My H will have a paternity test in the next couple of weeks to determine if the OC is in fact his. He would like for us to attempt to get custody, which at this point I do not agree to. I'm just wondering, do most WH's that father a child with OW usually wish to have contact with OC? I feel really selfish because I don't want this, but I don't know that I can live with myself if the child is his and he doesn't have visitation .

My WH wants C with OC. I think he should have C and I hope that I'm prepared for that. We've also at times spoken of at least shared custody. The OW hasn't shown she's capable of parenting the first child she has and was a product out of much of the same situation.

We're still in the paternity testing phase with the results scheduled to be done 10/05. I firmly believe that all should go through the court system.

Every situation is different and you and your WH need to make the decision about C or Custody. IMO, you WH is being very selfish and not considerate of you if he's making this choice all on his own.

Lots of BS on here talk about a "fog" the WH is in. It's true, they are in a sort of "fog" - - and don't see clearly.

First and foremost read, as others will tell you on here, all you can about the MB Principals, ie EN, Plan A & B etc. It's very helpful and gives you perspective. AND... take care of yourself mentally, physically and you'll be stronger for it.

Thanks for your reply. I think he must still be in the fog too. I have printed the entire thread started by CodyG "Does your children know about OC" for him to read. Of course the 2 children that we have are mine but the youngest he has raised since birth. I wanted to have one more child and he knew that so I stopped my BC shot and we did start trying back last year. The OW was my brothers GF, and my BF. It all makes sense now why when she became pregnant he started saying that at that time we couldn't afford to have another child, so I resumed the BC shot.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I found out about oc 3/02, H has had minimal c with her behind my back, last time was Chirstmas 03, hoping buying her a few toys would relieve the guilt he felt. No c since then, lately he has mentioned c, last week I went with him and met oc and ow for first time. It went well, however I do not know if I am ready for c, and I told him this. Now I am afraid he will c again behind my back. Yes, I do feel guilty that I know oc is his and he doesn't see her, but what do you do? Do you feel miserable for the rest of your life, so someone else can feel better b/c of a huge mistake they made. I didn't ask for this and is not fair that I have to deal with this. Did wh think of me or our children when he was having A? That was right eitther, the fact that the A ever happened wasn't right....Sorry I am rambling but what do you do? I hate the fact that this site is even needed, does marriage vows mean anything to anyone anymore??

It seems that the vows are losing thier meaning more with every generation. The thing that bothers me the most is that this child should not have to spend it's life without its father because the 2 people who brought it into this world were so stupid, childish and selfish, never thinking about the consequences of their actions. He tells me, she said she was on birth control, I said well, I guess she was lying to you then. My daughter adored the OW, and it amazes me that neither of them considered her feelings either. Now she wonders why she can't see her aunt anymore. If he does have contact with the OC, he is the one that will have to explain it to the kids, I will not, that's another thing that isn't my responsibility. I just wonder how OC will feel one day when it is told the circumstances under which it was concieved.

Jen G, you are so right. But if it's like everything else that has happened, ow will probably lie about oc conception also. Ow told me I never knew he was married and then people started telling me and it was too late I was already in love. My comment well you are just as guilty and bad off as WH. I am always angry at ow when I should also be mad at WH, it is just as much his fault. But I guess that would never help M, keeping that frame of mind. I wish I could make it all go away but I can't, so I just have to get by one day at a time and so do you.
Yelodazee
WH 34
Me 29
d-10, d-4, d-2
oc-3
dday 3/02

LOL
Don't get me started on this one... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Its laughable these days..that they still even have the nerve to use that as an excuse!

I work in enviroment...medical/dental clinic...I have brought up this subject with few of our wonderful docs....

They would laugh at some of the stories I come back to them with...

There was one OW..claiming that she was on birth control and the MM was wearing a "rubber" (the OW swears by it) and she still came up pregnant... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I just about fell out of my seat on this statement... she is so full of it..I can't believe she went on a public site and claim this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

They use that excuse all the time...ooops... I was on the "pill!"
Yah right!!

You know how many OW have said THIS? They were on the pill at the time or was taking protection... ?? Almost everyone one of them say it when they first get pregnant....

If they honestly think we buy that line of crap! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Are the OW usually stupid enough to try to get pregnant?

I wonder at times if she did just because she knew how much money my H makes. I've heard that in some states that the court will consider the MM's family prior to OC and A, any body know any thing about that?