Hello all,

Knew yesterday I was too happy for it to last. OW e-mailed today (H and my dating anniversary -- first date 11 years ago today). She didn't say it specifically, but sounds like she went to have an abortion this morning. She wanted him to call her because she needed "to exit this situation" and needed his help. She asked for him to call her as soon as he got the message. When he called, another unknown woman answered OW's phone and said she had gone to the clinic and would be back in a few hours (don't know if it is an abortion clinic or just her OB's office). H isn't sure that abortion was on her mind, but the way she worded things (communication was in Spanish), made me think that was her plan. Next scheduled doctor's appt. was mid-October.

Anyone have an opinion on what you would do if she asked us for money for the abortion? Part of me says, "Hurray, this mess with the OW might soon be over. I will never have to hear from her again!" However, I hate myself for feeling that way, because I am opposed to abortion. I feel so horribly guilty that my first reaction to the news that she might be killing her child is relief and happiness. I know I can't control what she does, but I can control whether or not we send her money. If we pay for it, it makes us complicit in the sin, doesn't it? Has anyone else dealt with this issue? If so, how?

Sure most of you will think me wacko now. I am just torn (and H is too). Please pray for us, and thanks for all of your support.

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:54 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Baba,

I know it could save my family, but am worried about the personal cost to my belief system. I don't want to think of myself as a hypocrite. Guess that is why I am still torn. Thanks for your reply.

mari,you can't really help your thoughts, so don't tear yourself up about it. It's not you having to have an abortion. So I doubt God will be punishing you for going back on your beliefs. Your thoughts are understandable. I am also against abortion so I thought until my babysfather OW got pregnant, and I wanted her to have one. She did and I was relieved I'm not going to lie. The girl and I have since made peace so we claim and I do feel bad for the lies and the web she was in which is my babysfathers fault. That was 2 yrs ago. You'll get through it.

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:54 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Baba,

Thanks, I needed that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> He finally talked to her. She claims she is bleeding some and fears a miscarriage. She isn't happy with the reduced-rate clinic she's been going to. She wants money to go to a private OB. If she does this, he has instructed her to have that office call us directly. We will only pay that doctor (directly) when we have spoken to him and know what in the heck is going on.

So, maybe I can keep my beliefs and be rid of the mess. We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

Mariposa,

Two months after I learned of FWH's A, he confessed to me the abortion that FOW had during their relationship. I was stunned because, like you, we are all (FOW, too) very pro-life. I, like you, felt guilt for the relief I felt at the expense of the life of an innocent.

When FOW's husband found out, he felt many of the same things I did. He had thought the baby was his. He thought she had miscarried. To find out otherwise was devestating to him. On the anniversary of the abortion, he sat outside the clinic where the evil deed was done. Just sat there. Three hours. Grieving for a child another man put in his wife's belly.

We all understand, now, that the child who was not given life would have been loved beyond measure.

Eventually, I took a long look at my feelings of relief and decided it was normal. I did not encourage the abortion. I can't say if I would or wouldn't have if I had known about the pregnancy (because I certainly thought my husband would NEVER abort his own flesh and blood!!!)

Now, when I see a toddler about the age my OC would have been, I thank God for that one's tiny little life and say a prayer for my FWH and FOW. I am not guilty, therefore I bear no guilt. But I live with FWH's pain and try to help him when it surfaces.

~ Snow

we too are against abortion, We talked her out of the abortion she wanted, if i knew then what i know now, God forgive me, i would have paid for it myself, and drove her to and from the clinic,
she is hurting so many people with her actions since continuing the pregnancy havinging oc ,and could careless about hurting everyone involved including herself!
We only wanted/want what was/is right for the baby(oc)

<small>[ October 02, 2004, 08:54 AM: Message edited by: angels1966 ]</small>

Still haven't heard whether or not she was getting the abortion. H wired $300 dollars and called clinic. They never said whether she had an appt. or not. The name the OW gave H was a real person, but her records indicated OW did not come in on Friday.

Husband sent e-mail and called a few times. Got the roommate, who said that OW's mother came and packed a suitcase for her. Whether or not that means that mother was taking care of her for a while, who knows? She is definitely not answering the cell phone and the roommate gave us as much info as she had.

Guess time will tell.