Good for you Genia--stay strong--any word on a new job?

HUGS--thinking of you.

Hi Albany,

Thanks for your thoughts. I took my kids to their Dads last night. Restraining order is not in effect till Monday. He came by my house while I was out. He set off the alarm. He called my cell thinking I would give him the new code. I did not. He called and I let him come by later to get some clothes. He knocked on the door. I was silent and sad. Hard to look at him because he still looks good to me. He tells me he will come back tommorrow and get everything else so he won't have to come back. Then he looks in my car after loading some clothes and finds some of his paperwork with his Social Security Number on it. He asks why that was in my car. I told him that I used it for the protection order. He then told me what comes around goes around. I told him I was not trying to hurt him but that I was just protecting myself. After that I called the abuse hotline. I told them that I did not know if I could go through with the protection order because it would make him angry. She told me that he is still trying to control me by threatening me and that this was only to protect me. She also told me I put myself in a vulnerable position by allowing him to come get his clothes. I said I know. Now this morning I am all alone and it's kinda scary to me. I am so glad I got all you guys for support. I started feeling sad that I did not get to see a picture of the baby that is innocently causing all the conflict between us. I thought of asking for a picture but wonder if a picture would cause me more pain. I do not know. I feel confused, hurt, and thrown away that he would let me go so easily just because I did not want him in her house. And because I wanted to be a Mom to his daughter.

Genia
This baby is not causing this conflict, your husband and you are. He with his abuse and you allowing it. Don't you see if he had already found a place to stay, he had been planning on leaving. He just manipulated the situation to make you believe you caused it.

Of course the order of protection is going to make him mad because it will take the control away from him. You need it. You need to get in control of your life.

You need to be more concerned about your daughter and sons than this man and his child. Can you see how much your daughter is hurting? She couldn't get you to hear so she ran to get your attention.

You are accepting of his behavior by rationalizing that he's not as bad as your first husband. That's like saying the brown recluse spider left so the rattlesnake is not so bad! They're both deadly and comparing the two is not productive in reasoning why you would continue to tolerate this behavior.

It's disgusting how he treats both you and ow, but what is worse is what he's doing to these children! You're just as responsible as he is if you allow it. You don't need a picture of this child-she has nothing to do with you. You need to focus on your children instead and getting your lives in order. End this chaos and allow the restraining order to be signed.

If this continues you'll learn the real meaning of he!!...and by the way, ow wasn't lovebusting. This man has no love for anyone...

<small>[ September 19, 2004, 08:25 PM: Message edited by: jph ]</small>

Ouch!

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:57 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Hi,

I think it is wrong to label somebody. All this is in the past. He is trying to get his life together. He did make a mistake by cheating on me but then so did I. I do not have the same values as you. I do not care about money. All I care about is that he love me, but he is not doing very good at showing it. It is harder than it seems. I have taken control of my boys. Raising kids alone is not easy. He has done stuff to get them to be more independent. It is not all bad. He started yelling at them lately, that is why I told him I am takeing over. My mom has seen good things in him trying to teach my kids to be more independent. When he came in my life, I was dressing my kids and everything because they were lazy. They are 9 and 10. Now they dress themselves. They also have chores. What is so wrong with that?

Please Genia listen to everyone here and get out. Leave, find that peace you need. JT hit the nail on the head. Please Genia find it within yourself to leave. I promise, it gets easier and way better than living in he!!.

Hi Luv,

I know I should but right now it is hard. He needs me right now. He has to go to court tommorrow. I am not sure what they will do with him. He is being sued for child support and he doesn't have a job. He says he has been looking. He is going to school but started looking for a job when his ex-wife sued for child support. This child is about 7 years old. So he has a lot on his plate right now.

Your 15 year old daughter that is not listed on the bottom of your posts is from your first marriage? The two sons are his or from another marriage or are they the children of your current husband? He has a 7 year old. Does this child stay with you on visitation weekends? Do you have a picture of this child? Now he has another child and no job! What's the appeal with this guy? He abuses you and your children. He neglects his other two children. You both have cheated on each other. While I too have lived with an alcohol abuser in the past and understand it's very difficult, this one is a no brainer. Forget the money, forget the full plate, just the sheer fact that this man is no more than a breeder, he contributes nothing to society except a drain. You're not dependent on him for any reason. Going to school is not as important as taking care of his children. They can't wait until he finishes school to eat! How does he expect them to survive? I feel sorry for your children. Someone needs to contact child protective services. Sounds like Jerry Springer to me.

Hi,

My two sons are from my second marriage. His second wife will not allow him to visit his 7 year old son. He has tried to get a job. That I know. He has a record and we live in a county with the highest unemployment rate in the state. Our state has a high unemployment rate. This I know is not his fault. I have myself seen times it took me six months to get a job and I have a college education. I have taken over with my kids. He is not to discipline them anymore. I am not an alcohol abuser. I only drank when he left for those two nights. I cheated while he was in prison for six months. I intended only to talk to this guy because I was so lonely. I have no female friends. At that time I did not understand that talking was an affair. My hormones got out of control and I regret I cheated. I felt terrible the moment it happened. He cheated to get revenge. I think we are both human and we made a terrible mistake. He can be more, that is why he is going to school to be a drug abuse counselor. If he can get people off drugs then he can help society. His kids eat. His second wife remarried. He can't make people hire him. I take good care of my children. They lack for nothing. Child Protective Services my [censored]. I try and keep the drama away from my kids. Jerry Springer maybe.