Talking to H this morning....

He tells me that he and OW did not have to go to mediation over V with OC. I said great, I am happy for you and that it worked out. He said you know why don't you. I said yes becuase I moved out and she no longer had a issue with you taking her to you home. H said yes. I said well glad you got what you wanted. He said what is that supposed to mean? I said nothing, just glad you were able to solve it without upsetting her, I know that is what you wanted. He said that the meidiation was planned before I moved out. I said oh so why didn't you tell me? He said because it was the day before I found out you were moving and I figured why bother at that point. I said ok. The conversation continues.

H: So, tell me the truth does it upset you that we solved the V?
Me: No, why would it? I am happy for you.
H: Because it was in the works and if you would have just hung in a little longer....
Me: If I would have hung in a little longer you would not have solved it so easily and it would have gone to mediation for a month or more. In the meantime I would have had to continue to hang in there and see you go over to her place. I would have had to continue to hurt everytime you walked out that door and watched all the progress I made go up in smoke.
H: But we started mediation.
Md: It should have been started the same month she was born so that by now it would be over with and in the interm something better would have been done.
H: Is this what you really want?
Me: What are you referring to?
H: You know what.
Me: The Divorce?
H: Yes
Me: Yes, this is what I want. I am finally at peace. I am not worried about where you are or who you are with. I love my place and I look forward to going there everynight. I am happy.
H: slience
H: for what it's worth, I really miss you.
Md: Well...uh...thank you...I guess...I don't know what to say...

While rubing your index finger against your thumb, tell him
"This is the world's smallest violin playing just for you!"!! LOL!

Keep living that happy life Luv!

Luv,

What the he!! kind of handbook are these fools reading? I mean you have just summed up the same dam# conversation I had with my fool H! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
They honestly wanted us to just sit and be patient while they work things over with OW about OC. I still don't believe that my H has even done that. He swears the day that I changed the locks that he'd told her that he was going home to his wife and kids and was going to support the OC but that was it! Funny this did not happen until you found out that you could not come home. I still think it was all a lie. I bet if I were to pass by there now he would still be living at her place! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

But I am at home with my beautiful children loving life and not having to worry about where he is and what he's doing and who with!! I am able to come and go as I please not having to answer to anyone. I don't have to listen to the lies that they constantly tell. I pray that this is what is in God's plan for my life and I go on!

But I swear they have been reading the same Dam* Book. Is this just a stupid man thing! Do they really expect us to believe the garbage that they are feeding us. I guess so because we have for so long. My H is whinning about coming home and wanting his family now daily - He has resorted to calling family members to ask them to call me. But I did notice last night that he has really turned on the heat the closer it gets to my CS check arriving at my house. Boy I am sure that really hits the wallet - especially since he only offered to pay me 500.00.

It is funny the klengths they will go to - to win us back, but why the heck couldn't they do this stuff to keep us or just make the M better for all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Sorry Luv, I just could not believe it when I read this post. I mean they are almost saying the same things word for word!!

JT

Must say that this was predictable but you know if you don't want them back then don't take them back and besides we all know they still would have more work to do and you LUV would need to continue as you are even if you worked on things because you can't believe it until they prove for a lenght of time.

They are such turds.

So I will add my own funny to this from my conversations w/H last night. H calls--I answer

H: HI
Me: Hi
H: That guy called and wants me to take himt he truck tomorrow evening. I will come work on it tomorrow.
Me: Okay. Good--that will be some money to replace the 600.00 hundred you spent last week and then told for a transmission. Why did you call and what did you want?
H: UHHHHH--I wanted to make sure son was goign to daycare and then I have him tomorrow evening.
Me: Nothing has changed since we last spoke about this plan.
H: okay
Me: I'm gonna go now, Bye.
H: pause--silence--Uh okay

HEHEHEHHE--then call friend back and chat with them--a few minutes passes and call waiting begins beeping--it is H--turned off my cell and kept chatting --he must have called a dozen times. It then stopped because he was at work.

Finish talking to friend--about 1/2 hour later phone rings--didn't even look at caller ID before answering--though it was my mom calling--not but had answered.

H: I tried calling--were you online or something?
Me: Yeah
H: I was driving to work via xxx route and wanted to tell you not to drive that way when you go take care of your horse tonight because accident has road closed.


OKAY really lookign for an excuse to call. Don't do my horse at night but on my lunch hour--he knows that and I always drive the other way to the barn anyway--he knows that also <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Me: okay thanks.
H: make sure you don't stay out to late when I have son--have to bring him by at 8:00am Sat. because I have safety meeting.
ME: you have him after that too for Saturday night.
H: I will have to bring him over Sun. morning at 5:00am.
Me: I know you have to work Sunday. You assume I'm some wild women party animal?
H: Well it is Friday night and I'm sure you ar going out with xxxx friend.
Me: You are assuming.
H: No I'm not.
Me: well you are because you said I'm sure you going out with xxxx friend. You obviously don't know me very well. (thinking to myself I don't have to do that and hello you are jealous.)
Me: Well I need to go now-bye.
H: bye

all this because I quite initating any calls to him and because I'm free for two nights and because i haven't said I love you nor have I cared to talk to him and he could tell.

MEN--what can I say--they are much the same.

Oh man I just love it!!! You girls are doing GREAT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> They pitch fits all week and on the weekend, knowing ya'll are going out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Be all nice a sweet and OMG MY WIFE has her own life! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Well it gave me chill bumps to see you all doing so good w/ it. These men will one day wake up and see life for what it is. Too short to play all the games. Keep being strong all of you and you will come out on top! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Shoot even if everyone of you sit at home and do your toe nails, I wouldn't let them know!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

no kidding! Speaking of toenails--I need to paint mine--I bet my H will call me tonight. he says he won't and doesn't care what I do--but it saying that proves to me he does--if he didn't care he wouldn't say that or had that little convo with me last night about going out--I have made a vow not to ask what he is doing anymore--I want to know but have to act non interested.

That's so good!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> But seriously, we are not playing games girls, we have to mean it! We can not allow them to control our every move. We are standing up for ourselves and taking back our lives. the decisions that we make from now on only effect our well beings and the well being of our children. We have stood by waiting for them to make decisions for too long now and now is our time to make a go.

So don't fall for any [censored] ladies we need to band together and remain strong! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Luv, I am in your same shoes so keep it up - TOUGH LOVE! MOVING ON TO A BETTER YOU!!

Albany, you are doing okay, but step it up a notch don't talk to him at all. If he has an emergency with your son he can leave that message on the machine just check it everytime he calls - or tell him to do just leave a message.

The less contact you have the better for you to gain control of your life.

Thinking out loud,

and thanks Sunny for the confidence in us!

JT

Sunny thanks. We are all trying. For me it's not much of an act anymore, it is coming pretty naturally. I may lay it on thick at times just to get my point across but I really could care less what he does with his time, who he does it with, what he thinks, or if he misses or still loves me.

I have a bachlorette party to attend this weekend. Waho, going to let my hair down. Well, just a little. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT--I wasn't going to answer his calling he can leave a message at home if it is an emergency or he can leave a voicemail on my cell phone--It will annoy him and bother him and make him think to no end--he won't admit it initially but I know because I don't see it being any different than last fall when he had to parent by himself and then admitted how much he hated not having a family--right now in his eyes he still has a family when he wants/needs it but by making him parent by himself it begins to start the wake up process.

This weekend will do a lot of good--might not see the benefits of it any time so but it will do a lot of good and make take several times of this do really see big improvements.

Girlzzzzzz I am SO PROUD of all of you!!! You are doing the only thing you can at this point!! Oh I have sooooooooooooo been there and you know what-- it is so good once you begin to stop caring and caring more for YOU (and the little ones) and H just a sidenote.

Yes we are all too old for games.. HOWEVER, I have always been an advocate of playing ye old game right back when nothing else works. Its your MOVE now! And I know exactly what you mean about really not caring that much, truly.

I know its some really bad no-no and a LB and a bad wife thing but HEY I got my man back by letting him know I WAS YOUNG, BEAUTIFUL, SMART AND GOSH DARNIT I WAS OUT ALL WEEKEND WITHOUT YOUR BUTT! (and even when I was home- I pretended I was out all weekend- ha!)

He went out of his friggin mind when I moved and that was the icing. Sometimes they just have to FINALLY feel the loss, not the unconditional love....

I will NEVER forget my H looking at me while I was crying, laying in a pile on the couch "dying" and looking and acting pathetic and all that-- and H says- "I just want you to think you are ALL THAT again" I could not believe how much this affected me from that point on!!!!

Boy oh boy was that the best thing he could have EVER said to me. He was bascially in that little statement saying that I not attactive to him anymore cause I was losing control of ALL of my pride and became a weeeeepy weak loser.

- so I changed all that and made him eat his words- wink wink.......

YOU GO GIRLS you keep this up- and if you don't catch H's attention.. you just might find yourself not caring or (dare I say this) someone else will find you irresistable!!!! LOL!

G123,

You are so right in your last statement! Others do begin to show interest in a positve and confident woman - even your H. They also look at you differently because you become the fighting woman and confident woman that they married and wanted/chased.

But unfortunately for them it may all be for someone else now, they had their chances and blew them all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

JT

Well J2 I DID want to say what you said aboutu someone else but I was "scared" to get blasted cxz this IS a marriage building site! HA HA!

On another note.. I was thinking today about you and Luv and Albany having little ones. I respect you soooo much because I know how hard it was to even interact w/my son who was 13 when this began. The little ones take so much energy and attention. Although I'm sure their sweet little faces do help take your mind off things at times- whereas my son was too old to want to cuddle and have mom hold him while she was sad!

J2- I cant believe you have a 1 and 2 year old! WOW you are amazing....

Luv & JT,

I am not the least bit surprised that your H's r tripping out & calling you two or telling your family JT, with all their, declarations of love & I want you back, what about our family CRAP. You know the old saying "you dont' miss your water....." well now they r living it.

I am so proud of both of you for standing your ground, I will never understand y it takes filing for a D or moving out to wake these thick headed men up & usually by the time this happens us women r done & over them.

I went thru the exact same thing 20 yrs. ago w/ my 1st H, the phone calls, & dropping by unannounced to see "his son", (who was about 15 months old at the time), when he really just wanted to see me & try & figure out if I was seeing anyone. After I filed for a D, one day he asked me to go for a ride w/ him & while we were talking actually cried big tears about how he didn't want to lose his family & begged me to take him back, but it was too late, way too late.

I still pray that both of your M's can be restored but you have to do what you have to do. Stay strong ladies, loving your new attitudes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Albany - You are doing great, but I would also cut down on the converstation w/ H unless they r absolutely necessary, really make him miss you & have a glimpse of what D will be like since he claims he is so done. You stay strong too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love you girls!

Thanks BBYG,

I am going to live my life without him. I still believe in miracles and am hoping for one for us, but I am afraid that it is too late. I do not want OC involved in my life at all. I still believe that NC is the way for my family. I do not want the reminder ever to be in my face on a daily or semi yearly whatever basis. Not saying that I am not capable of loving or caring but the fact that OW would be in our lives forever repulses me to no end. She new and lied to be with him - How could another woman do that to another. I surely couldn't.

I know that my H wants to be apart of this childs life or at least I assume as such because he gave this child our last name and probably signed the birth certificate I don't know. That type of betrayal will never be forgotten. He even did things for her during this pregn and birth that he never did with ours. That hurts to the max and I am suppode to believe that he still loves us and wants to be with only us.

How? I think he has taken this beyond a point of reconciliation. So I will have to live on and have faith that GOD knows what is best for me and my kids.

I don't think my H really knows what means to LOVE someone or to even genuinely be loved. How could he he has never had that before me. I have finally learned that I can not change him only GOD can.

JT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think he has taken this beyond a point of reconciliation. So I will have to live on and have faith that GOD knows what is best for me and my kids.

I have finally learned that I can not change him only GOD can. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JT,

I so agree with what you are saying & you know your H better than anyone & what you need from him in order for your M to be restored. Yes only God can change him, I feel the same way & I too tried for way too long to do a job that was never mine to begin with.

As long as you continue to let God lead you, you will be fine, better than fine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I hope you guys are right about god being able to change our H's--but will god if our H's are not religious.

H had our son overnight on Friday--I'm having to go dark because right now he hates me--why I don't know but you can see it in his eyes. Said yesterday that we should have never gotten married etc--we have always been wrong for each other coming up on our 9th wedding anniversary in a few weeks <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

So I think my heart will never give up but my head has nearly and this not calling him thing usually isn't hard for me but it is right now.

Girls I want to be loved by him so badly.

Thinking of all of you thanks BBYG. Said a big prayer for all of us last night and hope it gets answered.

LUV how are doing and how was your weekend?