Just wondered how everyone was doing and what was up.

Painted my 1 great room wall red--still have a couple of coats of red to paint before the color is totally even.

H is still supposedly done--but no action of being done from him. He is at his parents with our son--they fly back tomorrow. His mom said she would try and call me and she was going to talk to him about us--I told not to unless she wanted to. So I will hear from her at some point maybe not until H leaves from over there.

Just really bummed--Thursday is our 9th wedding anniversary. Some anniversary--no different than the one last year except year I wasn't to bummed because I thought we were done and I was okay with that at the time--but he has came back once twice since then and I'm not okay with being done now.

I have put all my trust in God and I'm having a hard time holding on--I can't do anything else and it is so frustrating that this is all out of my control and it is really about H and not me--I can't change it---again I will repeat frustrating.

Hey Albany,

Sorry to hear things r not much better w/ H. Has he done anything w/ the D papers yet? Or did he file, sorry I can't remember.

All u can do is pray that God will change his heart & his mind at this point, u can only tell & show a person so many times that u love them, & want to work thru your problems to save your M & family. U can't do it alone & u also should not spend your life waiting for them to get off the fence.

My update is that I took my son to school in Toronto, Canada on Friday, so I am now exp. "empty nest" syndrome. I am a lot better today, but leaving him on Sat. was so hard, I felt like I left a part of my heart there w/ him, yes - I know he is a grown man but he will always be my one & only "baby boy."

As far as H & I are concerned, I have an appt. w/ a lawyer to file for D next week. Today is his daughters 2nd b'day & we are no better off as a couple than we were last yr. He is unwilling to work at trying to save what is left of our M, even though he accuses me of quitting, I have earned the right to do that after dealing w/ this mess for over 2 yrs.

So I am really done, this time, don't have the money in place but I am believing God will provide & that this is his will. I have fought the good fight, haven't always been "good" during the fight but I tried, I know God would not reuire any more from me & he is the only one I am trying to please now.

Well supposedly he has the do it ourselves papers at his apt.--whatever been saying that for three weeks--so no he hasn't filed.

Hi Albany,

I am really sorry. I don't know what to say. I am having a hard time myself also.

Neicy,

I did not know who you were at first. Good to see you on here. Sorry about your son. It is painful to see them grow up.

Hey Albany. I see H is just still doing his thing. I hope you are doing Abany's thing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I updated on sxf. So I look for you there. Just taking each day God gives me to be strong and go forward with my life. (((Hugs)))
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Hey ladies just wanted you to know that i am still around here. just been busy today and am having a lot of problems to deal with right now. I will need to talk to you all later to tell you about that!

Hey I still can't get on to the SBF board. My home computer won't let me in I haven't figured out why yet but will sooner or later.

JT

JT,

I can't get on either. I am not sure why. I got an acceptance e-mail but I am blocked somehow. Not sure why.

Kris,

Miss your posts. I hope you are OK. Sorry I could not be there for you but I heard the news about OC being born. It is more painful than you can imagine when reality hits.

Has anyone heard from LUV?

LUV~thinking of you and hope your H really is changing and that you get to have your family--let me know how goes it.

JT~thinking of you girl--you can e-mail at the address I gave you--hope to hear your update soon

Thinking of you all and say a pray every night for all of you.

Any thoughts welcome.

I have given this much thought and have being trying to figure it out--like we can figure anything out given the state of our lives! HAHAHAHA!

Anyhow--last year at this time we had reached an agreement on the D and the final papers were drawn up and ready to be signed--mind you H was with OW but no OC concieved at that point--this was early 8/2003.

I went and signed the D papers and in my mind everything was done--H called bawling and told me he couldn't sign them--mind you he filed.

I went on with life lived as though we were done. I was okay with being done--honestly I was--resigned to the fact that my M was over and this is was the path for me.

Then in late 10/03-early 11/03 H comes around and becomes part of my life again and in 12/03 he is back and the D is terminated.

Then in 12/03 H tells me about OW being pregnant with OC. she was goign to get an abortion but decides not to and won't do adoption--now we are in early 1/04 and the world shatters for my H when he realizes she is goign to have and keep this OC.

He moves out end of 01/04 and waivers all around since then to current--he is done wants a D but takes no action--even almost moves back in at one point and still hasn't filed D to this day but is sure he is done because he doesn't love me yet 12/03 he cried at my feet and told me he would never leave our family and all he wanted was for us to be together and us being apart was horrible in the fall of 2003.

Okay so that is the background my struggle is now this time I'm not content to let it go--I'm sure our M can work and I want it to work way more then last fall--last fall I figured what happens happens and I wasn't even that excited when he first started coming around again.

Why can't I let go now? i did a year ago and I was okay with it. Part of me feels like it is partially due to this site--I know it can work now and that after much MB principle reading I realize we created a married environment that was perfect set-up for an affair and that what we struggle with others do two and if we can make it work with someone else we could have made it work with is because to make work with someone new we will have to fix the same things.

I don't know but I really can't peacefully walk away this time--and darnit last fall I could and now I'm in no better place than last fall--here comes another wedding anniversary and I bet H doesn't even acknowledge it and last year he didn't and I was perfectly okay with it and I didn't even dread the day of it like I am this year.

Anyway just wanted others thoughts on why I can't walk away and let go this time and I could before.

I'm sorry albany------I've had "those" anniversaries too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

There ARE some things you can do & you know it.........uh can you say PLAN B? lol

Prayer is ALWAYS a good thing----but you MUST be patient & rely fully on God to do HIS thing & not butt in----keep reminding myself of that!
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talk about trigger------I hope you have soem peace on Thursday----I know it might be hard.

Cry your heart out if you need too---------go get a GOOD pedicure----@ a NICE place-where they ahve those massaging chairs-better yet---treat yourself to a massage too @ a salon. whatever.

take care of yourself & treat yourself good & extra good on Thursday.

big hugs to you!
xxx
ooo
kt

KT--why could I let go a year ago and I can't now? That's my question.

Hi Albany

Boy, I don't have an answer that that one - - why you can let go now. Have you had good times and has he been doing things with you and family thus far this year?

I say make him you know what or get off the pot, in other words Plan B. Don't acknowledge, accept phone calls, let him in and out of your life so easily, make him schedule visits with kids, be happy show him you're living life. Maybe he sees you're not and is using that. Don't talk to him about the D or the supposed papers he has - ignore. Most important of all - fill your head with positive thoughts, pray and get your butt moving - - exercise is a great, great way to clear your mind and reduce the stress.

Hi Albany,

I have no words of advise. I don't know why we can't let go. I could not let go of mine till he took everything out of me as you will see if you read my post. I let go this morning. I want to say as long as you have hope there is a chance. As long as there is a God there is hope. Albany you do what your heart tells you to do and pray for peace. Do yourself if he is hurting you. Take care of you the best you can.

inanutshell~ yes probably having a hard time giving up this time because when was back last fall and has been back some this summer--things were good and he was a great Dad to our son--but i think he isn't liking and is to selfish right now to deal with all work a marriage and raising a family takes.

I get home after work and I take care of our son, mow the grass, feed the cats & dogs, and do laundry etc but H he goes to his apt. and does nothing if he wants to ---not a choice for me granted he works a 12 hour shift but mine is nearly that long when you count my travel time across town etc. to daycare.

So personally I think he is being selfish and is in a him only mode and he also has said some things that make me think that he is sure he must not love me or he wouldn't have done the things he did and so now he has dtermined he doesn't love me but I don't believe it and I think that what he determined when he was home end of June first half of July is that he isn't dedicated to married and family life yet he is the one that wanted us to have a child--it was him who initiated it and now IMO it is way more work than he thought it would be.

So yes I probably can't let go because we had the greatest time we had had in years last winter and I knew it was all possible--that it could work but I can't make him work at it.

LUV, JT where are you?

Hey Albany!

I bet it IS harder now to give up because you already DID THAT BEFORE, then had a taste of the good times again- then got SHOT down again. When you get shot down again, well, its like we went through all the pain of taking them back, working so hard, feeling so much pain and NOW ALL FOR NOTHING??? Now I COULD HAVE BEEN 1 YEAR INTO MY NEW LIFE ... and this whole year has been for NOTHING????

Like trying to get your money's worth out of something you paid SO MUCH MONEY for.. but that just doesn't do the job you paid it to do.. get it?

I personally have felt this way- darnit- if I went through all of this pain for nothing.. to just break up again.... just makes you want to rip your hair out, or at least it did me!

See my new post question Gio.

BTW I have painted 4 coats of red with a 1 coat of pink primer also--looks like it needs two more coats to be totally even and really good depth to the paint.

I'm with--I know it can work after last winter--nov-dec. us attending a few counseling sessions and then after finding this site and I feel like I can't give up now and yes want to pull my hair out because I'm actually emotionally worse off then last year at this time when I didn't recognize on anniversary and I was resolved to being done.

Hey albany,

What's up? I read your post and can't tell you how hard I am sure it is for you. I can't really talk right now - I'm working hard but will get back with you in about an hour - OK!

Hugs********

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Look forward to hearing from you and look forward to an update on you also besides listening to my hard week.