Lets see, where do I start. I am looking for people who are up for making changes in the way visitations and the legal aspect of all this type of situation revolves. With the way the laws if you read them, revolve around a divorced couple. With the way that people preceive that having a child and not seeing them because of the hell that someone else is putting your family though. Ok contact w/ the oc is a family and a married couples right. You pray about it, you talk about it, (in that order) and then you make a poja for your family, and then all hell breaks loose. You live in constant (sometimes not all) harrasment from the other party. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I am not an advacate for the oc. I dont suggest everyone do c. But those who of you that do and try and then change your mind because either the laws or the money wont allow you to have your family intact and happy. I think the ones that choose to make their M work and having the oc in your family should have more rights to do so. And not live the roller coaster ride of I want to control this and that.

I need to know if anyone out there has a legal back ground or legeslative background to tell me where to start.

Yes I am but one, but there are many once the ball is started and rolling. This country was based on freedom, from being appressed by anyone and how many laws have been changed by just one person?

When do we say ok, that is enough and things must change? Families are going to hell in a hand basket because of people who have no respect for it and there are laws to protect the ones that are trying to conserve it. So if there in anyone who knows where to start and how to start and where to go, let me know. Because I for one am ready to stand up for my right as a BS and support my family (including the oc, he is my family too) and have the right to do so. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think if there where more laws to protect the family and the ones who are making their M work, then more of them would. More laws against the ones trying to break up a M and family, to be accountable for your actions. Oh yes including the WS, Ow alone didn't put the strain on the M, then it would be happening less. Just my thoughts.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Hey, we are in very happy no contact. I think the ow is also happy with it as it lets her live her own life and we fund it. Matter of fact she already has another baby by a different man paying her support and oc is only 2. Can't really complain because she is great about leaving us alone unlike the stories I read here. I would love to lobby for changes in the cs system and how it effects children of the marriage. They are first wanted and planned for they should be considered above all else. I live in your state and if you need my support you got it.

Sunny,
I think this is what mediators, third parties and communication logs are for.

The mediator is a neutral person to help resolve issues between the parents. You can have a third party transport the child for visitation schedules. You can communicate through a written log, so no harrassing phone calls or yelling/screaming matches occur. There never has to be direct contact. The judge will set "visitation in the best interest of the child". There are means to accomplish this without dealing with the OP.

All of these things have already been implemented to accomplish what you're asking for. The tools are there to make visitation a successful and rewarding experience. I would recommend talking to your courts about options for you and your family if this is a concern for you since you are going C.

CLO----there are mediators & they can save a citizen (& state) money (sometimes) by avoiding courts & heairng BUT BUT BUT---that is only if the parents can come to a resolution.

I think that is what sunny is talking about.

What to do when there is not a resolution, you can't afford a lawyer PLUS if you reperesent yourself..the time to take off of work to even go to court. Especially since the man must pay CS, he is more hurt by taking off of work becuase the CS comes out automatically.

Who is there to help those men?

The DA is there automatically to represent the child <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> for CS--funny though they seem to also cover the females back pretty darn well! They never seem to question the females about THEIR ability to work. Well, that is only what I have seen in our court. And it was w/ both male & female DA's.

And yes you can contact a father's rights group but those also come from the perspective of DIVORCED families. It doesn't even have to be xMM & OW agaisnt each other--there are tons of UNmarried parents who get screwed.

Go to the library & you will see shelves & shelves of books for women to 'help themselves' navigate the world of CS & custody within the legal system. And then if you are lucky you might find one or two for men, usually about how NOT to lose your kids.
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We have to start making chagnes somewhere for FAMILIES-that is what sunny is saying I think.

Teh entire system is set up for DIVORCED couples but it is a new age. It should NOT alienate the W when/if she is going ot be such a major player in this new drama. Yes, she cna have no legal rights as a parent but why exclude her from a mediation over visitation when it IS going to be affecting her family & homelife as well.

You would think the mediators would WANT to include her to see how she feels about it all & see if the OW has any sound reason to exclude BW or not.

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We were lucky to finally find a therapist familiar w/ the legal system & families w/ visitation issues (yes predominantly divorced ones) so she acted in the role of mediator for all 3 of us. Eventually though, there was nothing she could do to get through to OW. She tried as hard as she could but in the end--OW had dug herself in so deep that she was unwilling to move.

And w/o the finances to hire a GOOD lawyer (you DO get what you pay for)......here we are.
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Sorry if I got a little OT there sunny.
I beleive the first place to start is w/ yoru state governor or congressmen.

You can call, email or write letters. I beleive the written, snail-mailed latters get teh most attention becuase they actually take the most time to prepare.

Then you must continually repeat the process until you get a REAL response.

You can try & make an appt. to speak to the representative yourself to explain mre in detail the problems you are facign w/in the system.

You can also contact soem Father's rights groups--they usually want donations--to help them in their cause. But maybe they can @ least direct you where to start a grass roots project.

I say forget about father's rights for now----& focus on FAMILY rights. We BW need to stand up for our families & children ourselves. I think that would be a better starting point. To start an organization of our own-----

FAMILIES RIGHTS-sounds like a good name.

We can start w/ families rights to protection from outsiders (harassment), protection in the legal system (CS based on the good of the 'family' (children @ home) instead of JUST OC) & families rights to relationship (siblings relations w/ OC ect.).


Any one w/ any ideas on how to proceed further w/ this-----please chime in!!!!!!!
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LOL sunny-I thought this was gonna be a call to make some 'OTHER' kind of 'noise'! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> LOL LOL LOL

ooo
xxx
kt

I'm not a legal expert but have been though lots of legal paper work/ beauracracy when I adopted children.

In California the advocate is for the child's best interest. They try to keep children soley with there bilogical families first. This is too include any bio-family members that may want them.

As for custody with another family such as our cases...In California we do not have a say. Only the father if proven the Bilogical father may have a few rights but in most cases they stick it too the father financially and do not allow for proper visitaion. They reward the OW all the benefits one would have if they were married to the child. Most of the time the money is used for things other then the welfare of the child.

You make a good point in wanting to change things but until the public realizes that the OW is not always a victim but a predator and that we TOO are victims any rights we should have will not be taking seriously.

We therefore are strictly the spouse of an affair and our punished ourselves in more ways then one.

Sorry it's not very helpful!

Lori

Hi,

I have no legal background but I was thinking along your lines already sunny and I would be glad to donate time, make calls or whatever to help. Just let me know because the Laws need to be changed to protect Married couples from OW who but into their relationship.

<small>[ October 23, 2004, 06:32 PM: Message edited by: angels1966 ]</small>

Ok angle i got it so you can delete it now. thanks I will send you an email.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

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<small>[ January 11, 2005, 10:56 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

LO, see that just is not right. I think families trying to hold families together should count for something. I haven't been excluded from anything and mow the ow and I are speaking and talking about visitations. But right now he is more into an angry stage w/ her than I. And I stressed to him and her it cant be I'm in all the control thing w/ either of them because the children will suffer. So we have had more progress w/ me and her talking. I am visiting the focus on the family web site and maybe get some info from them. We are M and I think the courts shouldn't seperate that fact and exclude the wife at anytime. We take care of the children most of the time and the money. So it looks like we would have the right to be incolved in something so a part of our families.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D