i didnt take the advice of anyone and i called the other woman future enough she said i had the wrong #, and that made me more pissed...i dont see why she wouldnt want to talk with me. it pissed me off so much that i screamed and yelled and my h. we got into a big fight on thursday, and we just started speaking again. does this woman think that she can have no contact with me. doesnt she know that we are going to meet if i decide to accept her child? im trying to take one day at a time. all i want is answers and some short of reassurance for my h.

Hello Mishelle,

Why on earth would u expect OW to want to talk to u?????? Let's be real here. She could care less about u and what u think....she was not thinking about u when she was having an A with your H, so why would she be thinking about u now??? She made the decision to have a OC from a MM, so why would u think she would care about what u have to say? All she cares about is herself and her unborn child, and that childs father (maybe or obviously, or she would not be taking things this far)...I am not trying to be harsh or mean...but we as BW's have to face the reality...and this is it. And yes, she is crazy to think that she will not have to come in contact with u if u & your H decide on C...but unfortunately, we can not control how others think, or none of us would be in these depressing situations now. She will just be in for a rude awakening from her fairytale thats all.

Try to stay calm, and hang in there....don't let this destroy u because u are bigger than this mess. Stay praying, and take care.

I have to agree...she isn't going to talk to you...at least not now. There could be a few reasons for that...one may be she doesn't want added stress to her pregnancy, and a confrontation would be a lot of added stress. But the more likely reason is your husband has asked her not to. When I was pregnant he isnsisted I not speak to her, no matter what, and yes his wife thought we were in no contact. I maintained loyalty with him until after the baby was born....she might be doing the same. Make no mistake they have discussed what she should do in the event you ever call her...every MM/OW has discussed this. The wrong number thing is an easy way out.

Sorry, just trying to be honest. Forget her for now...everything is going to change when the baby is born anyway, so there is no use making any perm decisions now. Ask the BW's on the board, emotions go into high gear at the birth and things usually end up changing. In my case all the plans the 3 of us made prior to the birth were thrown out the window because the BW could not handle contact. She had no way of knowing that until it was upon her. Take care of you...let her take care of her baby, and stay in NC for now.

HELLO GOFIGURE,
THE OW ALREADY HAD THE OC,SHE IS A YEAR OLD AND I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS ABOUT 2 MONTHS AGO. NOW THAT SHE IS EXPOSED WHAT DOES SHE HAVE TO HIDE. THAT SHE HAS FEELINGS FOR MY H. SHE WAS SUCH A WOMAN TO HAVE THE AFFAIR AND TO HAVE HIS CHILD, WHY ISNT SHE WOMAN ENOUGH TO TALK TO ME. YOUR RIGHT HER MAIN CONCERN SHOULD BE HER CHILD.

mishele:
I don't know why she would do that. If xmm's wife would call me I don't know that I would talk to her, but then again we are in a huge legal battle. Even if we were not, after xmm told her about the pregnancy and all he called me up and told me what he told her. Everything he told her except ONE thing was a lie. He down played the affair, he lied about how often we saw each other, and etc., etc., I know that even if we were to talk, I would not answer her questions only because of what I've read her and other boards. It's not worth it. Let her believe what he says. In the end I still look like a lier and whore so why put myself through that? They are trying to heal there marriage and I'm not going to get into a he said she said thing. It's not about the affair anymore anyways. It's about a child.

Mischele sorry if I'm imposing on your thread but maybe this will be helpful.

Question for Needtomoveon

At what point do OW realize their fantasy is not going to happen? At what point do they realize that they need to humble themselves, own up to their mistake and do what's right for the baby THEY chose to bring into the world under anything but great circumstances.

My WH's OC was born 09/08/04 and low and behold what has she said - well surprise of all surprises. "I don't want your evil BS to have anything to do with OC". Get a grip. I haven't done a damned thing to her. She needs to imagine herself in my position and really ask herself how she would feel.

and let me say one more thing. I have been the OW. I was 20 years old, made a terrible choice, got pregnant, was HUMILIATED and HUMBLED, felt horrible from the beginning about hurting the OW who was trying her best to deal with WH. I accepted responsibility, took care of the pregnancy and associated costs myself and did what was right put the baby up for adoption. WH had no intention of ever being with me. He was "fogged". Even at 20 I knew right then and there what the "real" deal was.

So, needtomoveon give us your perspective from speaking with other OW about how our BS lives are supposed to play out and what we can do to help make our lives move forward for the betterment of all.

from the OW perspective...I can only say that we all come to our own realizations in our own time. I gave up the dream when he said he no longer wanted contact with his daughter...I think I did anyway, hard to say I was in complete survival mode. It has been a year for me and now I am dealing with the humiliation etc of my own actions. One thing I have learned...you can't make anyone do what you want them to do or feel what you want them to feel. She may never get to the point you did, or she might down the road. Live your life, that's all you can control.

Hello Twilight,

I have to say, well said.

Take care.