Reading many posts today and I'm trying to figure out why some of you stick around. I hope this isn't an offensive question (I'm sure it's not part of the Marriage Builders philosophy).

There are some obvious abuse cases here and it looks to me like there are some repeat cheaters too.

My wife seems to be trying very hard and I'm still having a tough time making a decision. I think if she acted like any of these husbands are acting, I'd be calling it 'quits'.

What motivates you all to try so hard to make it work when your spouses don't pull their weight in making things right, or even treating you right?

These are my personal reasons: Faith in God, belief in the the power of forgiveness, knowing that God can change my H's heart, unconditional love for my H, love of my kids, standing up for the vows I made in front of God (for better, for worse), knowing that if I weather this storm - God will give me the happiness I seek, ...

In my heart of hearts, I believe that my M will survive this and that my H and I will have a long and happy life together. It may take time and the road to recovery may not be easy, but it is worth it to me to stand up for my marriage. The man I married is a wonderful person. He has made mistakes - which he admits. We all make mistakes - who am I to judge whether his mistakes are any greater than ones I have made. I choose to stand for my M because I love this man and I know it is the right thing to do for me and my children.

I posted this b4 on a different thread, not sure if my story was one of the ones u r referring to, but this is y I have stuck around & still do.

Why do I love my man, w/ all that he has put me thru???

Cuz I have put him thru some stuff 2 & he still loves me, cuz he can still make me smile even now, cuz when he loves me I know he has loved NO other woman this way, cuz he still can me make feel so special, cuz I am still his "baby girl".

I love this man cuz he is still the man that God gave 2 me, MY special gift, he is still my greatest protector, he is still my earthly refuge. He is still the man God placed in my life 2 b my husband 4 life & I truly believe one day in God's time -- not mine he will b that man again, once he returns 2 his first love - God. He will then truly return 2 me his wife, not the mother of his child, but the lover his soul, second only 2 God of course.

Sunny thank u so much for reminding me y I fight so hard 4 my marriage & my MAN!!!! He is flawed & so am I. He has made mistakes & so have I. I get so caught up in all of the negatives around me that I 4get about the good & the positive in my life & the good plans that my God has 4 me .
Thru it all I believe, I KNOW that God can return my H to the man he used to b b4 the fog. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

New,
Honestly, I am not sure. If you have read any of my posts you know that I moved out and filed for D. H seems to be having a change of heart so I am "considering" the marriage again. I say considering because my H has to do A LOT to make me believe things will change. I am probably one of those abuse cases you are talking about. My H's need for control and emotional abuse is one thing he MUST work on before I come back.

Why am I even considering it again. We have 14yrs. of marriage that I don't want to give-up on. We have two children together that I want to grow up in a family with a mother and father. Because I do love my H and feel like we are supposed to be together. Because like KrisM, I believe in my vows. Even if in the Churches eyes I have permission to leave the M, I still don't want to. I know my H can be the loving person he once was.

Here, here kris. New here- never say never. I'ts called love, unconditional love and yes its hard to find! Forgiveness is one of the hardest things you will ever do. Hang in there. Lots of praying too!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sunny D

I was wondering the same thing myself but did not have the guts to ask. Mom told dad he had to do x,y and z if she were to stay in the marriage. If he did not respect her boundaries then she would divorce him. She meant it and he knew it.

I was floored she was willing to give him another chance. Looking back now I wonder if dad would have been as forgiving if mom had been the WS. Some how I doubt it.

My H said he couldn't handle it if I did what he did too me. He's says he'd be gone.

I ask myself then why should I stay. The refernce goes back to Krism. message.

I committed to my H in front of God and the ones I love. To have and to hold till death do us part!

My H says I'm a better person then he could ever be. I think in the long run he'd still do the same. WE love each other. Were best friends. We were put together for a reason.

Follow the path of God and he will light the way.

He never said the path wasn't going to be rocky or steep. Just to follow it

Lori