Last month H got court ordered parenting time with his son. Right now his son, J, is living with the grandparents. The court gave both the grandparents and H a copy of the standard parenting time orders. They break it down in age groups and grades.

Problem is the Grandparents are going by the preschool(ages 3-5) time line and not the elementray (5-11) timeline. J is 5, in kidnergarten. H is supposed to get J from 6pm on Friday to 7pm on Sundays. The grandparents are very adiment on having J back by 6. So H is returning J by 6, even though they did have words about it being early and not the correct time.

Question is, does H continue to please the grandparents and drop J off at 6, or should he go by what the papers state and just let the grandparents complain to whoever?

The reason why J is living with the grandparents is J and his 2 younger siblings were removed from the mothers home due to abuse and neglect. She has trial next month.

<small>[ September 27, 2004, 12:47 PM: Message edited by: Crazymum ]</small>

Hi Crazymum

I have followed alot of your postings... its been awhile since I have responded to you but I think you are handling things beautifully.

And as far as H dropping off J at 6p to the grandparents... I think he's doing the right thing. You lose an hour but it keeps a good repore with the grandparents. It keeps communications lines open and maybe the grandparents have good reason why they want J home at 6p on Sunday nights. You never know.

Crazymum has your H ever asked them why 6p?

wiz

Wizard

I had to laugh. Keeping good repore with the grandparents, they HATE H. AT the courts when H was granted his parenting time they tried to stop it right away. H then went on to have his first weekend visit, then when it came to his second visit, wednesday night visit, they tried to stop that also. H had to call the Cps lady involved to get them to stop it. They are doing what they can to make things difficult for H to see his son.

This weekend the grandmother calls on Saturday, J didn't want to talk with her but he did, she grilled him on what games he was playing, then got me on the phone to see if he took his meds and to remind us what he can and can't eat ( We have 5 kids, does she think we were the ones neglecting the children?) then she got pissed when I told her we bought J a new bike for the house.

When H dropped J off she wasn't please either that H made sure all of J clothes were cleaned and we even bought him sone new ones.

The grandparents say it's 6 cause that's what the courts highlighted on the papers, but its the preschool schedule, J is in elementary.

So far everytime we have J, he states he doesn't want to go home. Last night he got mad. I don't know what to do

CM,

Are you still documenting everything? I would say, about the time difference, if it's what was highlighted on the court papers, stay with the 6. If the papers that the grandparents are using are just general guidelines, and there has been no specific time mentioned in the court order, I would see if you can get an actual time ON the court order that would prove and secure what time J should be back to the grandparents.

As for J not wanting to talk to his grandparents when he's with you, and not wanting to go back when it's time, keep track of what he says, maybe even ask, "J, why don't you want to go back/talk to your grandparent's tonight?" Nothing leading, just ask for his reason. Having had 5 kids of your own, you know that they may not be able to tell you EVERYTHING, but they can give you a reason. Could be as simple as he has more fun at your house than with his grandparents, and he wants to "stay and play" longer.

Wish I had more to offer, but I hope this helps some.

Tigger

CM, choose your battles. It hardly seems this one hour is worth the trip to the attorney, to court, ect. KWIM? Just keep a record of it and when and if something else arises you will have this star in your corner.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

hmmmmmm...........J's behavior sounds just like OC behavior when we first started seeing her. Interesting. OW never believed us though.

I think (& it's only my opinion) FIRST-stick to the 6 pm. While I know it is very annoying & in our case I would want to push it & FORCE our RIGHTS----now I see it is not worth it. Save it for the BIG ones. Maybe just call the CPS worker again & ask what they think is appropriate.

The grands probably don't like you guys--so what, J probably does enjoy his time w/ you guys, it's the weekend--no school-play all day------yah who would want that to stop? lol

Keep it all on the down low & calm. Things are majorly different for J right now. He never spent this much time w/ you guys before so it's all so new & fresh. New siblings, new clothes, new bike----it's all sparkly-like for a kid-----wait till the shine wears off & then..try to talk to the grands maybe then.

I can't believe I am really saying all this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> but I'm sure they feel somewhat threatened by all of this. Their daughter is a royal disappointment-the state has deemed her an unfit mother & whatever love they have for their grands is being threatened-they probably are even more scared than OW that they might not see their grandkids if you were ever to get that full custody.


The one hour I would just talk to the social worker about & see if she can call them, if she agrees w/ you & let them know.

STATISTICALLY, I think you guys will eventually get full custody so........there you go.

I hope things get easier. I know you have a lot of love to spread around. I'm proud of you for calling CPS too. I can imagine that must have felt really hard to do.

I am gearing up to call CPS myself (unrelated to OC) for something & I am very nervous.

It'll get better. Keep us updated on what happens w/ the courts.

And I'm sorry they are being such a pain.

Well H got a call from Cps this morning, they are pulling OC and his siblings from the grandparents home. They are going to put all 3 in foster care. H threw a fit on why he couldn't get his son. Right now Cps is working on locating a judge to get Oc placed in our home.

So H and I have to take drug test, psyc evaluations. After Oc is in our home we are subject to random surprise visits for 30 days.

Wow, this is all so sudden. We have no idea why the kids were pulled, Cps wouldn't tell H.

Wow.....

CM,

Wow, that's a surprise! Good luck with cps...

Hi,

Evidently they did something wrong. I am glad they will let you get the children. I hope you are ready for this. This will be a big responsibility. I am sure you will be fine with CPS. As long as you have adequate food, clean house, and kids supervised at all times you should be fine. They just want to make sure they are placing children in a good home.

Well we have him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Cps comes over tomorrow to inspect the home. We live in a 3 bedroom ranch, 6 kids 2 adults. Oc will be sharing a room with my 7yr old son, I already have bunkbeds in there. The two older girls share a room. H works third shift, the 5 & 3yr old sleep in bed with me. A ba habit I started when they were babies and is hard to break. We are already working on building rooms in our basment. That was in the works before any mention of the possibility of Oc living with us.

Both H and I have to take a drug test. Wonder what will happen if H fails it :confused I know I have no problem, hate even taking asprin.

Right now its fun trying to get everyone calmed down, the kids are happy and excited Oc is here. Now to get him on a schedule here.

Crazymum,
Godspeed and blessings. If the oc is meant to be with you....he will.
You have a great attitude and I think you'll pass with flying colors!
Have a close friend who works for "Childrens Services" it's called that in our area.

You'd have to have a filthy home with no food in the fridge and marks on the kids to have oc taken away.

You and H are headed for years of joy...I feel it! So happy you and he have one another and that you are doing the MB thing.
love
Debi

Thanks everyone. It's been a long day, very long.

CPS tried to use stuff against H that happened 15, 11 and 5 yrs ago. If this was happening even 5 yrs ago, I wouldn't be willing to work with H to have Oc in the home. We have come ALONG way. I have a councelor that comes into the house on a weekly basis, she had a long talk with Cps on what things are like in our house. Cps was believing what Xow was saying about H and I ( why I don't know with her history) So my councelor told her how much better things are, vouched for George and I as parents and what our household is like. I even told Cps they could interview our neighbors.

Wow! Crazymum

What a turn of events! Take it slow with J..this must be so hard on him...but this great news! I know you have alot on your plate... and let me tell you... I understand what you must be thinking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> another child!!

Well, I say its a blessing..everything that you describe J going through he needs some stability....

Congratulations!
And good luck..please update..I love to hear how things turn out for you!

You have come long way crazymum..my hat goes off for you!!

Crazymum: CONGRATULATONS!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad this is going to work out with J. Like someone said, he's gone through alot and now he can ajust to a stable good life and it will be permanant.