Hi all!

Just curious, for those of you with NC, do you acknowledge the child's birthday's and/or Christmas with a card or gift? I thought I read at some point that a couple posters here do.

I was just wondering why or why not.

*Not looking to start any contact debates, this is an NC question, and I'm just interested in thought processes. I get a LOT of insite from all of you!!

You know what that is a good question. I think no NC for me would mean NC. I think if you send gifts and things you inevitably give the impression that you want to be a part of the OC's life. This could also cause confusion in your household as well as theirs. It will cause mixed feelings and emotions between all parties. It also depends on if everyone is on the level about what is going on or what the situation really is.

If it could be done with no backlash then it might be okay. However, I think it would be difficult because that would mean you are having some limited contact with OC. Limited contact I think would cause more harm than good.

So I would have to say no - NC means NO CONTACT. So I would have to say no - NC means NO CONTACT.

(just my thoughts so don't get your panties in an uproar - anyone.)

JT

<small>[ September 08, 2004, 01:59 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]</small>

I agree that no-contact means NO contact.

I've heard of absentee parents who buy a card or gift and keep it, but that's not contact; that's a concrete form of the parent's grief, and something to show the child if the child contacts them later.

When we were long-distance, we sent cards and gifts to child, but that is contact. Whether limited contact does more harm than good is debatible, and not the original question.

We have never sent a card or a gift.


OC has ow and her family to see to his birthdays and holidays.

Before we ever met OC------NC was NC----we didn't even know where OW lived & had no desire to.

OW had her life & we had ours.

Now that we have actually HAD a relationship w/ OC but there is NC, we still send letters. The kids want too so there we go. It has not been reciprocated so far but.....as long as my kids want to I will continue this. & even if they didn't I still would.

OC is not forgotten, we welcomed her into our home & family so.....she will forever be in some form. The kids already know she is their sister soooo....why wouldn't I/we?

But, yes, I agree w/ everyone else, if NC is chosen from the beginning----then I believe that means NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER!

If NC is chosen as something temporary, like getting M back on track w/ the agreement or idea that C will be chosen after that..then I could see sending cards & letters until that time.

was wondering the same thing. I am in full NC with my daughter's father but recently he sent me a cheque for her birthday. I am not quite sure how to take that. I took the cheque, have not cashed it yet, but probably will. I have no intention to initiate contact as a result of it though. In the letter that came with it, he mentioned showing her proof of the cheque as a way to show her he did right by her. What's that old saying...money can't buy you love...

meNtheboyz,
Nadda, no cards, money, letters.

twilight, funny you mentioned that "knowing I did right" by that check.... We do right (by law) paying cs/health ins......If it weren't for the "law" oc would get nothing.It is his guilt if anything sending money....

My H's words, not mine.

He wishes someone would write a law to sign away everything for men, just as women get to do, be it drop off a baby at hospital, give up for adoption, abort, whatever....Dad has no say over HIS future, women do.

Nuff said...not meaning to argue, just saying what's been said around here(our home) for 3 1/2 years.

love
Debi
edited to say no matter how an unwanted child came about, fathers should have equal say in what THEY want or don't......What would happen if a man WANTED a child but mom did not? Abortion or above mentioned and NO ONE could tell her a thing....~sheese~ it isn't a "mans world" when it comes to reproduction.

Off on my tangent where I say each situation should be taken into consideration.

A married woman having a married mans child against his wishes should be slapped with child abuse, for the unborn, and the children of the marriage, and the BS and the MM, one sceniario.

It causes undo pain to all including oc who eventually grows uo w/o dad around.

It is inhumane to expect that man who begs for an abortion/adoption to be stuck to an 18- 20 year sentance because the woman says"I can't abort/give up/ my child. Sleeping and boinking doesn't equate wanting fatherhood...it does take two to tango... and some are wiser to the steps of the dance...

Soooooo... NC usually means NC.

<small>[ September 08, 2004, 09:34 PM: Message edited by: gemini1 ]</small>

I agree with your husband about it being guilt...whatever, we sure could use the money so I am going to take it no questions asked. I ran out of money for the lawyer so my court case went all his way and he is barely paying any support...none of it cash. I can't even get medical insurance or medical bills contributed to. I know for most of you the financial stuff is a major hardship...but that is not the case with him. In my instance, he is rich and somewhat well know and has gotten away with a disgusting injustice. Oh and about the men being able to walk away...he insisted I not abort, insisted he would be around etc. A ton of broken promises...so in his case that argument isn't valid. This the man who begged me for years to have his baby. Whatever...guess we all have the capacity for delusion, some more than others, (yes me included).

Wonder if this means I'll get a Christmas check too? Not holding my breath.

<small>[ September 09, 2004, 10:07 PM: Message edited by: twilight ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> twilight, you said it all....my reply combined with yours says it all and more....hey, listen to the Beatles to pick your spirits up.....going on long and loud here especially "money can't but me love" lol...

Sorry about the tangent "yesterday" (another beatles tune)... ow came after an upgrade in cs after our move and after 4 years ~ugh~
So it's been "a hard days night"....
some married women never ever get over being dumped huh? Some friend she was....*geeze*