Anyone have any ideas on how to help a 5yr old who is suffering from separation anxiety?

Oc is having a hard time when it comes to school and Dr's.

mum,
does he have any kind of counseling? Poor little guy is going through a lot. Maybe the school counselor at least has some ideas?

Is there any "object tranference" with any object from his babyhood? Can you get ahold of anything like a favorite stuffed animal or baby blanket, or a duplicate of one he used to like?

My only other idea probably isn't workable for you... which is homeschool him for this year, until he's more comfortable with all these changes in his life.

I hope for both your sake and his that some solutions appear soon. I'm sure it's hard on you.

Best wishes.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> does he have any kind of counseling? Poor little guy is going through a lot. Maybe the school counselor at least has some ideas? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is seeing a psycologist right now. On occasion his teacher has him see the school therapist. He is only in kidnergarten

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is there any "object tranference" with any object from his babyhood? Can you get ahold of anything like a favorite stuffed animal or baby blanket, or a duplicate of one he used to like?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">His mother and granparents are not cooperating at all when it comes to his stuff. All he has is what H and I have bought him. He is even going with out his school stuff cause they won't give it to him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> which is homeschool him for this year, until he's more comfortable with all these changes in his life.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right now he is goings to a different school than the rest of the kids. Cps recommends that we keep him in his school till christmas break, they also said to ask the psycologist about it.

I'm wondering if it would help him to have him in the same class as his sister?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right now he is goings to a different school than the rest of the kids. Cps recommends that we keep him in his school till christmas break, they also said to ask the psycologist about it.

I'm wondering if it would help him to have him in the same class as his sister?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

This is one thing that has always bothered me about your situation. Why does CPS want him to remain in the different school till Christmas break? He is probably feeling a little left out since his siblings all go to this other school, and he's the only one in the different school. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I would think that he would have a much easier time if he was with his siblings. When is the next hearing? I can't remember. Maybe if you can talk to his counselor about this situation and the fact that he is the only one of all the kids going to this school, that it may be better for him to transfer now instead of later. And if that's how the counselor feels, then have the counselor either testify or send an affidavit stating that it would be in his best intrest.

Just my input, hope it helped, but you've probably already thought of it;)

Good luck, and let us know what happens.

Love,

Tigger

So he has nothing from his first 5y of life! From his pt. of view, he's lost his mother, his sibs-from-mother, his grandparents, ALL his stuff, and even his Kinder schoolbooks! Any 5yo would be stressed! Those grandparents should be whipped... good grief and Lord help us all!

mum, in NO WAY am I implying you're at fault! You're in a really tough spot. I know from working briefly with foster children that they often love their parents (and gr-parents) even when they are abused, and being in a safer place doesn't always *seem* better to them even though it IS better.

His sibs-from-mother go to his school, but not in his class? If you got him into his sister's class, how long would that last? Is he close to her? And surely the teacher could get him new schoolbooks?

I can understand cps might say keep him in same class if they think that minimizes his stress/changes... but it does NOT sound like it is having the effect desired!! Can you make that point to his caseworker and get psychologists' or teacher and doctor (written) backup re: OC's stress, and whatever others are recommending? In a reasonable world, cps could approve a reasonable change (to whatever might help!). I know it probably isn't that simple.

What do YOU think might help him most? If you feel up to persistant trying on his behalf, you might be able to get the change you want.

Best wishes on positive gains.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> His sibs-from-mother go to his school, but not in his class? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, his sibs-from-mom are only 2& 4. They aren't een in school yet. His sibs-from-dad - 3- 5 -7-11 & 13, the 5 & 7yr old go to elementary school, my 5yr old daughter is also in kidnergarten. J felt left out when Brent & DeLanie get on the bus for school. J has stated he wants to go to delanie's school. This week has been better though, no fits so far and he is now staying in class.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So he has nothing from his first 5y of life! From his pt. of view, he's lost his mother, his sibs-from-mother, his grandparents, ALL his stuff, and even his Kinder schoolbooks! Any 5yo would be stressed! Those grandparents should be whipped... good grief and Lord help us all!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When stuff was packed for foster care, they sent stuffed animals for the younger kids, but nothing for J. Bare minumin of clothes also. During the first supervised visit with his mother, she brought stuff for younger two, but nothing for him. J had a make up visit yesterday, he missed last weeks due to a dr visit, mom only brought his gameboy. The grandparents were there, they brought crackers, sausages, 2 hot wheel cars and a flashlight for him. When I picked J up the person in charge of visits asked if J needed anything. I stated it would be nice if he could get his school books back. She is going to see what she can do. It makes me sick that J mom/grandparents want to stick it to my H by not supplying anything for J, but they don't see they are only hurting J.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Can you make that point to his caseworker and get psychologists' or teacher and doctor (written) backup re: OC's stress, and whatever others are recommending? In a reasonable world, cps could approve a reasonable change </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cps has told me to ask the psychologisits what his opinion is on changing schools. She recommends him staying till christmas time but will go by the Dr's recommendation.


As for his mother, when I [icked him up from school yesterday I told him I had a surprise, that he gets to see Mommy. His intial response was no, I don't want to go. But then he starting asking when and was getting excited. After the visit, mom came out crying, after she left, the case worker came out with J saying he had no problems, only that he showed no emotion and was withdrawn. Mom/grandparents think that H and I are trying to alienate J's feelings for them. If that is the case they why am I trying to get a pic of J with his mom/stepdad?

It seems that all the things that Xow had did to H over the years, she thinks H is trying to do to her know. Denying visits ( We can't not bring him to the psych appt that was already set up before the visist was) talking bad about her ( she still makes it clear to J how much she hates me - my response is that she is a nice woman, no need to go to her level) and supervised visits ( H and I didn't have anything to do with her abusing/neglecting her children, it also wasn't H fault that the children got pulled from the grandparents) The only thing H wants is what is best for his son. He isn't into playing the games that Xow is doing or has done.

mum, you are right that mom/gr-parent are projecting themselves on you and H; they expect you are acting like they would act: badly. You are right: they are only hurting J. I'm sorry you have to deal with them.

If J shows no emotion and is withdrawn (and ambivalent about his mom), I would say that IS a problem. I don't get the caseworker's point. You have to have other adult witnesses to his issues. The caseworker doesn't see him very often.

If he feels connected to your daughter, maybe sharing a class would really help him. Sorry I didn't get it initially.

I hope things get better for you all.

CM-

You are a very good woman, I admire how much you care. Just keep loving him and trying to be the best parent you can- he will know you are "good" and not worth hating! He will come around- he will feel a part of your family sooner than later.

I think the school w/your daughter idea is EXCELLENT. It would mean a lot to him I bet!!! Poor little guy.

Ya know, H and I have custody of my 11 year old SS- and he never, ever wants to go see her (when the &*^^$ answers our calls, that is).... she had the nerve to ask my H why he does not listen to her or give her any respect... even in your situation- cant this WOMAN (xow) see how badly she has hurt and let down her child- even at 5 years old they become distant and angry at failed parenting!!! Geesh..

This child needs you - and hopefully he will get what he needs and be happy finally !!

Do you think the bio mother will fight your H back for custody some day? Does your H intend to keep him for the long hull- forever? Is he committed to J? I hope so, he deserves a real family and security.

Take care, and keep up the good work with this child! You have a huge bunch and never seem to run out of love!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do you think the bio mother will fight your H back for custody some day? Does your H intend to keep him for the long hull- forever? Is he committed to J? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I believe the mom will fight H for custody. Problem is she has already been provin unfit. She'll have a long tough fight ahead of her. Right now it is killing her and her family that J is with his dad. When H was first granted his parental time, they all tried to stop it. When H was given custody, Cps told us to watch our back cause they were beyond pissed.

As for H in it for the long haul, yes he is. We have already talked about it and are making changes in our household, remodling to make x-tra room.