Its strange. I have been sooo busy for sooo long and rarely could post or join in with y'all when I wanted to. Sunny, Albany and Neicy are here - but not very much!

NOW I have more opportunity.. and WHERE ARE YOU?????? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON WITH YOU ALL???

Hey I'm here!

What's going on with you? I am going insane over here!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> My H is never going to change his attitude or his behavior. He wants to know where I am and who I'm with every minute of the day, but let me ask him one simple question and I get a very vague answer. He even had the nerve to tell me again (like when he was really in the A) " I am not going to have any woman checking my every move"!! Boy, did that sound familiar.

I feel like such a fool again, he almost had me believing that he would do anything to get his family back at lest that is what he says, but no moves have been taken. I asked for a DNA test, CS to get started and for him to give up his parental rights legally to OC ( since we agreed on NC - this way OW is totally out of the picture). He agreed instantly, and still a month later no move has been made. He even had the nerve to tell me last night why would he put himself in CS with another woman when he already pays his XW CS for my stepson (13), and me $$$ for our two (2&1). EH said that he would be crazy to do it and not know where we stood. all he ever talks about is coming back home, not what he needs to do to get there.

This to me means that he has not changed and is really just trying to get me to take him back at any cost!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

DO I HAVE STUPID WRITTEN ALL OVER MY FACE OR WHAT? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> If I took him back now without him doing anything other than talking and playing family with us I would surely live in misery for the rest of my life. He would continue to do whatever he wanted to do with whom ever.

I really thought that he loved us enough - no more than anything in this world, but I guess I was wrong! How could I ever trust him, I want him so bad that I can't see in front of me the answer that I have been waiting for - It is time to really move on not just say it but mean it!

G123 - what do I do now? I know I have to go on with the Divorce I think that reality is the only wake up call that he may get, but it hurts to see the man I love out there, with someone else, sharing what he promised me. Where do me and the kids ever fit in? Why did he marry me if this is how he wanted to be?

HELP!!!

JT

Don't get me wrong I know what I have to do for my family to heal - I am just at a lost right now at the whole thing even now a year later!

J2--

gggggrrrrr for you!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My H is never going to change his attitude or his behavior. He wants to know where I am and who I'm with every minute of the day, but let me ask him one simple question and I get a very vague answer. He even had the nerve to tell me again (like when he was really in the A) " I am not going to have any woman checking my every move"!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">J2- you know the answer. You state he is "never" going to change. Probably not- just change the victim of his bullsh*t. And this time its a real DESERVING and WILLING recipent!!! Let HER live your so-called life-- GREAT- HAVE A BALL- THEY DESERVE THIS MESS. Oh be sure of one thing, J2- she is NOT getting what you were promised, either.

YOU be happy that while the two of them are going to crash down to a world of pain.. Well YOU HAVE ALREADY been shot down, fought the hardest battle of your life.... and are on one foot ready to GET UP AND OUT OF THIS ridiculous life that H thrust you INTO! No matter what you feel today- beleive me, you ARE READY FOR A COME-UP, my friend!!

You MUST realize that some day, sooner or later, YOU WILL NOT be the looked at as H's MISTAKE-- you WILL be the woman he loved and lost over this sh*t.. the woman that was HONORABLE AND TRUE TO HER MAN, HER KIDS.. HAD SOME DARN PRIDE IN HER BODY and HER MARRIAGE... you think THAT is the dummy? Not you sister- no freaking way.

Do you have any idea how many women with 2 babies, especially, WOULD MOVE OUT on her own? Not many!! Do you realize that trying to save your marriage takes waaaaay more strength and character than one runs cause its easier, or one who sits back and takes this for not one year, or two, but YEARS AND YEARS??

You have tried every avenue you can... now its time to get those broken feet off the ground, wrap them up and show J2 AND H AND OW what the HE** YOUR H LOST-

My H did that questioning and harping on who I am with- where I'm at -- and I took GREAT PRIDE in telling him he should not care- he didnt' want me anyway. I hope you H (WHO'S BOLD BUTT IS ROLLING IN THE MUD WITH OW) becomes raw in the throat and his freaking fingers break from dialing your non-reachable pretty [censored] day and night.... (UNTIL its time for his visits w/his kids, at which time you will be polite, and then proceed to to J2/no kid stuff that you enjoy.

You are so right I deserve to be happy and fulfilled. I know that I have said this before, but part of me was still hoping that he would change or come to the realization of what he was about to lose. How could he though? He does not believe that I am leaving him for good! I really did not believe it either I wa hoping that before everything got into it's final stage he would change, but what a crock!! The divorce has not even got rolling good and he is still the same old fool.

He has the nerve to tell me that he wants his family at least a hundred times a day. I am not going to take anymore phone calls from him which will send him into another rage I am sure, but who cares anymore. I have crushed all hope of us being together. It is not healthy for me or the kids to be with him on a full time basis. Plus he has no intention so it seems to me of letting go of OW/OC. and that is what it would take for us to be a family!

I am not willing to sacrifice my happiness to please him any longer. I want to be whole again, loved and fulfilled. I think she is in for a rude awakening, after he pays all of his CS and other bills their will be nothing left for her. He will be stuggling and she will have to help support him. So if that is what she wants then so be it - she can have it. It will not make her life any easier - remember she has four children now (including OC).

How do men leave women with everything going for themselves and their kids for a woman with three dam kids of her own plus OC. He leaves his and goes to be with her. I guess to be with her and their child - why raise someone elses kids when you have your own at home ( beautiful children at that). All he does is complain to me that he is not going to raise someone elses kids, then why get with her you knew she had other children.

My feet are planted firmly on the ground G123, and I am walking to freedom!!

JT

JT,

I posted to u on SBF, but wasn't sure if u knew who I was. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I admire your strength, this is not an easy road u r traveling but u will be better off in the end. Your H will realize most likely too little to late that he blew the best thing he ever had by losing u! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It is only normal to still hold out hope, I do too, but in the meantime we have to do what we have to do for ourselves & our kids.

Love ya!

Hello JT2,

Unfortunately alot of times the H has to really feel it, in order to get it....Sh-t has to hit the fan ( as if it already hasn't) before they can realize that their mind games and control tactics eventually ware off...we as Bw's get tired of it...the broken promises, etc. Alot of times they say the things they feel we want to hear at that particular moment...just to shut us up....and then time passes, and nothing has changed. I am sure he will wake up when he finally realizes that u are truly and honestly tired of his b-s...u can't take any more, and u are moving on...w/ or w/o him. Unfortunately for him, it might be too late...because u may have found your peace eslewhere by the time he decides its time to straighten up.

Men are such babies sometimes...they will drive and drive until they run out of gas completely...and then have to struggle to get back on their feet. Oh well, let them learn.

JT - So good to hear from you. Sorry your H is still causing you so much grief. It is normal to hold out hope for our M's as long as we still feel love for our H's. However, don't let him to continue to get to you like this. Don't you have a restraining order or something? Quit taking his phone calls and don't let him contact you in any way until he can prove he is changing. You need to continue to focus on you and your kids. You have grown so much from this experience - I am so proud of you. Don't let your H take that away from you. If he wants to be your H, he will make some positive changes for you. Unfortunately, we can't do it for them. Keep working on you!!

Love and miss you,
Kris

Thanks, Kris it is good to hear from you too. Yes! I do have a restraining order against him, but i have been accepting his phone calls. I just got tired of having the phone ringing nonstop. I know that I should not have but I have ben, but all that stops as of last night when again I realized that he is still the same man that he was a year ago. He tells me what he needs to in order to get back home. I want to believe that he is really remorseful and ready to recommit 100%, but how can he when he still thinks that it is somehow my fault.

JT

<small>[ October 13, 2004, 04:49 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]</small>

G123------- checking in captain (salute)! LOL

When are ya gonna email me? I mostly post on SxF now--as I think is what most of us are doing.

I like getting riled in the debates w/ OW & stuff here but some don't like the 'arguing'. I've given up on TOW for awhile after my last thread when I was accosted for using the SAME word towards a OW AFTER she used it towards me--no name calling just an adjective! LOL

You know how that goes. pointless, pointless, pointless. double standard to the max--------& the same ones who post here & there-----that I 'vouch' for here-------suddenly 'go dark' when I'm over there...........whatever! I'm sure they would say that is how WE are over here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
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Looks like there is a freshmen class forming here who are now supporting each other as well. Us upper-classmen still voice in occasionally when it is pertinent & if asked.

Hey I like that......'freshmen class'.....what do you think?
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Did you see the pics from my anniversary party? I posted the link on Sxf (msn)...talk about a 'goyjus' looking family.........Email me if you are not a member yet & I will send you the link....anytime.

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I, personally, have been doing ALOT of 'thinking' lately. Which is nothing new for me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> But normally I think out loud & talk out my thoughts w/ my hunnybunny but this time........I've been ruminating over it all in my mind before I let it all out--I still have a ways to go before I can discuss it w/ him.

But I have been thinking about all that has transpired, OC, not seeing her anymore, & how the reality is that it will always hurt to some point but I am no longer bowled over by it. I guess I am starting to FINALLY come to grips w/ it & gain some personal ACCEPTANCE of the situation.

That was/is my hardest battle. Maybe I'm a slow learner. I don't know but I think I was always trying to FORCE it not to hurt so bad, or not to be so disappointed in him, myself, OW, everyone, trying to make it seem not so bad----I could live through it.

And sure, I can, will & am--but I have to face that this WAS a devastating thing to have happen in your/my life & if I ignore that fact & process than I can never truly promote the healing & testament of our marriage. It was like I was trying to gloss over all the bad stuff & ONLY point out how great it is NOW---------ok yes, it's much better now-----do you understand what I am saying.

It's like you really can't appreciate the healing if you ignore how much pain there was right?

I hope you understand what I am getting @.

I guess I just want to tell H that I still hurt sometimes but it doesn't mean that I am NOT over it or that I don't love him. It's just the reality. I hope he can understand that.

I think that he thinks that us 'being over it' or 'getting past it' is that we never think or talk about it ever again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Yah that works if you're a 'waffle'! (has anyone read that book? lol) So anyhoo.......quietly accepting, quietly accepting, quietly accepting....................

...........& feeling a bit restless. I want to move far, far, away & put this way, way, behind us.
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Has anyone seen The Forgotten w/ Jullianne (sp?) Moore?
It's pretty thrilling! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

KT-- I will email you today to find out how to get to SBF site...

EEEEW I read the post on the other board. I figured it'd only be a matter of time till that self-riteous old tart mod "found" something wrong with your posts.. and boy you were SO nice. They are so lucky to be able to post here, the crappy things they do- and its all good. We can't do that over there cause its soo sensitive for poor OW there, but we BS can take it here, ey? lol!! Forget them- they are all a bunch of hateful wacky harlots! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I'll see you over at the new site- I do see a lot of new people here and my days have settled enough that I can write more.... and you all are POOF- but dont blame you because this section is becomming just another place OW can speak her mind and we have to deal with the insanity that comes from their foggy brains!

G123,

hey how's it going today? i'm here! looking forward to seeing you on the SBF site. no new news just the same old tired things from H. All talk and no action, I mean no actions. Why is this happening to my life?

Oh well enough pity! I think he is really only worried baout someone else wanting me, or me being with another man. Is that crazy or what? I'm not aure he ever loved me the way that I loved him!


G123 - How's your day going so far?

HI everyone!

Just checking in. posted on the other thread Gio started and updated on sisters site this morning.

IT is a beautiful day here today--we have had an Indian Summer--it has been great.

Hey you!

What time do you all usually go to the SBF site? I have no clue how to get there. I'm going to email KT now so she'll tell me.

You are not having a pity party. You are living w/a pitiful situation and doing the best anyone can expect you to do. No- you are doing BETTER than I would be and most if in your situation... I cannot imagine controlling myself w/a H who is living w/another woman, yet asking ME what I am doing, etc.

Yes he is "just" worried now about the mere possibility of another man sniffing around or something. It DOES shake some of these men, finally, to the core of their being, knowing that their FAITHFUL WIFE is no longer their play toy...... some have NEVER been so unlucky to feel that. My H felt it and went over the edge..... and never left my side since ! LOL

g123,

yeahdo they ever really learn, unfortunately or fortunately for me i don't think my h will ever feel the loss. i think he'll just go on thinking that it is my fault. i feel bad about that, but i can not worry about it i must leave him to GOD!

i will try to be on tonight at about 9:00pm central time. i went on last night but noone was there.

albany - where were you last night? i'll try again tonight, okay.

g123 - hope to see ya there!


JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

which site the first one or the msn one?