We Are going for Contact.
We spent the past week praying & deciding what to do and why God made the desion he did and we know he put oc in our life so he would know God, as his mother is not a christain, and a non-beliver.
Please give your opion on various types of CONTACT, and options of contact.
Basic Info.
We won't negotiate on the following:
1.Contact, p/u and d/o will be with h & myself,together. IE- no alone time with OW
as oc is a part of our family not ow
2. We will only be called in case of A TRUE emergancy- (such as medical for example)
3. All other contact will be via email-that will be veiwed togther by h and myself
4. No Alcohol around oc- this includes our home too
5.no smokeing around oc- this includes our home even though we are non-smokers
Negotiable
1. we will helpcare for oc instead or in conjunction w/ daycare -oc only(she has another child)
2. What ever else is need as for is oc is concerned

Cs is a given
We also want oc to attend church w/us.
We are trying to be fair and want whats best for oc.
WE want ow to understand we don't want to take oc from her, however he is a part of H and we do want oc in our lives.
He is a part of our family too, not ow.

<small>[ October 14, 2004, 04:53 AM: Message edited by: angels1966 ]</small>

Angels-

The terms sound good to me. I can see, though that OW will most likely buck a few of the terms. None of them are unreasonable- in fact they are very, very much for the good of OC.

How old is OC? How has xow been toward H/the C thing so far, or does she even know your H wants C? Has xow relayed any demands or any wishes so far of hers? I hope yours and H's wishes do jive with hers so that peace will be forthcoming!

You have my best wishes and my respect for what you are trying to do for oc/your H. I hope you are comfortable with this, and grow to be happy having OC in your life!

Sorry I took so long, have to use library computer for a while so please be patient.
Oc is almost 4 months,ow has not been co-opreative thus far and wants visitation to be w/o me, she can keep dreaming on that though, as it is non-negotiable,peroid!!
Either she wants H as part of oc's life me included , or she doesn't want h in oc 's life, those are both h and I's terms ; so now it's up to her if she wants a father or not for oc.

Angel, are you on sis by fire? If so I could email you some stuff. And have you checked with the state you are in for your rights. This should not be looked upon as a Divorce situation and you and your family are can be a healthy asspect of this childs life. Or should I say H right, we as bs have none. But maybe one day that will change. Since the world is changing and morals are a thing of the past, just maybe the laws will be for the more responsible people. All I can say is cover your butt from left to right and get to know what rights your family does have. The issue of her not wanting around her child, let her preach it, not you. Its really not an issue just a ploy on her end. Just stick to the legal aspects of it. And DONT give her any reason to use she will hurt my child because you have said this or that to her. And face it. Contact with the oc means contact w/ the ow, by either you or your h. Unless you want to involve someone else or pay alot of attorney fees. I think the judge will look upon people trying to get along, rather than these people who cant talk to one another. How is co-parenting going to work if you cant or dont want to talk/work with each other. And if you plan on doing the daycare, you will have to have contact w/ the ow. Everyone has to get past the anger, and feelings of the other wants/needs to have all the control. Let her know you too have the right to have the oc in your life and will. Should not be up to her, now should it, if you want the child in your life then it is a commitment to do what is right for your family and you and your h as a team for your family and what is right and fair for the oc and not just a feeling of teaming up against her. This is to be another one of her issues not yours. Dont get in a hurry, it takes time and pray ALOT! Keep a record of everything! Everything no matter how small it may seem, keep your records and be prepaired for anything and everything. I'm praying for you and hope everything goes well.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

It all sounds good but keep in mind that your H can request whatever he wants but it will not happen unless OW agrees or a judge sees it your way.

For example..the no drinking, no smoking 'rules'..you have no right to tell (or even request) to OW about what she does when OC is in her custody, just as she could not tell you.

She can do whatever she wants. You can request it & if she agress then great, it will be best for OC. But let's say she enjoys a glass of wine w/dinner----you cannot stop that, even a beer everyday----can't stop it.

A judge would only agree automatically in your favor something that was already illegal, like no driving OC while intoxicated, no illegal substances around OC......and sometimes no guns in the home OC would be staying @ overnight.

In the visitation papers, I would not mention church. ONLY because you can practice or not practice whatever religion you want while OC is in your custody & there is no need to point it out or make it an issue. You will not be able to force OW to hand over OC to you on her time just to take OC to church.

As far as the daycare...I doubt OW would go for that. Even if it saved her $$$$$ because it most likely would be YOU caring for OC right? And if OW does not want you around OC already then......won't happen.

If H & OW have joint legal custody (which I personally recommend) then he has a right to have a say in the daycare center choice w/ OW & regardless, he will be obligated to pay for half (above & beyond CS). If she does go for it that would be nice since it could give your family even more time to bond & build a realtionship w/ OC.
**********
**********
No need to mention in any legal paperwork about you being present for p/u & drop-offs. It should be a no brainer that H has the right to allow whoever he wants around his child. Unless OW specifically states that you are to be EXcluded than H just brings it up w/ the judge by your lawyer--------HOPE YOU HAVE ONE!!!!

You can state in your paperwork that ALL communication be ONLY about OC & nothing more. & I believe you can also specify communication via email except for emergencies-but H & OW will have the right to call OC themselves while OC is @ the other's home--you can't deny that.

And a side note about that---communication should also be done through a written log-book that travels w/ the child concerning the child's health & behavior----extra important w/ a newborn.
*************
**************
Hope it works out for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by angels1966:
<strong>
2. We will only be called in case of A TRUE emergancy- (such as medical for example). </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">do you mean the child cannot receive phone calls from his / he own mother while under your care?

I hope I am misunderstanding you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

the baby is only 4mos. right now , what kind of conversation could he have??? right now she could and he could hear his mommy voice, and that is fine.
When he is able to talk, then yes, she can call him and only him.
she is the type of person unforunatly who would want to do more than talk to and about things other than oc.
consideringshe showed no consideration to my children durning
the A and this August when she talked to our children w/o our permission, while they were with a sitter, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> she should be fortunate We consider her feelings at all, our concern is for the oc.
she is not a good woman like you NY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
She drinks and parties a lot, and has admitted to selling food
stamps to others. she has a history of low morals for lack of a better way to say it;
she has had 4 pregnancies since she was 17 is only 24 now, 1st pregnancy baby was
adopted, 2nd aborted, 3rd she had 14 men tested before finding the father(who bty way was also a married man) and now oc w/ H.
She also wanted ME to
pay for an abortion for this one whichI refused to, its against God, and we(H&I) don't
belive in it, she also tried to OD on birth control pills to try on kill baby while pregnant.
We are not dealing w/ a "normal" person here even in the best of terms.
Thought a person
was to learn from thier mistakes , not make the same one's over and over? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Wow angels she sounds like a great role model. Hopefully she will learn to be a good mother. Maybe and it's a big maybe if you can prove she has some of these problems you can ask for them. As far as calling even at 4 months.......you can't stop that. No she can't talk to him, but she can call and say hey how is baby? My twins are 6 now and when they are at there dad's we talk 2 or 3 times a day with each other. When they go for a couple of hours they call me at least 2 times. I'm not sure if I asked you but do you stay at home? Would you want to babysit? Geez if xmm and his wife loved my child, and they offered to watch her while I work I'd jump on it!!!! It's my second biggest expense a month and I don't even work full time out of my home. If you have joint custody I don't know that judge would deny that. I don't know have not been in that position though. It may cut down on your expenses too with her. It is a huge responsibilty though. Good luck to you and I hope this all works out.

EEK!

Yikes! You are in almost the identical situation as we were.

Concidering the circumstances, have your H and you discuss taking custody? If she's selling food stamps..I doubt any of the CS is going to this child?

If you are going to be in this for the long haul..I would concider custody...

In my case, I discussed it with my H, that if we were going to have contact..then I wanted full custody..

Just a thought <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

wiz

Quote"1.Contact, p/u and d/o will be with h & myself,together. IE- no alone time with OW
as oc is a part of our family not ow
" 2. We will only be called in case of A TRUE emergancy- (such as medical for example)
3. All other contact will be via email-that will be veiwed togther by h and myself
4. No Alcohol around oc- this includes our home too
5.no smokeing around oc- this includes our home even though we are non-smokers
Negotiable
1. we will helpcare for oc instead or in conjunction w/ daycare -oc only(she has another child)
2. What ever else is need as for is oc is concerned

Cs is a given
We also want oc to attend church w/us.
We are trying to be fair and want whats best for oc.
WE want ow to understand we don't want to take oc from her, however he is a part of H and we do want oc in our lives.
He is a part of our family too, not ow." end quote


You can ask for anything when you go to court BUT depending on the judge, you may just p ss him off. When we asked for a no alcohol provision, we had gone to the court and pulled the JNS (judgement and sentencing) from the county court house. We gave it to the attorney who introduced it in the court record. So the judge granted our request of no alcohol in the home because of OW"
's H problem with alcohol. (he works at a beer distributing plant) ....We also have the no alcohol in place in our home when OC is with us.
You MUST have proof of any harassment or of anything else, to have the court amend something.
If he sees you there and you are arguing or not looking relaxed, he may take that to mean you're not going into this whole heartedly.
H and I were lucky. We had a damn good attorney.H and I looked on the state police web site for any info on OW'S husband. Boom! We find 2 DWI's and public intoxication arrests.

Do your homework...there maybe something you can use. I am not advocating taking the child from the mother but if she has had past arrests for say alcohol, get the documentation from the court house.

If H gets joint custody as mine has things can be lenient.

This is the part that gets sticky sometimes. H and OW can deviate from the court order if they BOTH agree. My daughter wanted her sister here for her birthday. So H and OW signed an agreement stating that OC could leave the surrounding counties and be here in our home.

Keep your head held high. Be polite and quiet. Look supportive and above all...DRESS APPRIATELY FOR THE COURT ROOM. NO JEAN MATERIAL...

OW's H didn't attend the court hearing and I believe the judge looked down on that. OW said he couldn't get off work. He asked H and I how far we had driven. 350 miles.

Don't take any family members with unless they can conduct themselves. H and I only had our attorney. OW brought her sister. When we left the courtroom.....OW's sister started screaming at us.
Her attorney just walked away.

Oh well....just my 2cents...

ent

we are going to start by going to court for visitation and then go from there, so H,I and our family can get to know oc, eventually or sooner we would like to go for custody.
We have not been to court as of yet for visitation, cs etc. as of yet. We only recently recieved results of paternity test.
contact w/ ow would take place w/ both H & I present or speaker phone.
I'm not currently working full time , just doing paper routes and would Love to take care of OC, he is a part of my H and he is innocent, and I could never hurt him , just give him lots of Love.
Thank you, Everyone for giving input/advice it is truly appreciated.
So I've been soo long in answering.

Angels do you guys live near each other? If you don't have a problem watching the child it would only be a plus for her. Daycare if so expensive and that could cut down on cost. I don't think a judge would deny that. I am in noway saying that you should be there just to be a babysitter. But this gal sounds like she can't be trusted. If she is selling her food stamps, what else is she doing? I would defintly set boundries as well. Don't let her take advantage of you or your husband. I understand you want certain things and your doing the right thing by going through the courts, but make sure on some of it you have proof. You don't want to look like your just being difulcult. It sounds like you do have some solid proof though on her. Good luck and keep us posted.