hello everyone!
im new to this. im a 32 yr old with 3 children and has been married for 12yrs. i recently found out that my husband had an affair and produced a child with his mistress. my husband works out of town, and his mistress works with him. so far he switched his hours,to avoid her but he still has contact with her because of the child. i dont know if can except that child as my own.im trying to work on getting thru this, but my husband with not answer any of my questions. i did locate the other womans phone and im tempted to calling her and talking with her woman to woman but im afraid of what i might say to her.i dont want to argue i just want answers.my husbands tells me he wants to work it out and deep down i do to.im being pulled in 2 different directions. my mind is telling me to run and my heart is telling me to stay. i dont know which one i should listen to. im afarid of getting hurt again...
can someone please give me some advice

Hi Mishele,

Sorry to have to welcome you to this site. Hopefully others more qualified than i to give you answers will be on soon. If you call her, be careful what you say. Be polite. Understand everything you say may come back to your husband. I confronted my OW and she told husband everything I said. Also understand OW lie. My OW promised me she would leave my husband alone if he chose to stay with me. She didn't. And yes she had OC. It is a very difficult thing to go through. It will be a lot easier if your husband stands beside you and does not have any contact without your agreement.

First off M, as Genia said sorry to welcome you here. Read everythng here and you may want to start w/ a PJOA. This is where you and your H agree on different things in this situation. What you want and need to make the M work and visa/versa. How old is the OC and was a DNA done? Everyone here will tell you that the fight between your heart and mind. PRAY, and read your bible and Pray some more! Have you and H had contact w/ the child? Is visitations, C/S set yet? You can also read the plan a and plan b here and pray about which one your heart knows which one to do. I will tell you that if you two are a team and if you want your M and contact to work, It can and does happen, but it is a team thing. If your heart is telling you to maybe take some time out, plan B, get you and your children covered legally and get yourself back together and then work on your M. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and Dont start something that you cant do for the rest of your life! Contact w/ the OC is LIFE LONG! If you choose N/C then put it in your past and work on your future. I know you have a ton of questions but before you p/u the phone and do something you wished you hadn't read the "its confimed" and I writing a letter. BEFORE you make that call. Every BS here will tell you DONT, she's not worth the pain! And trust me, she will not tell you the truth and she will only cause you more confusion and pain.We are here for you and glad you found a site that will help you heal. Your not going to change the OW and / or your H, just you! Make a YOU plan!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunny D says it well. Don't contact OW. OW will skew it her way every time and will make it out that you're the angry, crazed wife. You need to work through the system. If WH doesn't want to be upfront with you, then that's a clue something isn't on the up and up. Take care of yourself and your children first. It's going to be very hard, but don't "over-react" to WH lack of sharing info. Like Sunny D said, read everything you can on MB site and practice to the best of your ability what you can. Like Genia and Sunny D have said, I too am really sorry you're here.

Like everyone else said don't call her. Worst mistake I ever made, what does she have to lose by lying to you nothing, and she thinks she has everything to gain, you rH and kill your M. Don't let her get to you, stay focused if your H is still with you and not her, you are at least one up on her. The contact issue is not easy, my H works with ow, and she constntly call him for stupid things that you know she knows, she is just using it as an excuse to speak to him. No it is not easy, but there is not alot you can do about it. If anyone knows how to make it stop. please let me know. It has been two and half years and I just saw oc for first time last week, for an hour. I'm still not sure if it is what I want. I don't know if I will ever know what I want, but as stated above, c with oc is lifelong. My momtold me to be certain before I do it because once you decide to become apart of oc's life, and in my case she is now three, you can't just drop back out. It's is very difficult, but God is my best friend and He alone has pulled me through this. Pray, pray and pray again. My best prayer is God get me through today, and we will try again tomorrow. As my mother and law said to me God doesn't promise you tomorrow, get through today, and pray for tomorrow.