Now that the ow has started getting her child support payments she has stopped letting us keep him as much. He use to stay with us more but now I think she is afraid of losing her money. Now she has cut us down to just visitation. See how things work. She called me today asking us if we could keep him until her child care falls into place she now has a job. Oh so now you want to use to use us more? Pay your child care and child support while she gets on her feet to then only snatch it away again. This situation can be so aggravating at times.

She's going to use you when it's convenient for her. I think there's a fine line when it comes to doing what's right by the baby and allowing OW to take advantage of situation. Personally, I would keep track (log) of everytime she wants to use you for child care when it's outside of normal visitation. If she's leaving OC that much with you and not arranging for day care, she's saving money. If you're going to care for OC that often maybe OC should be in your custody and she ought to be paying you CS?

yea she thinks she is being slick. I will get a visitation agreement written up and if she doesnt sign it then we will just do every other weekend and whenever we feel like it. she is not going to use us when it is at her convience. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Im also going to ask her if she helped us when we paid childcare for him when we go to work.

Well everything has to be legal. If you differ from the papers, then that is you. But if you do the right thing, then it can never come back on you. I would keep records and if it gets out of hand then do something about it. C/S is never set in stone and neither are visitation. Its aggravating. But it has to be legal. Just like with any visistation aggreement. People's emotions take over and they dont always do what is right. Good luck and I hope things get better.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

anyone thinks this makes since ow wants H/W to keep child do her a favor so that she can work. Stating she has to work 7 days a week, and does not have her child care in place yet to keep. Are we getting really really getting used here? I asked her why cant she pay with her child support? states she wont get the check until next month. we are trying to get her to agree on a reasonable aggreement for visitation, but she keeps going around in circles stating that once her child care is in place we have to worry about him anymore. All to convient for her! see we dont care what she has to do to take care of her home all we want to know is where do we fall with c with oc. She says keep him until she gets on her feet, so then what snatch him away again or call every other day for me to bring him home so you can visit with him. this is a bunch of bull ****. How she takes care of him when he is with her is her problem and so forth. why cant she understand that. like we should be helping her get on her feet. It is the your H pregnated me so therefore obligated to help me with everything including her and take care of child all the time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> So much manipulation going on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hello,

First of all who works 7 days a week w/o a day off??? She is pulling your leg!!!!

U have got to get her to agree with some kind of reasonable terms regarding this. I mean, u r right when u say she is using u for her convenience, and that is not what this is all about. Get visitation set in writing.

Don't let her get away with this, or there will be more to come. Settle it now.

For us our share of child care cost is included with the C/S. she gets 1 check a month but she gets XXX amount for C/S. xxx amount for child care costs.
Tylor is on our health and dental ins.

If he is basically living with you then you shouldnt have to pay suuport. Talk to a lawyer and see what he says.

Okay am I hearing you right? The child is living with you until she gets on her feet and your still paying cs? Do you work? Is this something you want to do? I mean if babysitting is a problem for her and the money with it and all, would you want to do it and save on that expense? I'm not sure where you stand that is why I'm asking. I was working 7 days a week, but I also had one of my jobs where I work from home to help with my child care cost. I still work 2 jobs and one from home, but have been able to now ajust the time to where I have my weekends free completly for my kids. I also have taken 1 day durning the week that is for running errands that can't be run durning the weekend, and doctor appointments etc. I agree with the rest.....if your in contact you need to have it written up legally and have her stick to it. It's only fair.

here is the deal. we got her to agree that he would be staying at our house on the weekends which she agreed with a written agreement. well on saturday she called stating she had a problem. That her and her roommate got into an argument and now she is without a place to live and that we should keep him. She talked to my husband and he told her no that it is not his concern what is going on in her life that we will stick to the agreement, basically telling her no. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> that made me feel so good that he was finally putting his foot down. She is so irresponsible its sickening <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He has already started paying her child support. I also told my husband that I did not want full custody of him that it would be a lot of responsibility with the fact that I have a little one at home as well. even with trying to keep him only on the weekend its difficult because those are the only days I have and its hard to run errands with two babies. anybody have any advice Im stumped here. Cant seem to get it right. damn if I do and damn if I dont. I guess maybe because I do all the work. My husband works two jobs, but I guess it will become easier as time goes on.

I can only advice you what I think you should do. Notdoneinyet... I have custody of our OC...

We are almost in identical situations....

Why not take full custody..here is your chance...?? I know its seems like a lot of responsibility... but they grow up fast...

I have always agreed with LynnG... with the NC rule...but if you are going to have contact..why not get all you can??

Get her to pay you guys CS and pay for daycare...

This way you can hire more help in...while these children...are little...

When I was in this situation I was very reluctant to have the OC in my home (only b/c I was unsure if I could be fair to this child..concidering the circumstances)... but over time.... I grew to love this little boy with all my heart. It can happen... Today I don't even concider him a "OC" He's simply my son.

It sounds to me, that the OW in your situation is unstable and can't provide a stable enviroment for this child....just reading so far about what you have written I am afraid for this little person.

Just a thought??

wiz

I agree with wizard.
I have 3 girls that are 16 months apart. They are 10,10, and 11. The two 10 yrs old are a month apart. One of the 10 yr olds in my granddaughter. Her mother died when she was 10 months old so I have custody of her. she has basically been with me since her birth.
It is hard but it can be done. they are all very close.
I would just plan what I had to do and try to do everything in one trip.
I had a friend from church that would watch them for me once in awhile. Sometimes I wonder how I made ti thru that time, but I did and i have such good memories of it.
As for your OC I would worry about him. IF she doesnt have a home where is he staying? Is he getting enough to eat? that sort of thing.
You can always take her to court for child support.

I thought about that (full custody), but it just angered me so that lol and behold H had child with irresponsible person, and now Im doing all the work. I guess a part of me also hates the fact that this woman had his first son. That seems special to me, and I dont know if I should really be bothered by that. I guess that I would not mind having full custody when the child is older. I guess Im still in the indifference stage and could think of many reason not to give in to the work load. Maybe that I was not even thought of when they were enjoying themselves. I could use some advice however to how custody is achieved. do H continue paying child support to her while keeping the child as much as possible with maintaining documentation. we tried this from the start but once her child support letter came then she starting demanding for him to come home every other day. It's just so confusing and time consuming. And it bothers me to see more money being put on this child than the children in our home. I will figure it all out in due time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

as for the living situation, most of the time when this would happen he would stay at our house, but she started using this to her advantage. Instead of trying to get a place of her own for her and her child, she's out having a good time this pisses me off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> if we were to keep him and pay her child support + child care because we both work. we would fork out over 1000 a month for this child while she is enjoying. I dont know Im still confused and I admitt just a little bitter. I dont get much time to spend with friends and it is even harder when oc is with us. I work all week and on the weekend take care of kids. I find no time for just me hardly, nobody wants to keep my children especially someone else's. A lot of my friends even think Im stupid for keeping him but I know its my choice. I guess what H and I need to do is place an ad for childcare on the weekends so I can do shopping and things. Something to look into.

Notdoneinyet....

There are many things I can advice you on...but I have the feeling that you need some time to figure this out a bit...

The one thing that stood out to me though; is that you didn't mention doing this legally?

Are you sure that this is your H's child?

The first thing my H and I did is got a patrenity...got a good lawyer...

I file for a separation.... and I filed for CS... it keeps more money in the family...

First damage control...

And if there is anything more you would like to know... privately. Here's my email.

enordlee@hotmail.com

wiz

I know you are feeling very fustrated. I felt the very same way you did Notdoneinyet...

It seems all sooooooooooo unfair...that I understand....

TIME. You need extra help... you need to take some time away for you.... even if its just allowing yourself the luxury of shopping for the groceries..all by yourself...

Talk to your H. Explain that you need this time for yourself... on your own... you won't feel so stretched to the limit.

We took custody... I can tell you one thing... It brought the control back in our lives..and for this little guy.

You will find that balance..and you can make this successful...

wiz

as for one of my early post. we did not pursue anything until a paternity test was established it was 99.9% so yes did that. the court ordered him to pay her 450 per mnth because she is the custodial parent legally, (doesnt deserve it) we just have been putting in a lot of work. H lawyer told him to document everything and eventually will take her to court. It just seems this has caused damage both mentally and financially and its emotionally draining. And I guess nothing can take care of that but time.