Update.

Husband and I took trip to find Daughter. I was quiet most of the trip. I decided to mention why I had cried the night before. I said it was partially because of my daughter being missing and partially because husband was so cold.

Night before.I had touched husband fondly on the forehead while we were watching a movie. He complained and said I should not touch him while he is watching a movie. So I went to lay on couch. He did talk me into comeing to bed with him before the night was over.

So we are in the car and I mention it. He says that I only care about what I feel, that I should care that he does not want to be touched while watching a movie. I like to snuggle while watching a movie. He said if I want somebody to touch me everyday that I need to find somebody else. He tells me he has somebody he can go live with. I ask if he wants her. He says no. He says but if we break up I will go to her. I ask why would you go to somebody you don't want? I feel hurt and unloved. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> So I cry. I am in the car so I can't go nowhere. He threatens to turn around. I beg him not to. We are almost to our destination. It is a 5 hour drive. He does not turn around. We drive a little further. He tells me to call my first husband. I do. He does not like it that I am pushing too many buttons when I could just push one button. So he grabs the phone from me and I try to grab it back because I was almost at the number. He takes the phone and hits me in the chest with it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He says he's turning around again. I beg him not too. He listens but says we are breaking up when we get home.

We get to my first husbands home. My daughter called her PaPa while we are there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Then we head home. I try and be quiet. He starts talking about Daughter and everyting we did wrong. He is placing blame on my family and me for daughter running away. I tell him to please stop talking that I need peace and quiet. So we drive on in Silence. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Then OW calls. She tells him that her plug came out. She asks was he at a nightclub because of the music in the car. He tells her he is going home. He says he is taking care of business. He hangs up. I have to explain to husband what it means for a pregnant woman to lose her plug. She calls back a few minutes later. She wants to know where he is. She tells him she is in pain. He gets angry and cusses her out. He hangs up. I ask why he cussed her out. He said because she wants to know where I am. He says he ain't no kid. That he hates that. I say, she acts like she is in some relationship with you that she wants to know where you are. He starts to lose his cool with me. I say, I don't mean you, I mean she thinks that. He is OK then. He says he don't know why she thinks that.

We go home. We go to bed together but I hug the edge of my bed not wanting to touch somebody who don't love me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Next day I tell him I don't want him touching me. He touches me and acts like he gonna rape me. I tell him if he do, it is rape, so he don't. Then he says if he wanted it bad enough he would take it. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I tell him that night, he is a taker, I am a giver, and I am tired. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ September 13, 2004, 01:15 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Genia,

I am going to try and keep my cool here, but it is mighty hard to. WTF are you thinking? Are you going through a temporary insanity plea or what? It does not take a rocket scientist to tell you you need to leave that fool alone!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

He is just an idiot. I don't mean to come down on you (yes I do! ), YOU NEED A WAKE UP CALL!!. HE is not going to get any better. He has no respect for you and will hurt you sooner or later. Hitting you with the phone is only the beginning, and probably not the first time he's done something like that! Why are you still with this fool! He doesn't care about you or the OW
does he? He talks to her any kind of way - he talks to you any kind of way. Both of you allow it! He!! if I could treat someone the way he treats the two of you and they allowed it. I probably woulg continue to do it until something stopped me ( of course I would never do it because I believe you reap what you sow)!

Genia let it go! Actually you don't even have to let it go because you don't have anything! This is not a M. This is a (I don't even know what you would call this). I know you appreciate me being blunt and to the point, but If my H did this blatent stuff, he's not even lying to you he's telling you this to your face - I would be gone! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Why are you taking this shyte!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I might be in jail if I had to deal with this!
Genia come on you are old enough to know that this is not what GOD has in store for you!! Praying about it and maybe you have been getting your answers and you are just not doing anything about it. If you are praying and it keeps getting worse GOD might be telling you something, but since you have other plans you may not be listening. I don't see anything productive coming out of this man's mouth - so what love are you hanging on to because he definately has not shown that he has any for you. You may have some for him but that's it that's where the line is drawn!

Genia, LET IT GO!!
Are you going to live in fear of hurting him when he doesn't give a DAM* about hurting you. Getting physical will only escalate.

gotta go, I am SORRY,

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

genia,

JT took the words right out of my mouth.

please contact a domestic violence counseling center and get some help/advice.

I'm here to help any way I can.

Hey Genia,

I agree with JT, let it go. It is obvious that he is a selfish pig, and doesn't care about anybody but himself. Maybe u don't see it because u don't want to see it, or believe it...perhaps u may be feeling that if u let this go, you have failed....DON"T LOOK AT IT THAT WAY....look at it as your blessing in disguse...look at it as God's way of telling u & showing u that this is not right for you...it is time to move on...surely u deserve better. You seem like a very sweet, sincere, and caring person, and alot of times unfortunately people take our kindness for weakness. Let go, and let God....u don't have to do anything else, God will take care of it for u if u would just let him...I am a firm believer in you reap what you sow...your husband, as unfortunate as it sounds will get his JUST REWARD. Have faith in yourself, love yourself, and do U for a change. Stop letting H control u and your thoughts. U can do this Genia! Be strong.

Is this man your hero?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. He complained and said I should not touch him while he is watching a movie.

2. He said if I want somebody to touch me everyday that I need to find somebody else.

3. He tells me he has somebody he can go live with.

4. He says but if we break up I will go to her.

5. He threatens to turn around. I beg him not to.

6. He tells me to call my first husband.

7. So he grabs the phone from me and I try to grab it back because I was almost at the number.

8. He takes the phone and hits me in the chest with it.

9. He listens but says we are breaking up when we get home.

10. He starts talking about Daughter and everyting we did wrong.

11. He is placing blame on my family and me for daughter running away.

12. She tells him she is in pain. He gets angry and cusses her out. He hangs up.

13. He starts to lose his cool with me.

14. He touches me and acts like he gonna rape me.

15. Then he says if he wanted it bad enough he would take it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What part of this is the man who is your hero? The man who loves, respects and protects you? What part of this man is a masculine role model for your children?

This man is NOT your father..... you CAN get away from WH's abuse..... you are no longer the little girl being abused by her Daddy.... NOW you are a grown woman who chooses to stay in this situation.

Pep

PS .... adding this.....

This is not about the affair and the OC.....

Is your WH a man who even ~likes~ women?

Does he love and respect ~any~ woman in his life?

Pep

Genia...please take care of yourself. He isn't safe for you to be around...I know, I've been there. Got hit with a few cell phones myself...and my H tried to rape me...I think he would have succeeded too if my daughter hadn't walked in. I know how hard it is to do something...the fear is overwhelming. But hear this, please...this is NOT your fault. Nothing you do can change his behaviour. Get out..get help. Do it before it is too late.

Genia,

My heart hurt when I read your post. I'm sorry...but how can you allow him to treat you like this? You deserve better.

I had been in an abusive relationship before meeting my current husband and know how it feels. Eventually, you have to stand up for yourself and not take the abuse anymore.

First of all THOSE comments that Pepperband highlighted and then some are CONTROL tactics.

He is trying to control you, he wants to threaten you and hold over your head something you want(getting to your daughter) to make you bend to his will and do whatever he wants at the time- then later bring it back up to say in the car you agreed to it.

Do you see HE gets you to do something by making you agree to his way (even if only temporarily on you part) and will expect it from then on.

He is using his threat of taking it(rape) as a way to control you.

DO you want to live with this man controling you and your children?

Do you want to get controled and then once you get out of control (in his opinion) get put back with a nice slap or punch?
because after the abusive words thats whats next the beatings first you then the KIDs (your daughter) HE will show you and your family how its done to make your daughter act right......his way (hell maybe she ran away because of her home life with him in it) I dont know the facts; I just put the thought out there. so forgive me if i am totally wrong on that one.

<small>[ September 13, 2004, 09:13 PM: Message edited by: Cordelia ]</small>

Genia, I know the man you describe... one who treats you like a joke- an complete a**.

This man should not so much as receive a crum from the floor from you....

Do you think as a Christian, that this is what God wants/has planned for Genia- you think he wants to watch his daughter, Genia in pain and letting a man treat you so cruel and like she is nothing? This is not God's plan, God is SHOWING you the answers and you are not listening.

Please Genia- pray so hard for God to take this man from your life, to give you the strength and show you the love you need to live your life the way he intends for you. This is a waste of your precious young life. You ARE still young Genia, your possibilities are endless. Do you want to wake up even 1, 2- 5 years from now stuck looking out your window longing for peace of mind and the kindness of someone with a heart?

I am so sad for you- get up and brush your shoulders off Genia, you are allowing this man to rob you of your health, your smile, your soul.

Forget the things that make you hold on- whatever they are- they are in the PAST, he is mean to you and he is the equivalent to a movie villian. This is not a movie, Genia, and he is not the real deal- snap out of his evil spell and find your yourself-hang w/ your kids-find a hobby- walk or exercise in your room to the radio-- YOU WILL find a new love- visit your family or friends- you will be happy once he leaves... you are NOT living Genia. THIS IS NOT LIVING- and YOU ARE ALIVE DAM***!!!!!!

I am so sad for you because I know so well this type of man. (((Genia))) YOU CAN DO IT!

<small>[ September 13, 2004, 10:34 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

Oh my gosh, genia, I agree with the others. I hope you're getting help. No one deserves this.

A prayer,
J

Hi you guys,

You are all right. I was in an abusive situation before him with a man much worse than him. This man knocked me to the floor when we were only dating. I wanted to break it off, but when I tried he threatened my life. I was scared. So for fear of my life I married him. Now the husband I am with now is becoming abusive too. It has been so gradual that I feel in love with him before I realized he was controling me. He used to tell he owned me and I would think he was joking. Now I beleive he really beleives that. Now it is hard because I love him but I am tired of him treating me like I am nothing to him. I am going to talk to an abuse counseler about this. It breaks my heart because I wanted it to work so bad. I know I talked to the woman he was married to before me. She told me he beat on her all the time. She tried to make him do right. I only ask him to do right. But he is starting to be abusive to me for insignificant reasons now.

<small>[ September 14, 2004, 08:38 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Genia, I'm curious about your 2 young sons? Are they H's sons? How do they feel about all of this? Do they live with you?

Hi Giov,

My kids are by the husband before him who makes my current husband seem mild in comparison. Like comparing the Wolf to the house dog. Anyhow, probably why I overlook a lot of stuff. My current husband is so much better than my last husband. But he does not make me feel good about myself. I left my last husband looking for something different, something better. He is milder in his abuse, but not what I was looking for. I guess in a way, my kids know he don't make me happy but know sometimes he makes me happy. They recognize that he husband loses his cool sometimes, but also does good things for us like clean the house, cut the grass, and carrys my kids places they need to go.

<small>[ September 14, 2004, 09:34 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

You need to get this man the hell out of your life. YOU are far to good for this garbage. Good lord woman, you are so nice, so kind, so full of feelings. Let this loser go, focus on healing your self esteem, raise your boys and go and grab life by the horns. YOU MATTER.

Let the ow have him. Sounds like she deserves him and you are to good for him. Let her get hit and abused. YOU MOVE ON.

Well Lynne,

I didn't have too. He left because I have feelings. He said everything was always about my feelings. He did not wanna talk. I said you talk to other people and you force me to talk to other people and we can't get close. They don't wanna talk to us because they don't wanna deal with our hurt. I told him it hurt that he shared a baby with another woman. He said well it happened so we got to deal with it. I said well I want to visit OC with you. Be a man and tell OW I am coming with you. He said you are not gonna control me. So then he said he hates me and he was gonna leave . I said, if you are gonna leave then why not do it now. He said OK and he left.

G, (((HUGS)))) I'm so sorry for your pain. I really am. But today may just be the BEST day of your life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> He has made his bed. Let him go lie in it. Today we start on finding G! Did you give him the PB letter? Just think if he's gone and you know that he has made his choice to say w/ the OW then its time to move on w/ yours. I think that is what the plans are for anyway. Getting to a point where you can either go on w/ your M or your life. Either way YOU are the winner, not him. He's lost it, and no you must do what you need to do. Do you have kids together? If so you call the attorney NOW, get your b-hind covered. If hes going to school and doesn't work, well guess what GET A JOB! And there is a thing call all-i-money (LOL) So do some checking today and lets get on to making G the best she can be. He doesn't know what a wonderful, loving person he HAD. And thats fine years from now living in his lies he will think you know I screwed up big time. And if you don't belieive read the books almost 80 % of these situations end up them being sorry! So we don't need to think about him and their baby we need to think about G and getting on with your life, the life that you so deserve to be happy, loved, and admired by someone who truely loves G and no one else. Look at JT, LUV, and Albany! Man they are so much better off then a month ago and you will be too. We are here for you!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Genia,

U were thinking about putting him out anyway, so he made it easier on you. He was not planning on even considering your needs in all this so it is better this way.

Plan b his butt, cuz I have a feeling he won't be gone long b4 he finds out OW isn't all that & comes crawling back.

God will see you thru this & you will be better than ever.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Genia}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

P.S. I wrote u an email

{{{{{{{{{{{{{genia}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi you guys,

I am making it. Felt a little lonely. Got used to cuddling next to his warm body but I will be OK. I got my restraining order but got to wait till Monday for judge to sign it. His Stepmom thinks he is missing me. Anyhow I told her it will be a while before I could let him back(if ever) or nothing would change. I called him because he has one of my cars and I want it back. He said living with me was like being in prison. Hello Luv, remember your husband said the exact same words. Are they reading from the same book or what. Thought of roomate but know it would be too much hassle. I am thinking of selling one of my cars, getting a bartending license. Something he said I could not do. I can make me some money that way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />