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<small>[ October 08, 2004, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: entwifejmr ]</small>

Hey Ent,

Wow, that was a touching story. Stay strong & stay praying! I admire your strength.
U go girl!!!

Ent~

You didn't have to share, but I'm glad you did.

It does explain a lot.

I dare say the world would be a much better place if more people were like you. (I may get a few raised eyebrows or worse for that statement, considering recent events, but you know what?--I don't care. I'm opinionated too, and I call 'em as I see 'em. Plus, heck--we all make mistakes, especially in the heat of the moment.)

To have the attributes of humility, grace, and forgiveness as a part of your being when things are going smoothly in life is one thing, but to have them whilst going through the fire is something entirely different. I'm quite sure God takes note of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

By being so open about your experience with others--just think of the testimony you're providing. I'm quite certain your openess with your story will help many, if in no other way than reassuring others they aren't alone in the horrors of adultery.

Sincerely,
~autumnday

Thanks for sharing. I don't feel as lonely in all this. Yes, I've forgiven too, but i dare say it's been hard for me to get it out of my mind.

My H line was always , when people see us in public he knew what they thought. Me being white, him Black and our children mixed except for our 6 year old also black. He always said that he knew people thought he cheated had this child and I accepted him as my own. (our 5, 6 year old's are sdopted) Anyhow now he's right.

The story he always told had now come true. There will be at some point the OC and I will accept him as my own. Doesn't matter what others say. Only God is my judge and jury.

Thanks again

Lori

Yikes.....what a story. You didn't even have to cue the music......it was there already.

You have really been through the mill. I am truly glad, sincerely, that you and your husband have been able to work this all out and save your family. I mean that.

And you are right. You and I took different views, different soloutions to the problem. Neither of us is right. Neither of us is wrong...for us.

My only concern is that sometimes you seem so angry at anyone who would even consider no contact and, yes I have read other posts of yours, at another place. So my guard is up as to what your motives have been. I see lots of these women here, hurting and reeling with what to do. The last thing they need to read is how awful they would be if they didn't choose contact.

As for those who have chosen contact, I have never told anyone (except KT) that it was wrong, or whatever. I just make sure they are doing things that they are truly comfortable with and agree to, and not just trying to calm the storm. I want them to know that their are options (and obviuosly I believe in n/c). BUT if they chose contact, that is their choice. I advise them to make sure it is all done LEGALLY and have things literally written in stone so ow can't yank them around.

I am sorry if I doubted you. But lately there have been quite a few ow on here, disagreeing with a BW on her choices or her views or her rants. I have a protective reaction when I see that.

ent, congradulations on healing your marriage and family! I love success stories, C or no C. Is the xow still married? Did that affect your decision (re: visitation) at all? How much time do you have w/OC?

lori, my best wishes in your case too. I know someone with a similar family composition to you... I had to re-read the kid ages to see if it was you! (no, it's not)

We also have visitation now. Each situation is unique.

We celebrate our 18th anniversary this week. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Best wishes to everyone and their recovery.

Ent,

I am glad u told your story, & I too thought u were only here to stir things up.

Contact vs. No Contact is a very personal decision for each couple, and opinions very. While we all share this common bond of having an OC in our lives, we see here that M's do survive some with contact some without.

From what I have read here & what I have experienced in my own situation, I know it is hard to have C but it can work, is NC easier, of course, some will say that the H abandoned his child & that it is not right but who of us can judge the other? According to the Bible the H & W relationship comes before ALL relationships even that of BC. So in staying with MB principles working on your M first should be top priority then tackle the OC issue.

Ent - I am glad that things are working out in your M & with your family & OC, it does show & inspire those of us seeking C that it can work with a lot of hard work but first & foremost a true commitment between H & W with God as the center of course.

Jenny - Happy to hear of your upcoming anniversary, best wishes & may God bless you with many, many more!

I have goose bumps reading this. I can relate to all of those feelings as well. God has truly blessed you with many things... the greatest gift of all, his Son who supports and sustaines you through anything. I couldn't have made it without Him. My H is not a cop...but he is a Medic.. uniform is a little different, but the draw for women is the same (and he is very handsome to boot), so opportunity kinda throws itself at him as well. I admire your strength and spirit. May God continue to provide you with the blessings of strength and forgiveness.

I never doubted you were a BW. I am glad things are going well for you & H now, sorry it wasn't for so many years.

I think you just get so upset @ times, you THINK by taking a position of NC that we are WRONG, our H are WRONG & only you are right.

That is not it. I think most here, including myself, share their own experience & then will say BUT do what you & H decide together, what is right for YOU. I have admitted numerous times that things might have been differnet if we had done things differently (such as being involved from the beginning) I don't know. We could only make decisions based on the NOW.

We are not against YOU just because you have C & we don't. We are glad it works for you. We only remind you & others to be aware & fully honest w/ yourself & of things around you.

I agree & am right there w/ ya' girl that it is through Christ alone that I sit & type @ this computer, my story, as well as the fact that I am alive & able to.

Keep on lovin' & sharin'. That is what we are all here for.
*************
*************
Sometimes it helps to have others who are NOT emotionally involved in your situation tell you some things like it is----they can think & see some things more clearly (like lynng) that we just can't when we are IN it. That is why it is good for us to be here sharing w/ each other & get the support that many of us do not have here IRL.

xxx
ooo
kt

That, I think, is supposed to be the goal, the purpose and the beauty of this web site and this forum. To share each of our experiences,,, what HAS worked for US and what has not.. IN OUR OWN PARTICULAR CIRCUMSTANCES. There is not a "one size fits all" magic answer for any of us. My gosh, if there was, Harley could set a huge dollar price tag, we could send in for THE ANSWER and all be on our way to a bright happy future.

I think the disagreements come in when we tend to post in generalities. You know,,,"All OW, all BW's, all WS's" or, not even using the word ALL..just saying BS's or WS's. Due to sensitive feelings and raw emtions we seem to personalize comments and apply them to us. Perhaps if we tried to preface our comments by "MY FWH" or "the OW that was in my life" it would remove any doubt as to the fact we are speaking about MY situation,,not ALL FWS's or ALL OW. Seems kinda silly, I know, to have to be so darn careful about what we say but if it saves hurt feelings, perhaps it would be worth a try.

Ent I was asking you what had personally happened in your M before all of the contact/no contact decisions happened for you and H for a reason.
You went back and forth many times in many areas of your M- between divorce to no divorce to separated to together, etc... etc... and THEN you came to where you are w/C, deciding to take your H back yet again, etc. etc... You are calling OTHERS' H's names??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

SO just let others have the same journey without shoving your staying power and decision for C down their throats - or calling THEIR H's cakemen?? I'd personally say that your H may be a cakeman too- after all he's done- and STILL has a wife who is now accepting his latest A- and OC. Can't you see how each of our stories have an element to them that we could all say "We'd never do that.. accept this.. bla bla".. but each of our stories are filled w/different human beings, personalities, dynamics, situations, emotions.

Let each member have their respectful say without bashing or saying what should be.

MANY aound here really truly have NO IDEA of what they may feel from day to day, let alone have a CLUE how they could handle or not handle C w/OC!!
Your situation is working for YOU. However, your current situation did not come OVERNIGHT- you had many different things happen and change along the way to get to where you are, right?

Give others here the courtesy that would be extended here to you, if you were hurting and did not think you could handle contact.
I feel it is SOOOOO HARD and you ARE unbelievalbe to me- and I take my hat off to ANYONE who has contact, always have.

At an OW board you are supporting people who ridicule the BS and xMM- and if you are okay w/that then I dont see how you are so angry here? You are very well behaved and limited on what you are "allowed" to say- so why can't you try to do that here a little, also.

Giovanna....

I was not looking for praise or anything like that. I sincerely posted MY story hoping it would help explain where I come from. And maybe help someone along the way.

But instead of reading and going your way....."grrrr" , You're on me like a pitbull on a poodle.

I hope all works out well for you. Take care.

ent

Ent~
Why did you change the title? What does it mean? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Ent,

I did not read your post, you already deleted it, but it sounds like I missed an inspiring post.

Just wanted to offer a non-biased opinion that I don't think Giovanna jumped on you (well, OK, a couple of lines were a little tough). But basically, she, like other posters, said that what you worked out for your situation is working for you, but it might not work for others.

I got the impression from a couple of the posters on this thread that they were very glad for you (even admired you), but they'd like to see you "tone down" your responses to others.

Hope this helps.

~ Snow

<small>[ October 08, 2004, 06:33 PM: Message edited by: Snowbelle ]</small>

I am sorry I didnt get a chance to read your story. I would have like to have had the oppurtunity to read it and get to know your background.

Lori I think she posted her story on the other board. Check out there.

Ent you did not have to remove your post. There is no reason that ANYONE here should feel they cannot reveal their own truths.

That is why I was what you felt to be very harsh. Maybe it was- but I was upset that you referred to *our* husbands here as cakemen in another post. I didn't like it for anyone here w/NC including myself. That was the same as the references I made to your H that most likely upset you.

HOWEVER, every one of us here would support you through anything- we ALL have taken way more sh*t in our marriages than we maybe should have.. My H cheated with MORE than one woman, and EVEN ONE AFTER OC.. I DO NOT judge you or think you are a "dummy" or that YOU have done anything to be ashamed of.

I'm sorry if we got off on a bad note- but I DONT want to make this personal w/ANYONE here, because we all should be allies at all times. For many of us this is the only place we have.

Please do not ever feel you cannot be honest here -but sometimes you will get a little of what you put out there- back to you. Just seems to me you were really completely "against" what we stand for here. Lets just try to work as a team with more compassion for one another's predicaments.