As you may know my H has been saying that he misses me and wants me back. He has said he is sorry and will do what I need. Well, it's still under his methods. Another friend said that I mentioned a few things that I should not have and said a few things the wrong way. I probably did and this is the outcome.

H and I had a conversation last night about him wanting me back. What he needs to do and what he needs from me. Well, he had a fairly long list of things I need to change about myself. He also said that I act self-righteous.

My thing is that much of what he says he needs from me I don't want to do or I just feel like I can't. I feel like I can't live up to his expectations. As you read, I think it will become more clear what I am referring to.

I don't think I can do it nor do I want to do it. He started B****ing about how I don't clean enough, how I waste time when I am cleaning and don't get enough accomplished and how I don't accept criticism. Thing is there is nothing wrong with our house. Many people come and comment about how they can't believe I can keep it up, work full time and take care of kids. I can't live up to his standards and I really don't want to have to try. I am a nervous wreck when it comes to the house. I worry that "ooh I missed this or that or I better pick this up before he sees it" And to top it off he does nothing to help. He leaves his stuff laying around for me to pick-up like I am his maid. He does not see that with me working, making dinner, doing homework, etc. that it is difficult to get it done. Not to mention to spend time with HIM. You know, he needs his SF and Lord forbid I am a bit tired. He has never once done the grocery shopping. Anytime I need something to be picked up after work for dinner I have to do it. If I ask him there are a ton of reason why he can't and he gets home over an hour before I do.

So, let me get this straight, I am a maid and a sex slave. Just put the shackles on me and put me up for sale. He does not see anything wrong with spending all weekend cleaning the house instead of spending time with the kids. I can't and don't want to live like that anymore. Is that wrong of me? Is it wrong that I don't want to meet his ENs or feel that he is asking too much in them?

Then he got on me about how I don't DECORATE the HOUSE. How I have let things go. How I still have not ordered bar stools. Ahh, one I can't decide (but that is a huge black mark against me in his eyes and HIS parents eyes), I was waiting to have a little extra money and frankly, I was not sure how long I intented on staying so I did not want to spend MY MONEY to buy them. I am so tired of hearing about how I did not decorate enough. He said, you still did not get drapes for the family room. I told him I was waiting for him to finish the crown molding and for us to get the new carpet. He said you don't have to wait for that. The crown has nothing to do with it. In my eyes it DOES. The drapes are the dressing and I think it should be the last thing to go in. But NOOOO I am wrong.

As for the criticism. I am so tired of it. I am tired of CONSTANTLY being told that I do this or that wrong. I am tired of how his way is better. There are times I do accept his ADVICE when it's something I am not good at doing and he is. Like painting. However, when he tells me to do something a certain way because he feels HIS WAY is better and my way is fine but just not his way. Make sense? His mother bought us this little hanging thing that had 9 Things for a Happy Marriage. One of them is IF you have to criticise, do it LOVINGLY. IF is one of the key words and LOVINGLY is the other. If means you should not do it all the time. He does.

To top it off. I tell him some of the other things I need from him beside the OC issue. Guess what I get? A million excuses as to why he does it and why he won't stop. Example. Stop treating the kids so harshly. His response "Well, they need it at times. I only did it once. (not so) I am not going to have them walk all over me like they do you. He is down right mean to them. They get scared of him and I don't like that. It makes me a nervous wreck.

Oh, and I mentioned repenting. His comments I WILL NOT REPENT FOR ANYONE. I will do what you need because you need it but I will NOT REPENT!

I also mentioned that he needs to seek counseling for his control issues and the emotional abuse. He said that I abuse him too. He asked how do I abuse you? I said it's a lot of little things that add up and some big things too. Guess what he is doing? The same darn thing he says that I do. He is not accepting my criticism and then finding fault in me.

I GIVE UP. I have had it and I CAN'T and WON'T live my life like this anymore. I won't live walking on egg shells for fear the house is not up to his liking, for fear that I wasted time, for fear that I did not decorate enough, for fear that I got up-set because he criticised something that I felt was not justified. It's not worth it and he is not worth it. I have been so relaxed in my own place. It's neat and clean (oh he made the comment that it's because it's only been a week) and I am happy to keep it that way.

AUGH

Am I wrong? He said that everything I want is one sided. He may be right, I am not sure. My C said that's the abuse part, they try to make us feel that anytime we ask for something it's too much or that we have to give something too.

Yes, I have asked him to do a lot. I also feel that he needs to show me his improvements first. Is that wrong? The other night he went to OW's house to see OC. He knows it upsets me. He even lied about why he called my cell phone instead of my new home #. Then I asked why he called from his cell and he told me where he was at. You would think he would try to show me that he will make those changes. I just see him continuing the contact in one way or another.

Augh. I am so frustrated.

Hi Luv,

I am convinced and I know you convinced yourself. You do not need him and you are better without him. You are doing great.

Wow... After reading that I'd have to say I agree with the last poster. You are better off where you are now. I wouldn't want to live like that either, the constant walking on eggshells. My H has a high SF need, but he gives me no grief about house work. He admits he doesn't carry his load there and has no room to complain. I have actually backed off on being such a neat freak because my counselor told me it wasn't good for you. She said let the dishes sit for a while and go take your daughter to the park. That is what really matters in life, taking care of yourself.

Luv, you deserve so much more than this. Let her have his BS. I bet she is desperate enough to keep him around that she won't mind taking it. For a while at least... lol, till she realizes what a booby prize she got!

I hope your kiddo's sweet faces are helping you through this, I know my D's face helps lift me up when I'm down.

LUV--gotta say that he isn't to a point where you could go back--not yet anyway--maybe he will get there eventually but right now where near it--he doesn't want it bad enough yet to see the changes he need to make--maybe he never will. Sorry for the run on.

It takes two and I'm not seeing two in this yet.

Better off where you are at for the time being and maybe forever.

Stay strong--even my jerk H met me in the middle on alot of things. I'm thinking your H doesn't respect you right now and so stay where you are.

I'm a little confused......You are separated & I thought in plan b except that you are communicating anyway...? oh well no matter.


The thing is......all of this is just FLUFF! It ALL sounds so trivial. Your REAL issues are the A & then how to deal w/ OC. ALL the rest of this is just fluff to distract from the real issues.

For example, I don't care if you were a real slob----no reason to go have A. See what I mean?

The main thing-if he truly wants to save his marriage, is to go to some marriage counseling TOGETHER. ( & of corse stick to the groudn rules about OC & visits)

Your H is being very prideful & hard-hearted, not willing to repent--???---whoa, better watch out---he might get struck by lightning if he keeps talking that way.LOL

All those things are just secondary idiosyncrosys, little irritations maybe...that wouldn't even bother us if we had the BIG things in our life in order. I mean come on-what IDIOT gets D becuase thier house isn't clean enough?

Dr. Laura says...whoever it is MOST important too---should do it. Like if it is soooo important to H to have a freaky clean house--then he should do it or hire someone else to. There's your answer to that.

My H & I used to argue ALL the time about the 'state' of our home. He hated it being messy but willfully contributed to the mess on a regular basis but expected me to just be the maidservice! AND I had a new-born @ the time! Talk about some unreaslistic expectations! HE was complaining about me not cleaning when our first was less than 1 week old! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Yes, I did have some problems.....not properly trained..neither of us were. But as I got older (& child got older) things got better but H refuse to recognize it....blah blah blah.

After A, oh things took a completely different turn! H REALIZED what really was IMPORTANT to him & me & our marriage......he rarely complains about the home now PLUS, I am better becuase I realize how much more comfortable it is for all of us. HE would pitch in before he complained now.

HE will say straight out---it is no longer important to me, all that matters is that I have you & our family & we are together!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
**********
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So I don't think you need to get so defensive over what he is saying because it really isn't the heart of the issues. Don't take it so personally because he is just nit picking & if that is the best he can come up w/-then he really is acting completely idiotic.

If he sincerely wants you back then he will be in the HUMBLE frame of mind to woo you back & do whatever it takes on HIS part, not putting conditions on you.

I think he will but it might take some time. Hopefully it will be before you have gotten too comfortable in your own new life.

I also think you 2 are just falling into old habits of communicating which is not good. It's hard to break those old habits but try not to get sucked in.

If you get a chance to speak again, bite your tongue NOT to defend yourself (just come here instead to let it out) & see what happens. How much arguing can you do if you agree w/ him? That would probably throw him for a loop.

Try to keep things on YOUR track instead of his. For example, you are talking to him about what you need to reconcile. Let's say it was new tile in the kitchen.....We can get back together as soon as the old tile is replaced & he says well you never washed the cabinets good enough. Then you say, well that may be true & we can talk about it later but right now I want to know when you are going to repalce the tile. And restate your position that you are not even considering coming home until the tile is replaced.

Get it? That was just a ridiculous example to prove the point.
************
Don't give up hope.

Don't get caught up bickering aobut these trivial things or who was the better or worse spouse & who needs to change first or more. That is jsut a battle of wills & no one wins. It's NOT about changing the spouse.it's about standign up & recognizing yourown part in this mess &takign responsiblity for it.

The only thing positive that may come out of this trivial bickering is getting to the point in the arguement where you are past the trivial stuff & get to the meat of the matter. When you have poor communication skills & habits, sometimes that is what it takes to get to the REAL point.

My H didn't really care about the house, he cared that he thought he was UNloved & rather then tell me that, he went where it was EASY & didn't need to be said. kwim? But if you continue in that style of bickering it will take longer (if it ever gets there)& be a more unhealhty way to come to the REAL conclusions.

I hope this makes sense to you.

And I hope you can get back together.

OK Ladies, now this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I would like you to make an appointment for us with you counselor. If that is OK with you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I can't believe him. My C may not even consider it. I am not sure. Plus she is so hard lined I don't think he could take more than one session with her.

Genia, Finding and Albany, thanks.

Finding, he thinks he pulls his weight becuase he cuts the grass and fixes the house up. He just built a huge deck. It is beautiful and he did work his butt off doing it. It's done now and he thinks that should relieve him from doing any time of housework because that is my job. I just get so tired of hearing it. I could accept it more (I think) if our house was a disgrace but it's not. It's not perfect but it's a house with two kids and two working parents. I can only do so much.

Like you said Finding, spending "quality time" and fun time with your kids is what it's all about. That is what should matter in life. Tomorrow is never promised to any of us and our children grow up so darn fast, you need to spend as much time with them as possible.

Honest to God, my D said to me "mommy why are you always cleaning?" I just said becuase I have to. He says I take to long to get things done. Probably do in a way but I think I do a better job on things than he does. Other thing is we have a very big house and it take time, especially if the kids dont' pick up after themselves and he does not either.

My neighbor friend even made a comment that he expects way too much. She sees nothing wrong with my place.

I think we are cross-posting. LOL

But I think that is a good step. If yoru C considers it, what have you got to lose?

Maybe he will go in, armed w/ his list of everything that is wrong w/ YOU & then what? LOL

A rude awakening @ best.

I say go for it.
*****
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I think his REAL EN is to feel loved by you & the fact that you may ahve been too tired for him & times made him feel rejected. Now it may ahve been justified, having to work so hard & take care of so many reponsibilities...but I think that is his real point.

If you agree w/ him on that you can tell him. It might go a long way. Something like, I am sorry that you felt unloved when I was too tired to respond to you. I never meant it personally....or whatever...something like that.& then jsut leave it @ that. Don't say anything else after that statement & see what he does. Even if he responds ahrshly..ignore it & just let it sink in to his brain.

Although, i would clarify first if that is what he means......are you saying that when I refused you, whatever the reason, you felt I was rejecting you personally & did not love or care about you? And see what he says & then say the next thing.

It might help get to the real issues quicker.

Just my 2 cents..for what it is worth.

KT, just saw your response. Thanks.

Yes, we are sep. I moved out on the 5th with no intentions to plan B. I was heading right for the D. Then H said how much he loved and missed me. Taking me off course.

I agree with you that these are not the real issues but he brings them up as if they are HIS real issues. I agree he is trying to take the heat off of him.

Then he gets on me because I am not wiling to meet his EN's. This is my question to you all. Am I refusing to meet his EN or is his EN out of line? Not sure

Also, what about his complaint that I can't accept criticism? Is that an EN? Am I not meeting it if I can't see to change that part about me? Or is he out of line with his criticism?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Dr. Laura says...whoever it is MOST important too---should do it. Like if it is soooo important to H to have a freaky clean house--then he should do it or hire someone else to. There's your answer to that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like that and I totally agree. My friend is in that situation and her H does all the cleaning. He said that he will NOT be like that. He said that it's MY reponsibility as the women. He gets a lot of this crap from his parents. His mother even said to him "All I ever wanted for you was a good wife, one that cooks, cleans and does your laundry." To them that is a good wife. It matters a hill of beans to them that I was faithful to their son and I have always loved him and treated him kind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> That does not make a good wife in their eyes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> After A, oh things took a completely different turn! H REALIZED what really was IMPORTANT to him & me & our marriage...... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">KT, my H may never realize that. Maybe if something life threatening happened he would. Heck if I died tomorrow all he would say is that B**** did not clean the house before she checked. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't take it so personally because he is just nit picking & if that is the best he can come up w/-then he really is acting completely idiotic. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess I find it hard not to because he makes it look like I am so horrible for not doing this to his liking. Plus I see how he is trying to take thing off track as you say and for the life of me I can't get him back on track. It's like he won't change unless I promise to do all of these things first.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If he sincerely wants you back then he will be in the HUMBLE frame of mind to woo you back & do whatever it takes on HIS part, not putting conditions on you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">THanks for the thought KT but I doubt it. He feels that he should NOT have to do that. He does not think he needs to be humble.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Try to keep things on YOUR track instead of his. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will take your advice and try this. I can just hear him saying that it's all one sided, all about what I need and not what he needs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> but I will try.

Okay so don't let this become a struggle or power of wills.

I know now that my H and I have different EN's and that led to an environment that was perfect for an affair. HE was still not justified to have affair but we both create an environment that was conducive to an affair. My H I know did feel unloved because I didn't meet his sexual EN's and I thought i was doing so well because I was running around doing all the things I thought met his En's and then I had not energy or desire to meet his real EN's. In turn he wasn't meeting mine because I believe he was resentfull of me not meeting his and it became a horrible cycle.

Gotta break it somewhwere and BOTH have to recognize it took both to get to where we are and be willing to work on it.

See my H knows we are both to blame but doesn't want to put the effort into fixing it--but is ready to toss the towel in and I guess try it with someone else instead--IMO it will eventually become what our relationship became be you really have to focus to not repeat and i don't think mine is ready for that yet and may never be.

So I guess all I'm saying is takes two and why not try C because at this point you have nothing to lose.

BIG HUGS and prayers for you LUV.

Hi Luv,

Your husband sounds so freakin much like mine it is scary. I am not sure what my husband plans to do concerning visitation. He told me all along he was gonna sign the birth certificate and then surprised me by not doing it. I think it is because his family warned him not to sign the birth certificate. He told me I could come with him for visitation remember, but that I would have to wait in the car. We will see. He also critisizes my housekeeping. He does the housekeeping but then he doesn't work. He complains that he is not my slave. Whoever said he was. It's like he wants me to do everything and thinks he should just go to school and thats it. Then he complains that he feels bad that he is not contributing and he wants a job. Urrgh. He also talks about my hygiene. I don't brush my teeth long enough. I don't put my makeup on right. My hair is not straight enough. It is frizzing up and why can't your hair look like those women on TV. Urrgh. My clothes are wrong. I don't know style. I am stupid. Ect. Ect. Ect.
So I understand what you went through.

<small>[ September 16, 2004, 11:55 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

LUV, your good where you are. Yes he is thinking about what might have went wrong in you M but not what he did to create the mess that lead you to do what you had to do to save your mind and heart! And the well being of your children. You know when I die I want my kids to remember all the great times we had not weither or not my house was "perfect". Pictures on the wall may make a house but doesn't make a home. If the pix is of a unhappy M and family, why put it up? ANd who needs drapes, shoot we have mini blinds <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> That is something that my H has gotten better at. I'm still in the gotta do this and that, and he is just let it go and sit w/ me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> And I'm getting use to that. We have so little time together when we are away from the Love Shack. So until he gets a brain on what is important in life, then he will be lost. And we cant make anyone repent. God gave us free will, which everyone in their own time will either "get it" or not. The thing that made mine think was I told him one day my D asked if what happens when someone we know dies and we don't see them in heaven? I told her that we will know everyone there and those that we don't see, God doesn't let us remember that they are not there yet. So his heart is up to god and not up to you to try and change. It just makes them pull away from us. I'm praying hard for you and just keep up what you are doing besides the bickering.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunny, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm praying hard for you and just keep up what you are doing besides the bickering. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks.

Sunny,

Bickering? Whaja mean? Did you really mean that? Isn't her husband doing all the complaining. She is just requesting what she would need in order to go back. Isn't Luv doing good. She has a pull towards her husband because she loves him. But she is being strong and focusing on her needs.

Luv,

I think you are doing great.

Genia,

Sunny is right. I should not be talking to H so much, let alone getting into long rants and arguments with him.

Sunny, just not sure how I back off now without him thinking that it's all hopeless. Any suggestions? I could do a Plan B letter but I thought that might give him the wrong impression. My other thing is that I am really not sure what I want. I am very happy being alone right now.

I am just so confused right now and I feel alone. Not alone like missing H but alone in what to do and someone to turn to. I think I am bothering my friends a bit too much and they need breathing room.

I just got very sad right now. Feel like crying.

Hi Luv,

Maybe Sunny can give me some ideas. I do not feel like I need my husband the way he is acting lately but I am afraid of being alone. Worried about calling people that they might not want to be bothered with me so I know how you feel. What you are going through is what scares me about leaving husband. But he is worrying me so much others can see it in my eyes.

Long rants are not good for YOU any of you. Call my attorney was my favorite <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I don't have to talk to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> H did the same stuff ya'll are doing I have heard all of the, lets talk, go to C, love you, miss you. But he did finally figure most of it out. And when we talked I was over the anger of it all. Get to where you are at peace w/ yourself. Find yourself and let him see the wonderful, strong, beautiful person you are, you want to be and can be. Lonely is not good. Get out and do something. Get the kids go to the park, movies, what ever you can do. Start prayer walking. My best uninterrupted prayer time! Dont sit around waiting for the next call. Hell yes they want to know where their "Wives" are. That was H big thing call my friends, I'm looking for my wife? Plan a ladies night out or take a class when H has those kids. Shoot get a part time job, volunteer. Get out and meet so folks! Don't sit at home waiting for them to get some brains about them. The less you talk, the less they know, and guess what the more they want to find out! So ladies let them think and do some soul searching of their own. Don't tell them how they are messing up or what they did wrong, be nice, be pleasent and start find you!

To add I would have NEVER found the person I am now if I hadn't done those things. Its too soon for you to be doing all of this talking. Just be nice. They need more time, none of them have been willing to admit, they screwed the M up in a big way and are sorry and ready to put YOU first! But hang on cause God is going to start working on them hard. The more you pray the more he works. Ask and you shall receive
Sunny D

Speaking only from my personal experience with my H. The first 10 years of our marriage was like what you were talking about. I was a good housekeeper, soccer coach, soccer mom, and all around helper at my kid's schools. I worked myself to death at being "mrs. cleaver".
Then after our youngest started school, he expected me to work full-time and still continue to do everything. But....I wasn't doing any of them very well after awhile....I was too danged tired. I yelled at him...at the kids....at my boss(thank the lord he was understanding).....Just got into the most horrid arguments with complete STRANGERS.
Then he walked in one day and said he was leaving me and wanted a divorce...WHAT?!
Two weeks later, I packed my house...packed my kids and moved back to where I grew up.
We got into the stupidest arguments on the phone...just like you and your H...
IF I CHANGED....he would love me again...WHAT?!
Once I finally quit talking to him...(and to get to that point, I spent ALOT of time on my knees praying), if freaked him out.
Anyways....after being separated for almost a year....he showed up at my door after driving 350 miles all night....
"I love you. I have turned in my notice at the police dept. I want to be with you, doing whatever it takes. I don't want to be a cop anymore. It is destroying my family."
THAT was the motherlode. I knew how much being a police officer meant to him. All those years it meant more to him than his wife or 2 children. Being a cop was all he was....
He did quit and moved to be with me,took a job paying 8.50 an hour "busting" tires. I worked 2 full time jobs. BUT WE WERE HAPPY!! THE KIDS WERE HAPPY!!

Luv....it doesn't happen over night. If your "true" friends love you, they don't care how much you talk about it. Soooo many people here love you and are here for you.
Take a deep breath....now realize you can't change him......realize you never will. Only he can do it!! And only with a Higher Power's help.
He loves you...he just doesn't realize how much yet. And how much you mean to him. How much his family means to him. It make take a month? Maybe within a week of divorce being finalized, like my H and I.
God already knows what is going to happen. Just work on your relation with Him and your kids. That is ALL you can do. God will bless you in ways you don't expect.
love ya,
ent

Entwife and Sunny, thanks.
Sunny, very good advice. Enfwife, that was really a beautiful story.

I know my H has a lot of work to do on himself and we are no place close to even having our M back.

He did just send me this e-mail. Do I ignore him or respond, even slightly?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had a hard time sleeping last night and I guess a couple of hours to think. I am surprised, I didn't get out of here until about 9:30-10:00 and felt tired, but you know how that is.

Please bear with me, I have a lot of thoughts in my head and I'm going to try to have them make sense. If I confuse you please let me know.

I cannot believe what a fool I have been. I don't really need to tell you that, but when you figure it out for yourself, it is somewhat
shocking. I never really saw what pain I caused you and continued to cause you. I thought since nothing was going on with me and OW, it
was perfectly innocent enough to see OC over there and you should accept it because I always came home to you. I never saw it as a "crutch" that I was using. And I have the nerve to say you use this mess as a crutch to control me. I don't know if you're surprised by what I said, I know I am. I see now how it made you feel, in a
continued state of being betrayed, it really doesn't matter if something was going on or not. It was just the act. I new in my heart that
nothing was going on, so I assumed that you should to. And I gave you reason after reason of why nothing was there, hence my "you didn't find
anything when you snooped comments." It had nothing to do with that, it was the act of going there and the contact with her, the reason did not
matter. I hope that I am on the right track here. I feel strongly that I am, but as I type more, I wonder if I loose focus. Please bear with
me if I do.

Ok, I lost a little focus, 'cause there is more that I was thinking about this and now I am blank.

Anyway, point number two. I ***** to high heaven that you don't clean good enough. I will admit that I did not help because I was trying to
prove a point to you. Why not help, why not do it together and get it done quicker and then go on to the fun things in life? If I have to do
my stuff outside, well then you're on you own for a little while and we break it up. After all you do help me sometimes when I nee a hand.

Ok, I'm at that blank spot again, I think my brain is tired and on overload. I will let you read this and try to focus my thoughts.

I hope I am on the right track, I feel a little
vulnerable. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Hey Luv...

I think one thing stands out in my mind about your post...

He feels you should change,etc.. and a huge problem is you don't "clean" or "decorate" enough.. while he has an OC and visits at OW's house..

There just are NO words for this fog, this ridiculous reasoning of your H... OMG it is frustrating even me to think you have to defend this?

UGH... I just hope and pray that his recent email is the first sign of many that he is stepping back into reality.

Let him continue to sort this out without your pov for a while-- in his own silence-- dont keep arguing these RIDICULOUS reasonings from his end. Perhaps your silence will keep making these realities become louder and lounder in his head.

Maybe he is reaching the point of a turnaround... I do hope so LUV! Just hang tight and do not entertain any thoughts of giving in to this mess anytme yet... he is still out there in left field and YOU AND THE BABIES need to stay in center field.. enjoy your space and just relax a bit..

BIG HUG