atty. yesterday. We completed the paperwork for a Limited Divorce and she asked for an Absolute Divorce too. She does not thing we will get the Absolute but wanted to ask for it anyway. Anywho, she filed it with the Court yesterday and H shoudl be served sometime soon.

what is the difference between the two?

I'm happy for LUV--your H is just saying that because he doesn't want to accept responsibility for his actions.

Men have a hard time with that.

See all of us can accept responsibilities for the things we did to contribute to the downfall of the marriage but they can't and that is why our M's aren't working as the rest on here have--there H's I guess are just better than ours.

Luv, how is the decorating going? Do you have everything in place yet? By the way thanks for the faith in my M. Yes we are working hard and it is taking both of us. As long as that continures, we will continue to be closer. But I would have NEVER guessed that we would ever be like we are now. And no we are not perfect. I've been told I have a better heart than most, yes maybe, but no different than anyone here wanting thier M to work. My friends who have NEVER been even close to something like this, yes, maybe. Of course I do have others telling me "Are U CRAZY." But its what I know and feel is right. But like I said we have come a long way and yes we did seperate for 8 months so I know how you feel. God will deal with each and everyone of these men and women who bring so much pain on others. And you can beleive that! I had to find myself and what I wanted and he did also. Seperation was the only way. And beleive me no one here has gotten as dirty and costly as mine. Over 9,000.00 in 8 mnths! Yep and I don't think I would have changed anything! Cause we have seen the worst in each other and now we are offering the BEST we have to each other. And we wouldn't have seen that or felt the way do now if we hadn't gone though all of this. We are no where the end, just the beginning of another chapter. And I feel we will continue to grow together but there is also a thing called the devil and if we let him run things, we end up in places that are not good. We are the only ones that can do what is right and can't make anyone else do what we think is right. Luv, BBG, JT, Albany. Going though the mountain, maybe hard, but you will end up on top, no matter what, trust me!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Good for you!!!! The first day of the rest of your life is today.

I think your husband is an [censored]. You are doing the right thing. How dare he think he can disrespect you so, and then wonder why?

You keep your chin up and move forward. You deserve to be happy!!

Thanks Lynn.

Sunny, the decorating is going well. The place looks better than I expected it would and I still don't have my new sofa. My friend offered me some ideas on using my mom's old furniture and it actually looks nice. I am becoming innovative on finding places for things. I still have some boxes to unpack and I keep moving things from one place to another until I find the perfect spot. I just love it.

I do have faith in your M. You guys are going to be fine, you H is doing what he needs to do, which is making it easier for you to do what you need to do. My H did not understand that. If only he did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Albany,
The difference is a Limited is similar to a legal sep. An Absolute is what happens when everything is final. If I get an Absolute now, I get a final D without waiting a year. At least this is how I understand it but I could always be wrong. How are things going with you?