Help me, friends.
I am a 35 years old Asian, and I married 6 years ago, my husband and I have a good relationship. We did not desire to have any kid because we love each other and we were all very busy. We live together with my parents-in-law who are more than 70 years. Our family is a warm family and we all get along very well.

Recently, my husband has been tested with HIV+ because of a tragic medical error; I am HIV-. We know with the treatment, HIV+ can survive longer than before, but the average is 10-20 years. Maybe 20 or 10 years later, my husband and my parents-in-law are all pass away, and leave myself alone in the world. My husband and my parents-in-law all feel sorry for me, and worry about my future, they all hope I should have a kid of my own.

I have checked many materials and consulted the doctors, if I want to have a baby with my husband’s sperm, his sperm must be washed, unfortunately there is not washing sperm technique in my country now (Actually, even in the US, the washing sperm is not 100% safe to get a health baby and also have a low probability to transmit the HIV to the woman). Because I should take care of my husband and my parents-in-law, I am must kept in health position, so I cannot use the sperm of my husband and there are not any romantic behaviors between my husband and me now.
I have talked with my husband, and he hope me to have a baby and he promised he would love the baby just like his own, so did my parents-in-law.
There are two ways to make me pregnant. One is artificial insemination use the sperm from sperm bank, in my country, the sperm bank will pay for the donor, so most of the sperm donor are college students and those who lack of money, artificial insemination is very expensive, and the successful rate is less then 20%.
The other way is find a compatible man to have sex. I am not interested in sex now and what I need is just a baby. If I pregnant I will leave the lover ASAP and I won't let him know he is the biological father of my baby.
I want to know which way is better and how you think about the second way? Does God can forgive me?
And I also want to know, do you think it is necessary for me to have a baby?

I feel you should not have sex with another man outside of marriage ,I feel it is still an extra-marital affair, and there are very severve results and effects of an affair of any kind, All though your chances are less, I would go with a sperm donar. There will be enough stress and other problems when dealing with HIV. Pray for God's guidance, Know that I will be pray for you and your family.

Why not adopt a child?

For one, Even though you are HIV- now doesn't mean it won't show up in a few years. By then, you may discover that you've passed it to your child.

Secondly, If you have an affair to have a baby, the other man may not walk away from you so easily. He may end up in your life and intruding in your marriage for 18 years.

I'd recommend adoption or fostering.

There is also the problem that it may take quite a few tries before you become pregnant and when you finally do, you may have also developed feelings for the OM [other man]. Sex is the most intimate form of contact between a man and a woman and it involves not just the joining of their genitals but of their emotions as well. So considered yourself warned of the dangers.

There's always the turkey baster method, I think many a lesbian has gotten pregnant this way... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oh darling. I just want to send you HUGE HUGS!

Having a little one while you and your darling husband are fighting the HIV virus will be like caring for TWO children with an illness. I'm so, so sorry for your pain and for your yearning for a little one. I TOTALLY understand your need to have a baby, however, having a life partner battling HIV is/can be an all encompassing task (and I'm not saying that it's a task that you don't undertake with a loving and caring heart, but it is still a stressful and HARD thing to live with). Ask yourself, will your sweet baby IN ANYWAY be negativily affected by your dedication to your husband and his illness. Will your darling child come into the world knowing his/her papa, only to have to bury him when he/she is in her teens or early twenties? Is this a kindness to your baby, or a need you must fulfill at whatever the cost to other's feelings?

There is also the consideration that tho you are negative, that may not always be the case. Will you nurse your little one? HIV can be transmitted via breast milk.

There are SO MANY ways out there to make a difference in children's lives. There are so many babies out there that need loving arms to hold them. There are so many babies that need YOU. They do. They might not be flesh of your flesh, but I can 115% guarentee you that once you swaddle them in your arms, you won't give one whit about that anymore.

Sending you MUCH love!

- Kimmy

NO, you should NEVER do what you have considered! I suggest adoption, as it will give a child that desperately needs one, a home!!!! To have sex with a man who is NOT your H is wrong, no matter what your reasonings for doing so! Even with your H's ok on the matter, as other's have said, who's to say you don't "fall in love" with this OM while trying to get pregnant?!?! If you so love your H, then I say you should adopt. If you "can't afford" to adopt, then maybe children weren't meant to be in your life at this time. But, to purposely sleep with a man, get P, and then drop him like a dirty pig, having this all as a plan is WRONG! Not only are you breaking your wedding vows, no matter what your H says, you are purposely misleading another person, with the intention of NEVER revealing what you've done. You truly need to re-evaluate your thinking about wanting a child.

I wish you the best of luck, but strongly feel you should look to other options.